Protect and Serve
by Junebugsm
Summary: Stef is called to a Crime Scene. What she doesn't know is that the victim isn't just a stranger.
1. Chapter 1

**Stef is called to a Crime Scene. What she doesn't know is that the victim isn't just a stranger.**

(This is just an idea I had and I really only had the first scene planned out so any suggestions are more than welcome.)

* * *

_Assault and possible rape at University Avenue. Two attackers, one victim. All available units please respond._

Stef and Mike were driving around in the cruiser when the order came over the radio. They weren't the closest to the scene but they were available. Stef picked up the walkie-talkie and responded.

Less than five minutes later they were driving up the road to where they could already see two other police cars. As they approached they watched as two cops struggled with a large white man. The man managed to get away and took off down the street. Mike stopped the car jumped out, chasing after the man with one cop. Stef approached the other officer struggling with the second assailant.

A few minutes later Stef and the other officer managed to grab a hold of the slightly drunk attacker and cuff him. They lead him into a cruiser. She hated men like him. Men who thought that they were in charge of everything. That if a woman was black or gay or different in any way then it was their job to make it right. She had seen so many of these cases over the years. She knew there was a gay bar just around the corner and that's where the victim must have been before she was attacked. Her heart went out to the poor woman.

"I'm gonna drive this guy down to the station." Stef called out to the group in general.

* * *

"Stef." Lena mumbled through her grogginess. Was that really her voice she had just heard or was she just wishing it to be.

"Hey Stef," One of the officers beside her called out. "I think this woman knows you."

"What?" Stef said raising an eyebrow as she shut the door and walked back towards the scene.

"She called out your name when you spoke." The officer said.

Suddenly Stef's stomach filled with bile and her heart began to race. It couldn't be. Please, please don't let it be... "Lena". Stef murmured in fear as she approached the woman and found her wife lying on the sidewalk, broken.

"You know her?" The officer asked.

Stef's eyes had filled with tears at the sight of her wife. She couldn't bare to see her so broken. She had bruising around her eye and finger marks on her neck. Her dress was torn and covered in blood.

"Lena, baby I'm so sorry." Stef said as she ignored the officers question and knelt down beside her wife.

Lena was crying now too. The sight of Stef made her feel instantly better. But the sight of Lena had the exact opposite effect on Stef. She felt like a failure. She was trolling the neighborhood looking out for just this sort of thing but wasn't even able to protect her own wife.

"I'm going to get these guys baby." Stef said sternly, her anger building up. "I'm going to beat the crap out of them."

The officer that had been attending to Lena was taken aback. He didn't know Stef very well but so far she had always seemed like a level headed person. He was surprised at her anger. Obviously this woman was someone important.

"The ambulance is on it's way." He said, trying to defuse the situation. There was nothing worse than a cop getting rough with a criminal.

"MIKE." Stef yelled looking around for him. "Mike I need help."

"What's up Stef?" Mike asked as he walked over. "What do you ne..." But he stopped when he noticed Lena lying on the ground.

"FUCK." He cursed as he knelt down beside the woman who was helping raise his son. "Lena?" He asked her.

"I'm going with the ambulance. I need you to get the kids and meet us at the hospital." Stef instructed as she heard the ambulance sirens getting louder.

"I'll get them. Don't worry." Mike said and started to get up but Lena's voice stopped him.

"They're out." Lena rasped. "Callie is celebrating Daphne's birthday and Jude is at Connor's. The twins are at a party at Hayley's house. Brandon's the only one home."

"Don't worry about them Lena." Mike said. "I'll get them all and make sure they're okay. You just get better. Those kids need their mom."

The paramedics were around Lena by now and busy check her over and putting her on the gurney. Stef followed as they wheeled her into the ambulance.

"Get the kids." Stef instructed one last time as she climbed into the ambulance and sped off towards the hospital.

* * *

Stef sat with Lena though her check up. She had assured them all that her attacker hadn't done anything beyond feeling her up. He hadn't even managed to get his pants off before Lena was yelling for help and a couple walking by called the cops. She held her hand as Lena told them how all the kids were out and how her friend Jenna had called wanting to go out for the night and since all the kids were busy and Stef was at work Lena agreed to meet her for a few drinks. Lena left a little early, wanting to be home before all the kids got back. The two guys must have seen her walk out of the bar alone. As soon as she got around the corner to where she had parked her car they trapped her. The bigger guy, the one who began running, caught the strap of her dress and ripped it, trying to undress her while he forced the fingers of his other hand deep inside her. The other guy trapped her hands behind her back and grabbed her breasts. She yelled out to a couple she saw walking a little further away. That's when the bigger guy wrapped his hand around her throat so hard she nearly choked. He threatened to kill her if she didn't keep her mouth shut. Then he punched her in the face and she fell to the floor, hitting her head on the ground. The other guy pulled out a knife and stabbed her in the thigh so that she couldn't run for help. But before they could get away, the cops arrived and they were caught.

Stef felt nauseous as she listened to Lena tell the tale. She had heard versions of the story over a hundred times before but this time it was really a nightmare. This time it was Lena telling it. Stef felt the anger building up again. Anger at the two men who hurt her wife. Anger at the world for being so hostile towards anything that was different. But mostly anger at herself for not being able to protect her wife. After all wasn't that her job?

Now, five hours later Lena was finally asleep. She had been scanned, x-rayed, checked, stitched up and questioned until finally everyone just left them alone. Stef was lying on the hospital bed with Lena curled up in her arms. Her face was pale apart from the purple patch just below her left eye. The sight made Stef go weak inside and knowing that her wife was now finally asleep she let the tears she had been holding back fall.

"I'm so sorry Love." Stef whispered to her sleeping wife. "I should never have let this happen."

Stef stayed with her for another ten minutes and then knew that she had to go outside and talk to her children. Mike had messaged her about an hour ago to say that he had collected all the kids, fed them and they were now waiting outside. She carefully untangled herself from Lena but Lena stirred.

"Stef." She mumbled as she held on to her arm.

"Honey, I'm here." Stef reassured her wife. "I'm just going to talk to the kids and I'll be right back I promise. You're safe." She stroked Lena's hair and stayed with her for a few more minutes until Lena fell back to sleep before heading out to her kids.


	2. Chapter 2

In the waiting room she found all five kids sitting together. Callie was in the center with Jude and Mariana on either side of her. Jude's head was resting on her shoulder and Mariana's hand was clasped tightly in her own. Jesus sat with an arm around his twin and Brandon was on the other side of Jude. All of them had grim faces full of fear. Stef watched as Callie gently stroked Jude's hair with her free hand and whispered something to him over and over again. It was times like this that Stef realized that Callie was the strong one - the one who had already seen it all and wasn't phased by it anymore. Now Lena would soon join Callie on the other side - the one where the members no longer felt safe in their own skin.

Callie was the first one to spot Stef and she instantly stood up. "How is she?" She asked worriedly as the other kids followed her lead.

"She's okay for now." Stef tried to keep her voice steady. "She been hurt but it's not too bad."

She could see the relief in all their eyes except for Callie's. Callie knew that Lena was far from okay.

"She's in the ICU so you guys aren't allowed in. Why don't all of you go home and get some sleep. You can come back n the morning. You don't need to go to school tomorrow. I'll call and let them know what's happened." Stef told her children before turning to Mike. "Mike, could you stay with the kids tonight please."

"Of course." Mike answered. There was nothing he wouldn't do for his ex-wife.

Stef gave all the kids a hug and kiss, assuring them once again that Lena was going to be okay and that she'd call if anything changed. Callie came to her last and once the other kids were out of ear-shot she had to ask.

"Did they...? She began, unable to use the words.

"No." Stef assured her daughter. "They didn't rape her, I promise."

The relief in Callie's eyes was unmistakeable. "Thank God." She whispered, more to herself than to Stef.

"Oh I know that feeling" Stef smiled sadly at her daughter giving her a comforting squeeze and one last kiss before sending her off with the rest of the family and heading back to her wife.

* * *

Stef lay with Lena all night and comforted her each time she woke up crying. She would get so afraid and Stef's heart kept breaking. Lena would wake up and push Stef away at first in reflex but would then beg her to hold her tight. Stef did whatever made Lena comfortable, wishing she could do more.

"You're safe Lena." Stef whispered to her for the hundredth time. "You're safe, I've got you."

"I should have just stayed home." Lena said.

The two were talking softly in the semi-dark hospital room. Lena was too afraid to sleep because if the dreams so instead she was fighting to stay awake and Stef was reluctantly helping her.

"Don't think like that love." Stef said gently. "You have every right to go out and have some fun."

"It was late and I was alone." Lena said.

"I know love." Stef said. This was exactly why her job meant so much to her - she wanted to create a world where it was safe for a woman to go out at night without being attacked just for being a woman, being alone, being gay, being colored, or being anything else that her attacker disapproved of. "But that shouldn't be any reason for you to have to stay home. I just wished you'd called me to tell me you were going." She said.

"It was so spur of the moment." Lena answered by way of explanation.

"At least you're safe now and they didn't do the worst to you." Stef said holding Lena close.

"What did you tell the kids?" Lena asked, suddenly worrying about what they thought.

"That you were hurt in the thigh but otherwise okay." Stef answered.

"I was lucky." Lena said softly. She was still afraid and hurt but of all the things that could have happened, she got lucky.

"Callie tried to asked if they raped you." Stef told her wife and watched her eyes go wide. "She was worried."

"They didn't." Lena said firmly. "Not with his..." She began but stopped. "I hope you told her that."

"I did." Stef said. "But she's not one we can keep secrets from. She knows too much herself."

"I can't even begin to imagine what she must have been through." Lena said. "I thought I could understand but now I haven't been though even half of what she's been through and still it feels so scary. She was all alone with only Jude."

"She has us now." Stef reminded her. "She has us and so do you. I may not understand it like you do but I'm still here and I'll do whatever I have to."

Lena seemed to be in deep thought for a moment before she finally turned to face Stef. "Honey, I know you want to get these guys, believe me I do too. But please be careful. This isn't just like any other case for you, this happened to me and I don't want you to do anything that could cause more trouble for you."

"Honey, I don't want you to worry about me or those guys. They will pay for what they did - there were witnesses and your fluid traces were found on his hands so they can't get away. I don't need to do much." Stef assured her wife.

Once again Lena was keep in thought, her eyes drifting closed. The reminder that his fingers were inside her, against her will, disgusted her. Something that had felt so wonderful and special when Stef did it was now completely sickening to her. She wondered if this was how she'd feel for the rest of her life. What would sex mean for them from now on?

"Love I know you're afraid right now but I also know that you're tired. I'm right here and I'm not leaving you. Close your eyes and get come sleep. If you start fidgeting I'll wake you up so you don't have to dream." Stef said gently, stroking Lena's hair, hoping it'll help her fall asleep.

"You always make me feel safe." Lena murmured as she curled further into Stef drifting off to sleep in her arms.

But Stef hadn't kept her safe and she hated herself for it. Logically she knew that there was nothing she could have done but just the thought that she had saved so many women some just this kind of attack but couldn't save her own wife killed her.

* * *

Back at the house all the kids were in bed but none of them were asleep. Brandon went to sleep in his mom's bed so that his dad could have his. Jesus and Jude were both lying silently staring at the ceiling, watching the fan turn round and it was the same in the girl's room.

"Callie." Mariana asked softly into the darkness, sure that the girl would be awake.

"What?" Callie asked.

"What was it like?" Mariana asked.

"What was what like?" Callie questioned.

"You know, what Liam did." Mariana said cautiously, afraid of the reaction she'd get. She hoped that it wouldn't upset Callie but she just wanted to understand.

"Um it hurt." Callie said unsure of how much she should share. "I was scary and I guess it made me feel... less."

"Less?" Mariana asked.

"Um like less of myself, less of the people around me." Callie said. "I'm not sure how to explain it. I couldn't stop it and I couldn't do anything about it even later with the trial, so I just feel like I'm less."

"Do you think that's now mama feels?" Mariana asked.

Callie could hear the concern in her voice even though she was sure that Mariana couldn't quite understand what she had meant and that was one thing she was thankful for.

"Maybe." Callie answered. "Everyone feels it in their own way, and it depends on how bad the attack was I guess."

"Do you think they did it to her?" Mariana asked.

"No." Callie said, sounding sure.

"How do you know?" Mariana questioned.

"I asked Stef." Callie replied.

"I didn't think to ask that." Mariana said sadly.

"That's a good thing Mariana." Callie assured her. "They wouldn't what something like that to be your first thought. They've spent their life trying to protect you just so that you wouldn't worry too much about those things."

They were silent for quite a while, both of them lost in their own thoughts until finally Mariana broke the silence again.

"Will she be the same?" She asked. "When she comes home, after all this is over will she be the same?"

"I don't know." Callie answered honestly.

"Were you?" Mariana asked. "Are you the same as before?"

Callie thought about her attempt at sex with Wyatt before shaking her head in the darkness and then realizing that Mariana probably couldn't see. "No." She whispered softly.


	3. Chapter 3

It was late the following morning when Stef heard Lena's phone buzz on the table beside them. Lena was still asleep in her arms, it was the longest she had slept at a stretch - three hours. Stef reached for the phone, trying not to move too much and wake Lena. She figured it would be one of the kids or Mike. She mentally reminded herself that she needed to call Lena's parents as well. They would want to know what was going on with their daughter and would probably want to fly down and be with her too.

Stef got hold of the phone and saw Jenna's name flash across the screen. A momentary flash of anger flooded Stef. Though logically she knew it was irrational she still couldn't shake the thought that Jenna was the reason that Lena was going through all this in the first place. She disconnected the call, thinking that she would call her back when Lena was awake. She didn't want to risk waking Lena by talking on the phone just now, especially to someone as inconsequential as Jenna.

"Who was that?" Stef heard Lena murmur groggily.

"Jenna." Stef said. "Go back to sleep, we can call her back later."

But Lena pushed away from Stef. "I was supposed to call her last night when I got home." She said. "She's probably worried.

Stef bit her tongue, stopping herself from saying that she should have been worried and shouldn't have waited until this morning to check up on Lena. That she should have left with Lena so that she wasn't alone. But she knew that now wasn't the time. Right now Lena needed her to be strong and confident and Stef was determined to give her whatever she needed.

"We'll call her back in a bit." Stef assured Lena. "Right now go back to sleep."

But Lena was awake now. "Call the kids." She said. "I want to know how they're doing."

"Okay." Stef said, reaching for the phone again. "Mike messaged me a while ago to say that they'd all be here by nine and that he was taking them to an IHOP for breakfast before they got here."

"Did he say how they're doing?" Lena asked.

Stef smiled down at her wife. Even going through all this Lena was still more worried about the children. Stef felt so much love for the woman in her arms and she couldn't believe that anyone would ever do anything so horrible to her.

"They all slept." She told her. "It took a while but they all finally fell asleep. Mike said that he checked on them all several times during the night."

"I can't wait for them to get here." Lena said, the joy at the thought of seeing her kids evident on her face until it clouded with a thought that was obviously upsetting her. "How do I look?" She asked, looking worriedly up at Stef.

"You look fine love." Stef assured her.

"But my face." She said reaching up to her eye where she knew there would be a large bruise. "Will it scare them?"

"They'll just be happy to see that you are okay baby." Stef said. "They don't care about anything else."

Lena remained quiet for a while after that and Stef just watched her. She would practically the thoughts playing through Lena's mind.

"What are you thinking love?" Stef asked her gently. "Talk to me."

"I was so scared." Lena finally admitted. "I didn't know what was going to happen and the thought of never seeing you and the kids again. I was so scared." She began to cry as she buried her face into Stef's chest as Stef held her tight.

"I know baby. I'm so sorry." Stef said as tears filled her own eyes. "But you're safe now. You're still with us and you're going to be okay."

"I feel so..." Lena tried to explain but couldn't find the words. "so..." She tried again but still failed.

"Take your time love." Stef said, combing her fingers through Lena's hair.

"It's like I can still feel his fingers inside me." She practically whimpered. "I know it would have been way worse if he had actually raped me but..." She trailed off as her emotions took over.

"Oh baby." Stef said hugging Lena tighter. "Just because he didn't get that far doesn't mean he didn't rape you." Stef said. "Entering you forcefully in anyway is still rape."

"I don't want to think of myself like that." Lena said. "I don't want to be a victim of rape."

"Sweetheart, denying it isn't going to change anything. There's no rush but eventually you need to face it so that you can put it behind you."

"It was just a few seconds." Lena said. "Less than a minute for sure but still it'll be part of my life forever now."

"Honey, we'll get through this. I promise." Stef tried to assure her wife. "You'll be okay again. One day all this will be a thing of the past."

Stef hoped her words were true. She would never truly understand what her wife was going through and all she could really do was be there for her and support her in any way that she can but she wasn't sure what the future would bring. She knew that Lena was strong, far stronger than she seemed sometimes, but this was still something that could potentially destroy her and that's what Stef feared the most - the fact that the Lena that she had been would be changed forever.


	4. Chapter 4

It was just after nine when Mike messaged to say that he and the kids were waiting outside. Lena was still in Intensive Care Unit and therefore wasn't really allowed visitors. The wound on her thigh was deep and they were worried about infection. However they did allow the children to come in two at a time for no more than five minutes. The first to enter were the twins. Though they would fight like cats and dogs sometimes, whenever they were going through something big they were usually inseparable.

"Go on in babies." Stef encouraged when the pair stopped nervously at the door.

Both kids looked up at her for strength before doing as she instructed. They silently walked up to Lena's bed but refrained from touching her, for fear of hurting her further. Although Lena tried to hide her pain and misery behind a smile, it was still evident in her eyes.

"Oh my babies." Lena said, reaching out for both of them.

Mariana waited only a moment before thrusting herself into Lena's arms. She couldn't hold back the tears in her eyes as her mother held her tight.

Lena reached out for Jesus as well but instead of allowing her to hold him he pulled Mariana back. "Be careful, she's hurt." He practically scolded.

Mariana instantly let go, a guiltily expression across her face.

"I'm fine Jesus." Lena said, reaching for him again.

This time Jesus let her hug him but his hug in return was stiff and cautious making Lena feel even worse than she already felt.

"She won't break." Stef said softly to her children, noticing the hurt look on Lena's face.

"When can you come home?" Mariana asked looking from Lena to Stef and then back again. The bruises on her mother's eye and neck scaring her a little but she tried not to stare at it too hard both for her own sake as well as her mothers.

"Not for a while love." Stef said, stroking Mariana's head. "She was stabbed in the leg and until it heals quite a bit she can't leave."

"Is it bad?" Mariana asked.

"Yes." Stef answered honestly. "It's pretty deep and they're worried that it might get infected, that's why she needs to stay here."

"Are those assholes in jail?" Jesus asked, a shocking about of anger in his voice.

"Jesus." Lena chastised gently. She knew her son was upset and it was good for him to let it out but still, hearing him use words like that still made her cringe.

"I'm not apologizing." Jesus defended himself, his anger not toning down even a notch. "I'd rather call them something worse. 'Asshole' was me being polite."

"Jesus." Stef said more sternly than her wife. She had to completely agree with Jesus on this but right now wasn't the time to argue with Lena or upset her in anyway.

Jesus looked over at Stef. He could see on her face that she agreed with him but as her eyes darted over to Lena he understood that for her sake he needed to keep his cool.

After a few more minutes Stef guided the twins back out so that Brandon and Mike could enter. Mike kept his distance but he wanted to see Lena as well. She was his family after all too. She was raising his son and if he was really honest with himself she was doing a damn fine job of it - probably better and he and Stef would have done without her.

Stef and Mike stood back watching Lena and Brandon talk. Brandon's eyes kept darting over Lena's bruises, a confused expression on his face. He knew that bad things happened - heck all his brothers and sisters had come from lives like that but still he never thought that it would happen to someone he knew, at least not once they lived like he did. He had always had parents who loved him and would give him the stars if he wanted them. He had his future, even though it had changed recently it was still there, and all in all he had a dream life. He couldn't understand how something like this could just cross over into his world.

"I love you Brandon." Lena said, taking his hands in her own. She could see the confusion and shock on his face. He was the most sheltered of their children, having seen far less of the real world than the others and it was hard for him to absorb. "I'll be fine and I'll be home real soon."

Right before Stef lead Brandon out Mike went up to Lena and held her hand as well. "I'm glad you're okay." He told her, the sincerity of his words clear in his eyes. "If there's anything I can do..." He said, trailing off at the end.

Finally Stef brought Callie and Jude in. Both moms worried about their reactions. They had both been through so much in their short lives, much more than the twins had had to endure, and now those horrors seemed to be seeping into their new, safe life as well. Callie had lived through worse than Lena and had no one to support her through it and Jude was still so young, so innocent, so trusting and they were afraid of what this would do to him.

But they were wrong for the moment the two entered the room they just sort of took over. Jude climbed up on the bed beside Lena, making sure to keep his legs curled up under him so that he didn't accidentally rub against her thigh and just held her, more like a father holding his child. He had obviously learned it from Callie and maybe even used it on her a few times as well.

Callie, much like Jude, reached out for Lena's fee hand with one of her own while grabbing a cup of water with the other and bringing it to Lena.

"I know the thought of eating anything right now is scary." She said gently. "But at least drink some water. It helps, I promise."

Stef and Lena stared at her in shock. This was not at all what they were expecting. It's like the pair knew what to do and knew that they needed to help their moms figure out how to deal with all of this as well. For the first time their roles seemed oddly reversed.

"Wanna go grab the bag?" Callie asked Jude a few minutes later after Lena had slowly sipped half the water.

Jude nodded and carefully jumped off the bed and ran out.

"Are you feeling okay?" Callie asked Lena once Jude was gone.

Lena nodded, unsure of what to say.

"We love you." Callie said, fierceness in her voice. "You're not alone in this."

Right now Callie reminded Lena so much of Stef - the fierceness and protectiveness ran strongly through both of them. Yet the gentleness of their touch and softness of their words made Lena feel comfortable. Right now Callie was stroking a hand through Lena's hair and gripping her hand firmly.

Jude came in a few moments later, a large paper bad in his hands. He handed it to Callie and then quietly returned to his place on the bed beside Lena.

Callie opened the bag and pulled out an oversize, light blue wool sweater - fuzzy and extremely soft from years of wear and washing. She handed the sweater to Lena. "Here." She said. "It's really soft and very comfortable."

Lena had tears in her eyes as she took the sweater gratefully, brushing a hand over the soft fabric, feeling love it brought.

"Is this yours?" Lena asked her.

Callie nodded. "It was the first thing I ever bought, after... Liam." She explained slowly. "I felt safe in it. It was so bulky and warm. I felt a little more protected behind it; a little less exposed."

Stef watched, teary eyed, as Callie explained the sweater's history to Lena. She was amazed at the straight face Callie kept for her mother. Years of bad memories had taught Callie to let things go because there wasn't much you could do about it anyway. Stef found herself reaching out to feel the fabric for herself and the softness of it told her just how much Callie must have used it for comfort when no one else was there to help comfort her instead. How she wished that she had found those kids years ago when their mother had first died. How she wished she could have protected them from the lives they were forced to live until she finally got hold of them.


	5. Chapter 5

When Stef walked the kids to the car when they were ready to go she reminded all of them that she loved them and that Lena would be okay. Giving each one a kiss she sent them towards Mike, keeping Callie back for a moment.

"What did you mean when you said that it's scary to eat anything?" She asked Callie.

Callie looked at Stef uncomfortably for a moment. "The thought of putting anything inside you, it's sort of revolting." She explained.

Stef sucked in a deep breath as she realized that Callie understood what really happened to her. She had tried to shield her as much as she could from the truth but Stef could tell that Callie did understand and Callie could tell that Stef knew it too.

"You can see it in her eyes." Callie explained softly.

Stef stared at Callie as tears clouded her vision and although they didn't spill over they were clearly visible.

Callie reached out a hand to Stef and grabbed her arm. "One day it won't be your first thought when you wake up nor the last one before you fall asleep." She said kindly, assuring Stef that it would pass.

* * *

Before heading back to Lena, Stef went to wash her face and grab a drink of water. The more she learnt about all of this the more lost she felt. She decided to make the few phone calls that she needed to make before heading back to her wife.

First she decided to call Jenna. She didn't want to do it in the room with Lena because she couldn't promise herself that she wouldn't break down or get angry and she didn't want to do either of those things in front of her wife.

"Hey Stef, is Lena that hung over that she forgot to call?" Jenna joked as she picked up the phone.

The comment only intensified Stef's anger. "She's in the hospital." She said bitterly.

"What?" Jenna asked in shock. "Why?"

"She was attacked last night as she was walking to her car." The accusatory tone evident in Stef's voice.

"Oh my God." Jenna whispered over the phone. "I had no idea. Is she okay?" She asked.

"No." Stef said. It was the first time that she acknowledge that Lena was not, in fact, okay. "She's been beaten, stabbed and violated." Her voice breaking as she said the words.

Jenna was silent on the other end of the line. There was nothing she could say that would be of any use. They both knew that it wasn't either of their faults but both were silently blaming themselves and each other.

After Stef gave Jenna whatever details she had and agreed to inform her when Lena was allowed visitors again she hung up and then let her fingers hover over her phone, afraid to make the next call. The one that was most important.

"Stewart." She said softly when her father-in-law answered the call and he immediately knew that something was wrong.

"What happened?" He asked, unusual fear lacing his naturally humorous tone.

"She was attacked last night." Stef said, both of them needing to get straight to the point.

"How bad?" He asked in almost a whisper, afraid of what the answers were.

"Bad." Stef said. Though she tried hard not to let her tears fall she couldn't contain them. "She was stabbed in the leg, punched, strangled and..." But she couldn't say the last word - not to her father and he didn't need to hear it out loud. He understood it in her silence.

"Is she awake?" He asked, already tapping away at his computer booking two tickets back to San Diego on the first flight he could get.

"Yes." Stef said. "She's been conscious the whole time but she's in pain and she's afraid."

"Who did it?" He asked. "Have they been caught?"

"Yes, at the scene." Stef said. "She went out with a friend and left alone and they followed her."

"How are you and the kids?" He asked, knowing that this was just as hard on them."

"They're doing okay. Mike's with them." She said. It didn't go unnoticed that she had excluded herself in that statement.

"And you?" Stewart asked again.

Stef didn't know how to answer that. She felt scared and angry and inadequate. Her job was to protect people and her number one priority was her family and she had failed at both. How could she have let this happen? How could she not have protected Lena from this? Why couldn't it have been her instead?"

"It's not your fault." Steward said gently, knowing his daughter-in-law all too well. "You can't blame yourself."

"I need to get back to her." Stef said, avoiding the subject completely. "When will you get here?"

"We leave late tonight." Stewart answered. "We should be there by tomorrow evening."

"Hurry." Stef said, almost begging. Her voice suddenly sounding like a lost child. She needed someone there to help her through this - someone who could help take care of Lena.

"We'll be there soon." Stewart promised before hanging up.

* * *

Stef went back into Lena's room quietly hoping that Lena had fallen asleep but the moment she closed the door Lena's eyes flew open and Stef cringed at the relief in Lena's eyes when she saw Stef - It meant that Lena was still afraid.

"It's just me love." Stef said gently as she went to sit beside Lena.

"Where did you go?" Lena asked. She knew that Stef was walking the kids out but she had taken far too long to have done just that.

"I took the kids to the car and then made some calls." Stef said.

"To who?" Lena asked though she already knew that answer.

"They're leaving Europe tonight." Stef said and once again she saw the relief on Lena's face.

"Dad's coming too?" Lena asked, thought she knew that he would. He was the most important man in her life apart from her sons.

"Of course." Stef said. She wished her own dad could have loved her so unconditionally as Stewart loved Lena and as they loved their kids. Why had he always so disappointed in her? Why had she always disappointing him?

* * *

Lena was given another round of painkillers that lulled her into a restless sleep much like the night before. She would wake up every so often, only semiconsciously, pushing Stef away at first and then holding on to her tight. Stef never left her side even for a moment and by the early evening she was beginning to feel the exhaustion take over.

But once again Lena jerked awake and Stef grabbed her, the need to reassure Lena that she was safe momentarily overpowering her need for sleep.

"Sweetheart, you can't go on like this." Stef said gently to Lena. They had offered her a sedative more than once to help her sleep but Lena had constantly refused. She said she didn't want to depend on the stuff but Stef had a feeling it was more the fear that if Lena had a nightmare she wouldn't be able to wake up from it.

"I'm okay." Lena said, though her voice held no belief in her own words.

"You're not babe." Stef said gently, stroking Lena's curls. "You need to sleep, your body needs the rest to heal." She decided to use guilt to get Lena to succumb. "The faster you get better the faster we can go home." She said and Lena looked up at her, her face covered in misery.

"I'll be right here love." Stef assured her. "I won't leave you, I promise." She scooted further down into a lying position and pulled Lena's upper body on top of her own and held her tight as a sign that she meant what she said.

Finally Lena nodded and Stef reached across and pressed the call button, telling the nurse that Lena was ready to really sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Half an hour later Lena was still wrapped up in Stef's arms sleeping peacefully though Stef was struggling to do the same. She was absolutely exhausted but she kept glancing down at her wife to make sure the look on her face was still peaceful. The moment Stef saw a frown or heard a murmur or whine she was ready to hold Lena tighter and assure her that she was safe but so far it hadn't happened. Lena seemed to be sound asleep and dream-free.

Stef tried to keep her mind from wandering back to the previous night but each time she closed her eyes the image of Lena lying on the ground, clothes torn and covered in blood haunted her. She was relieved to be drawn from the image by a soft knock on the door. Expecting it to be a nurse checking on Lena she didn't respond - the nurses knocked to be polite but entered anyways. But this time the door didn't open but instead a second knock was heard, slightly louder this time.

"Come in." Stef said as softly as she could, waiting to see who was on the other side. Her eyes went wide as Callie poked her head through the door.

"What are you doing here?" Stef asked in surprise.

"I wanted to come." Callie said. She knew she was supposed to be home but she really wanted to be here with her moms.

"Honey." Stef said but then a thought crossed her mind. "Does Mike know you're here?" She asked the teen.

Callie's only response was to remain silent and look down at the floor.

"Where does he think you are?" Stef asked.

"The music store." Callie said softly, not making eye-contact with Stef.

Stef sighed as she reached for a phone and quickly called Mike.

"Yes, Lena's fine." She said when Mike answered and asked after her. "I actually called to say that Callie was here with me."

Callie listened to Stef's part of the conversation, not taking her eyes off her sneakers.

"No, she's going to sit with me for a while. I'll call you when I'm sending her back." Stef said, not taking her eyes off the girl and her last response to Mike caused Callie to make eye contact with her as well.

"I will. Thanks." Stef said and hung up the phone.

"I can stay?" Callie asked, a hopeful smile on her face.

"For a while." Stef said, motioning for Callie to come further into the room. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to be with you guys." Callie said, sounding slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry love." Stef said pulling Callie closer to her so she could sit on the bed.

Callie watched as Stef carefully maneuvered Lena and herself over so that Callie had place to sit. Callie noticed that Lena didn't even stir.

"Is she okay?" She asked worriedly.

"She's sedated." Stef explained. "She wasn't sleeping well."

The far-off look in Callie's eyes told Stef that she understood the feeling.

"Come sit love." Stef patted the spot near her and waited until Callie sat down, propping her feet up on a nearby chair.

"Are you doing okay?" Stef asked, combing her fingers through Callie's hair.

Callie nodded, not taking her eyes off Lena.

"She'll be okay baby." Stef said gently. "I just promised her that I wouldn't leave while she was asleep, so we'll sit here and talk."

"What really happened to her?" Callie asked, finally making eye contact with Stef.

Stef took a deep breath, preparing herself for the conversation to come. She didn't want to lie to Callie but at the same time she wanted to protect her as much as possible. But maybe trying to protect her was doing more harm than good because obviously Callie knew more that Stef was letting on and the confusion seemed to be causing more concern for her.

"Well it all happened pretty fast." Stef began, "So mama wasn't completely sure of everything but what she did tell us is that she was walking back to her car from the bar last night and two men must have seen her leave and followed her. As she was trying to get into her car they stopped her. One trapped her arms behind her back while the other one tore her clothes off." She waited a moment, putting off the next sentence as long as she could, breaking eye contact with her daughter and checking that Lena was still sound asleep.

"What then?" Callie urged her on after glancing at Lena herself.

"He raped her." Stef finally said, her voice breaking and a tear escaped her eye though she tried to stay strong for Callie. "Not the same way you were raped but he still raped her with his fingers."

Tears filled Calle's eyes as well and both of them reached out simultaneously for the other's hand, holding on tight.

Stef took another deep breath to compose herself before moving on. "She called for help and one man grabbed her throat and punched her to keep her quiet but a couple walking nearby heard her and called the 911. The guys got scared and decided to run but first they stabbed her in the leg so that she couldn't follow them I guess. By the time I got there there were already two cop cars trying to catch the men. One bolted but eventually we got them both."

Stef searched Callie's eyes for a moment for any sign of a breakdown but continued when she saw none.

"There were witnesses and evidence so they won't be set free." Stef assured, for both their sakes.

"I just wish it didn't happen to her." Callie mumbled. "I mean, I wish it didn't happen at all but especially to her."

Stef watched as Callie's head suddenly snapped up, eyes wide, looking guilty. "I don't mean that I wish it happened to you instead or anything." She quickly clarified her statement."

"I know love." Stef smiled gently. "I understand, I couldn't bare that look in her eyes either."

"She's just so... good." Callie tried to explain. "So soft, you know."

"I do." Stef understood exactly what Callie meant. But she also saw a side to Lena that the kids just took for granted and overlooked. "But she's a lot stronger than she seems sometimes." Stef promised her. "She has this strength and passion when she's fighting for you kids or even other kids at school, right from the time she was a teacher. It's pretty amazing to watch - she's so fierce."

Both Stef and Callie smiled at the image. Lena loved her kids more than anything else in the world and it was plain for anyone to see.

"Remember how she fought for Jude against Conners dad?" Stef reminded Callie. "She quit her job over it. That's how determined she was to protect him. And she did, and now there is a strict rule against parents bullying just like there are rules against kids bullying. None of us thought it was something she could win." Stef said honestly. "But mama fought hard and eventually got what she wanted."

Callie nodded. She remembered Lena petitioning the education board for protection for kids with differences. Eventually not only was Lena granted her wish but given a spot on the board to help with further problems. Now she was no longer dealing with the kids directly but she was still making life just a little easier for them.

"She's a tough one, your mama." Stef said, looking fondly down at Lena. "She'll get through this, just like she gets through everything else."

Stef imagined that Callie might be upset or sympathetic even. But she wasn't prepared for what her sixteen year old said next.

"It's not your fault, you know." Callie said in a voice so steady that Stef felt like she was talking to an adult. "You can't blame yourself."

Stef was too shocked to respond, not that she really knew what to say. She did blame herself in a way. She knew that bad things happened even with cops around but this wasn't just a woman, this was Lena and Stef wanted to protect her more than anyone.

"You're always strong for us." Callie continued. "Let me be strong for you for a bit." She squeezed the hand that she was holding.

"Sweetheart..." Stef began, trying to turn this conversation around again but Callie stopped her.

"I get that taking care of someone else helped you get through, helps you keep going, I really do." Callie said. "But someone once told me that it's okay to fall apart sometimes." Callie smiled at Stef, they both knew exactly who that someone was.

"I wish it had been me." Stef finally said out loud. Making a statement she never thought she'd make in front of her sixteen year old. The sixteen year old that seemed more like thirty at the moment.

"And I wish it had been me." Callie answered back.

Worry immediately creeped into Stef's eyes as she looked at Callie. "No Callie." Stef said firmly. "You can't think like that."

"Neither can you." Callie shot back just as sternly.

Stef looked back down at Lena, pulling her hand away from Callie stroking it over Lena's head, wrapping her arm around her protectively.

"I wish it never happened at all." Stef finally said.

Callie smiled at her. "I wish that too." She said.

Stef reached out her hand to Callie again and when Callie took it she pulled gently causing Callie to fall forward. Stef wrapped her free arm around the girl, hugging her just as tight as she did Lena.

"You are so amazing, you know that?" She asked Callie. "I'm so proud to call you my daughter."


	7. Chapter 7

"Do not disappear." Stef said, only half jokingly to Callie as she sent her out the door. Callie had stayed with Stef for over two hours until Lena began to stir and then another hour talking to Lena about nothing in particular, trying to occupy her mind with something other than reality.

Finally, when the nurses came to change Lena's bandages, Stef insisted that Callie needed to go home, warning her that she would be informing Mike that she was leaving and that she had to head straight home.

"I'll be okay mom." Callie promised. "I'll go straight home."

"I can ask Mike or Brandon to come and get you." Stef offered.

"I'll go straight home." Callie said again. "Trust me."

Stef smiled at her. "I do baby. I do."

* * *

Once Lena's bandages had been changed and she'd taken yet another round of medication it was just Stef and Lena alone in the room.

"You stayed with me." Lena said as Stef resumed her place on the bed beside her.

"Of course." Stef said. "I promised, didn't I?"

"I love you." Lena said into Stef's side. "I could never do this without you."

"You don't have to Lena." Stef replied seriously. "You never have to do anything without me. I'm always here."

"So why did Callie really come here?" Lena asked. Focusing on her kids was a lot easier than thinking about herself.

"She was worried about you." Stef said, brushing her hand fondly over Lena's sweater-clad arm, thinking of their daughter.

"She knows the truth?" Lena asked.

Stef nodded. She wasn't sure how Lena would feel about the fact that she had told Callie everything but she wasn't about to lie.

"That kids seen far too much." Lena said.

"She's tough." Stef said, though she wished that she could have protected Callie from even half the bad things that she'd survived.

"I'm tired." Lena said after a few minutes.

"Sleep Love." Stef said, readjusting herself for another night curled up next to Lena on the narrow bed."

* * *

The following morning Mike was struggling to get the kids ready for school. They were all in bad moods and just wanted to go to the hospital but Stef had insisted that they go to school. They argued over the bathroom and the hot water, they weren't happy with Mike's breakfast and in the end they were late leaving for school. Mike drove as far over the speed limit as he could without getting in any actual trouble but still they were ten minutes late. Mike walked the kids into the main office, planning to apologize for their tardiness but two teachers came up to them first.

"How is Lena?" They asked.

"She's okay." Mike said, not wanting to give too much information in front of the children. "Sorry we're late." He offered.

"Oh don't worry about it." The other teacher said. "I'll give the kids passes."

Mike waited and made smalltalk with the two women he had never met before as they filled out late excuses for the five kids and then sent them on their way.

"If there's anything we can do please let us know." One women said kindly and Mike nodded gratefully.

"She was such a wonderful person to work with." The other one said. "We were sorry to see her go and even more sorry to hear what happened."

It wasn't until Mike was back in the car and heading back to the house to clean up that he realized he forgot to even ask for the women's names.

* * *

Meanwhile at the hospital Lena was taken for some tests leaving Stef alone for a little while. She was so tired and in desperate need for a shower and some clean clothes but she wasn't about to leave the hospital. Instead she picked up her phone and dialed her mother.

"Hi sweetheart." Sharon said cheerfully over the phone and once again Stef found herself breaking down.

"What's the matter doll?" Sharon asked concerned.

"Mom." Stef sobbed. "Lena was attacked night before last." She finally managed.

"What?" Sharon said in horror. "What do you mean attacked?"

"Stabbed, beat, raped, you name it." Stef said. She was tired of repeating the damn story over and over again. Each time was just another reminder that she had been of no real help to Lena.

"Oh honey is she alright?" Sharon asked, still trying to wrap her mind around what she'd just been told.

"I really don't know." Stef said. "She seems okay sometimes but other times she's so scared and she can't sleep without a sedative. I don't know what to do."

"Are you home?" Sharon asked.

"No, the hospital." Stef said. "Lena can't leave for a few days at least. The wound on her thigh is pretty deep and they're worried about infection."

"Who's with the kids?" Sharon asked.

"Mike." Stef said.

"I'll catch the first flight out and hopefully be there by dinner." Sharon said. "I can stay at home and help Mike with the kids."

"Thanks mom." Stef said. "Stewart and Dana are on their way too, but I doubt they'll be up for battling with the kids."

"No of course not." Sharon said. "How are the kids?"

"They're scared." Stef said. "Callie's the only one who really understands anything. Even more than me I think."

"That kids had more than her share of hard times." Sharon said, thinking of her newest granddaughter.

There was silence on the phone for a while and Sharon could tell that Stef trying to keep control over herself.

"It's going to be okay love." Sharon said gently to her daughter.

"Why did it have to be her?" Stef asked as tears spilled over once again. "It should have been me." She sobbed again. "I should have been able to protect her. We were driving around just a few blocks away looking out for trouble. Why wasn't I there when she needed me."

Just then the door opened and Lena was wheeled back into the room. Stef quickly fumbled a quick goodbye to her mother as she tried to wipe away the tears she had managed to hide from her wife for over twenty-four hours now.

"What did they do love?" Stef asked, acting like nothing had happened.

But the look Lena was giving her told her it was not even worth the effort to pretend.

"What tests did they do?" Stef asked again, hoping Lena would just answer.

"Blood work and another scan for internal bleeding or swelling." Lena answered as the orderly helped her back onto the bed.

Lena waited until they were alone before she spoke.

"Honey, I know that you're trying to be strong for me and I love you for that. I really do." Lena began, turning so that she could looked at Stef who was sitting across the room in an arm chair. "I wish this never happened." Lena continued. "But I never wish that it had happened to you instead and I don't want you to think that either and I definitely don't blame you for what happened. You can't be everywhere and you can't stop everything honey." Lena said, finding strength in herself at the sight of her wife.

Stef's body was shaking slightly, trying to hold in more tears but she just stared at the ground, avoiding eye contact with Lena.

"Come here babe." Lena said gently.

But Stef made no move.

"Please Stef." Lena said. "Come sit with me. We need each other."

Stef finally looked up at Lena, her eyes red and glassed over. She saw Lena sitting up in the bed, arm reaching out for her. She quickly got up and went over to her wife pulling her into a fierce hug and receiving one just as fierce in return. Both women comforting each other and at the same time drawing strength from each other.


	8. Chapter 8

"I've got some good news." The doctor said later that afternoon. "You're tests came back clear, no infection, internal swelling or bleeding."

"That's great." Stef said.

"Does that mean I can go home?" Lena asked hopefully.

"Not yet." The doctor said in an apologetic tone and Lena's face fell. "But it does mean that we can transfer you to a regular room."

"So my kids can come visit at least?" Lena asked.

"All day." The doctor said.

"Oh, don't tell them that." Stef chuckled. "I'll never get them to school after that."

The doctor laughed as he left, informing them that the nurses would be in soon to help them transfer.

* * *

"That's some good news right?" Stef said encouragingly. "The kids will be able to all come in together and sit for a while. Your parents should be here in a few hours too."

"Are they coming straight here?" Lena asked.

"They wouldn't go anywhere else love." Stef smiled at her.

"They'll be so tired." Lena said a little guiltily.

Stef smiled. "And you think they'll be able to sleep before coming to see you?" She asked.

Lena just shrugged, but a smile spread on her face. She couldn't wait to see her parents.

"Remember when Brandon got chickenpox when he was seven?" Stef asked.

Lena nodded.

"You wouldn't leave his side for four days." Stef reminded her.

"And you wouldn't leave his side when his hand was shattered." Lena said playfully.

"Exactly." Stef grinned. "So the moral of the story is that parents don't give their kids any space, and yours are no exception."

* * *

It was five before the kids walked into the hospital, talking excitedly about the fact that they could sit with their mom all evening now that she was out of Intensive Care.

"Did you really need all this stuff?" Jesus asked his twin as he hauled a huge bag through the lobby.

"It's for mama." Mariana said. "It'll make her feel better."

"Stef's a lot easier to please." Callie grinned, eying a much smaller bag in Brandon's arms.

They finally got to the room that Stef had given them the number to. It was wide open and both moms were sitting up in bed waiting for them.

"Hey babies." Stef said, getting off the bed so that the kids could hug their mother. "How was school?"

"Long." Mariana said as she hugged Lena. "How are you feeling mom?" She asked Lena.

"Better baby." Lena said, hugging the rest of her kids.

"What's all this?" Stef asked of the bags that the boys dumped on the chair.

"Ask Mariana." Jesus said grumpily. "Her junk, but we had to haul it."

"It's not junk." Mariana said opening the bigger bag.

They all watched as she pulled out a hairbrush, dry shampoo, nail polish, socks, clean underwear, a t-shirt of Stef's that was Lena's favorite, sweatpants and other essentials for both Stef and Lena.

"Wow." Lena said. "Thank you baby."

"Aah, clean clothes." Stef said joyfully, digging through the second bag. "You are my favorite kid Mariana." She said, giving her a tight squeeze.

Mariana looked gleefully at her siblings, sticking her tongue out at her twin.

"Thank you guys." Lena said.

"Hey, where's Mike?" Lena asked.

"He went to pick up grandma Sharon from the airport." Brandon said.

"She's coming down to help with the kids." Stef explained.

"Is she going to come to the hospital?" Jude asked.

"Not today." Stef answered. When Mike picks her up he's going to come back here for you kids and take you all home. He has to work the night shift so please be good for grandma." She told them, looking each one in the eye.

"We will." They promised.

"What about grams and gramps?" Jesus asked.

"They will be getting in later tonight." Stef said. "They're going to take a cab down and will stay here for a while and then go to the hotel down the street. I booked them a room there."

"Why don't they just stay with us?" Brandon asked.

"They want to be close to mama." Stef said. "They will move in with us if mama get's out of the hospital before they leave."

"When can she come home?" Mariana asked.

"We don't know yet." Stef answered. "The doctor said that she's infection free right now but she could still catch one pretty easily. When her leg starts to heal some more and stops oozing only then."

"Oh." The kids whispered miserably.

"Babe, why don't you go home with the kids tonight." Lena suggested. "My mom can stay with me and you can stay with the kids."

Lena didn't mention that Stef could use the sleep. She knew that it was already going to be a battle getting Stef to go home - one that she would probably loose.

* * *

And she was right for Stef eventually just ignored Lena's attempts to send her home and with Lena stuck in bed there wasn't much she could do.

The kids spent the next hour and a half with their moms. Mariana helped Stef wash out Lena's hair with the dry shampoo and comb it out for her making Lena feel a lot better. Stef was going to help her change her underclothes after the kids were gone.

"Why don't you go take a shower." Lena suggested to Stef. "The kids are here if I need help and you now have clean clothes to wear as well.

"I'm fine love." Stef said, not ready to leave her wife.

"Stef, come on." Lena encouraged. "You'll be right on the other side of that door, the kids will call you if I need you."

Stef looked skeptically at Lena. She could see the guilty look on Lena's face and decided to oblige. She turned to the kids.

"Call me if she even breaths too hard." Stef said sternly and then turned back to her wife. "I'll be back in five minutes." She said.

"I'll be fine." Lena said. "Take your time."

Stef grabbed the regular shampoo, soap and clean clothes that Mariana had brought for her and headed to the bathroom, turning back once to look at her family, making sure they were alright before heading inside.

* * *

When Mike and Sharon got to the hospital they came up to the room just for a few minutes to visit with Lena. Sharon could see the stress on both Lena's and Stef's faces. She was glad she had come down to help with the kids. Lena had tried one last time to send Stef with them but Stef had refused and Sharon had helped her out. She knew her daughter would want to stay with her wife no matter how tired she was. She ushered the kids out after they all said their goodbyes leaving Stef and Lena alone once again.

"I wish you'd go home Stef." Lena said when Stef yawned. It was just seven in the evening but Stef was so tired. Lena at least was sleeping more now that she had the sedative but Stef was completely exhausted.

"I'm fine love." Stef assured her as she spooned some mashed potatoes and boiled vegetables onto a plate for Lena.

Callie had been right about eating. Lena put up a fight for every meal. She tried to eat but each time she struggled just to open her mouth and it killed Stef to watch.

"Dinner time." Stef said as cheerfully as she could, trying to keep things light for Lena but she could see Lena cringe. "Come on babe, just a little." Stef encouraged.

She practically had to spoon-feed Lena until just have of her food was done. After that Lena just stopped and Stef was reluctant to try and force her. After all it was forcing something into her that started this whole thing in the first place.

As usual now Lena was in a rather depressed mood after dinner and Stef just sat with her silently, holding her as she cried.

The only reprieve Stef got was when the door opened an hour later and Dana and Stewart entered. The relief on both Stef and Lena's faces was clearly visible.


	9. Chapter 9

Dana and Stewart rushed to Lena's side as Stef got off the bed. Lena crumbled in her parents arms and once again began to cry. Finally she was the kid and didn't need to be strong for anyone else. Stef excused herself and gave Lena and her parents some time alone. It was her first time alone apart from when Lena was taken for tests that morning and now she had no one to call. She headed to the waiting room - it was pretty late and so the room was empty. Stef collapsed into the first chair and began to cry.

Finally everything was catching up to her - the fear, the guilt, the worry and the exhaustion, and she finally had to just let go. It was something she would never have done in front of Lena but now, away from the eyes of her wife, who was in good hands, she let it all out. She cried so hard that her body shook and though she didn't make a sound her ears were blocked to all sound and so she jerked up, startled, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up to see Stewart standing before her, a look of complete understanding in his eyes. He took a seat beside her and pulled her in for a hug - the very first one she'd gotten since all this began and really, she needed it. He held her tight as she just cried for a good five more minutes.

"How did this happen?" She asked when she was finally done crying. "How did I let this happen?"

"You didn't _let_ it happen honey." Stewart said firmly. "It isn't your fault."

"I wish people would quit saying that." Stef said in frustration. "I was two blocks away, just two damn blocks."

"Did you know it was happening?" Stewart asked.

"NO." Stef practically yelled, horrified.

"Did you even know that Lena was out of the house?" He asked her.

"No." She replied, softer this time.

"Then how is it your fault?" Stewart asked.

Stef understood. Logically she knew that everyone was right but she still felt like she had failed somehow. It was like Lena had said not that long ago - she feels like she has to protect everyone she loves, even when it's not up to her.

"I just wish I could have stopped it." She finally said. "I wish I had been closer. I wish she'd just told me where she was going to be, or called me when she wanted to leave; I could have picked her up."

The moment Stef said the words she began regretting them. It sounded more like she was blaming Lena and that was something she couldn't even imagine doing.

"You know, this didn't just happen to her." Stewart said.

Stef gave him a quizzical look. "What?" She asked in confusion.

"It happened to all of you, all of us." He said. "You, me, Dana, the kids, everyone who loves her."

Stef continued to just stare at him, wondering if he was speaking a foreign language.

"We're all broken because of it." Stewart explained. "We're all hurting, scared, depressed - all the things to told me Lena was feeling, but if you think about it you're feeling it too and so am I and so are the kids."

Stef was finally beginning to understand - She was hurting, because the love of her life was hurting; she was scared, because she couldn't protect everyone no matter how hard she tried and she was depressed' because she had to watch her whole family go through all of this and there wasn't much she could do to help.

"You gotta give yourself a break." Stewart continued. "You gotta go on so that you can help them all go on. It's gonna be hard for a while but you just gotta do it."

Stef looked like she'd rather just give up but then the faces of her children flashed before her - Brandon, looking so confused about how this could have happened; Jesus, so angry; Mariana, scared; Jude, so caring and finally Callie - her face haunted Stef the most - her face showed understanding.

"I hate that I don't fully understand it." Stef admitted. "I hate that when I tell her it's going to be okay, I have no idea what it's really going to be. That when I tell her she's safe I might be lying because I thought she was safe that night too. I hate that my sixteen-year-old understands this better than I do and knows what to do to help Lena. She hasn't taken that sweater off since Callie gave it to her. That's all that Callie had to help her through what she went through - a damned sweater, and even that she gave to Lena. I fucking _hate_ how soft it is." She said, beginning to cry again.

Stewart needed to stop her rant before she worked herself up again. "Have you eaten anything?" He asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Lunch." Stef said.

"And by that do you mean an actual lunch or just something around lunch time?" He asked, knowing the answer already.

"A bag of chips from the vending machine." Stef said, too tired to even attempt to lie.

"Come on, let's get you something." Stewart said as he helped her up and lead her to the cafeteria.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the room, Lena and Dana were having a rather similar conversation. Lena was able to say things to Dana that she hadn't even been able to say to Stef.

"I'm so scared." She admitted. "I see their faces every time I close my eyes. I feel them on my skin and I desperately want a shower to wash that feeling off but I can't even do that. My damn leg is cut so bad that I can't let it get wet. Those sponge baths are nothing."

Dana just sat silently letting her daughter get it all out. How she wished she could take away her pain but she couldn't so instead she settled for just sharing in it.

"Stef's been so great." Lena went on. "But she's scared too and she tries to hide it but I know her - she blames herself and I wish I could get her to stop."

"Don't worry about her." Dana said. "She's strong."

Lena laughed sadly at the statement. "Not always." She said. "Not when it comes to her family. She may pretend to be strong but she's not fooling me. Sometimes it surprises me just how much she's able to love; the difference between Stef, the cop and Stef, my wife baffles me sometimes. It's like she's two totally different people."

"She is definitely more than I ever hoped for you." Dana agreed. "The family you two have made for yourselves is nothing short of amazing. You two are so strong and so connected that you were able to help four broken kids heal with that love. It's not something just anyone can do." Dana told her. "Loving your own kids is one thing, but loving someone else's - that's not so easy."

Lena looked at her mother with so much love. She couldn't imagine her life without any one of her kids and she was so thankful that she had Stef to share it all with - the laughs, the tears, the ups and down, the works.

"Stef is strong." Dana said. "And so are you. You've helped those kids heal and now you're going to do it again. You're going to let yourself heal and you're going to allow your family to help you."

"It's not so easy when it's me." Lena admitted.

"It can be a lot easier than you think." Dana said. "When you heal, your kids will be able to heal too - that's what will keep you going."

Lena thought about what her mom had said. For all their differences, whenever Lena really needed some good advice Dana was there - she had been when she lost her baby and she was there again now and both times she had reminded her that the one thing to keep going on for was her beautiful children.

* * *

"We should get back." Stef said, after eating a little more than half the chicken sandwich that Stewart had bought her. "We've been gone almost an hour."

"Don't worry." Stewart said. "Dana's with her."

"Then we better get there fast." Stef joked causing Stewart to laugh.

They both knew that Lena and Dana didn't always see eye to eye but they both loved each other and despite the jokes Stef and Stewart both knew that Lena and Dana would enjoy their time alone.


	10. Chapter 10

"What's mama going to be like when she gets back?" Mariana asked Sharon as her, Jesus and Jude were helping wash up after dinner while the two oldest kids were upstairs studying for a History test they had coming up.

"What do you mean honey?" Sharon asked her granddaughter.

"Will she be different?" Mariana asked.

"Well..." Sharon tried to find the words to answer the question.

"For a while." Jude said instead. "She'll be different for a while but slowly she's become herself again."

"How soon." Mariana asked.

Jude shrugged. "Don't know. And she won't be exactly the same but she'll be almost the same and you'll get used to the new her."

"What was Callie like before?" Mariana asked.

"Not that much different." Jude said. "Though she was more trusting, especially of kids. After Liam she didn't trust anyone anymore."

"Was she different with you?" Mariana asked.

"A little." Jude said. "She made sure I was with her all the time and she kept reminding me not to trust anyone no matter how friendly they seemed."

"Mom tells us that all the time." Jesus said. "'Predators know how to befriend you'." He mimicked Stef.

"It was different." Jude said. "Liam wasn't a stranger. Callie thought he was a friend."

"That must have been so hard." Sharon said, patting him on the back.

"It hurt her a lot." Jude said.

"I'm sure it hurt you too." Sharon said softly.

"He wasn't really all that nice to me." Jude said. "He tolerated me for Callie's sake but when she wasn't around he completely ignored me."

"Did Callie tell you what happened?" Mariana asked. "Like everything?"

"No." Jude answered. "Not at first. When we got sent away to our next home I overheard Callie crying one day and talking to someone. When I looked in her room she was holding her necklace and I knew she was talking to our mom. She kept saying things like 'she hadn't wanted it' and 'she was sorry she couldn't stop him' and 'no matter what they said, he was the one that hurt her'. I asked her about it and she tried to brush me off but finally she told me the truth."

"How old were you?" Jesus asked. He couldn't imagine having to hear something like that so young.

"Eleven." Jude said. "But I knew what she was talking about. We'd heard enough about it at schools and from social workers and stuff."

"Why didn't Calle say anything then?" Mariana asked. "They would have had evidence."

"It was her word against his and his parents described her as trouble." Jude said sadly. "No one even believed her."

"Like they didn't believe her when she wrecked your foster father's car." Jesus pointed out.

Jude nodded. "When you have a past, it follows you everywhere." He said.

"Honey, everyone has a past." Sharon said comfortingly. "You and your sister are so strong to have survived through everything, even when people were trying to pull you down. All that really says is that you are strong and determined and you should be proud of that."

"I never felt strong." Jude answered honestly. "Not until we came here. Here I felt accepted for who I was."

"Everyone's accepted here." Mariana said with a smile, remembering all her mistakes and how she's still loved and wanted.

* * *

A couple of hours later Dana and Stewart left for the hotel. Lena was already asleep and it was the first time she had managed to sleep without any medication to help her. The nurse had left it in the room in case she had trouble staying asleep but Stef hoped that she wouldn't need it.

Stef sat in the chair, not wanting to disturb Lena and just watched her. Lena was no longer frowning in her sleep and she wasn't restless either and Stef hoped it was a sign that she was healing. Finally Stef leaned back, closed her eyes and fell asleep as well.

It was six the following morning when Lena woke up. Her pain killers were wearing off and her leg was beginning to hurt again. She glanced around the room and saw Stef, fast asleep in the chair. Lena smiled at the sight and closed her eyes again, deciding that she could wait for her pills for a couple more hours if it meant that Stef could sleep a little longer.

* * *

But half an hour later Stef and up and at it. She helped Lena with her sponge bath and helped her into clean underwear, convinced her to eat her porridge for breakfast - which was a struggle, and then gave her a glass of sweet lime juice to take her meds with.

Dana and Stewart showed up soon after and took over the conversation, giving Stef a moment to go and grab a coffee.

"I wish she'd go home for a while." Lena told her parents. "She hasn't been home in two days. She needs a good shower and some sleep in her own bed, not to mention a proper meal."

"Let me see what I can do." Stewart whispered with a wink as Stef came back.

Stewart wrapped an arm around Stef when she came near the bed. "Okay now Dana and I have flown half way around the world to be with our daughter and you've had her pretty much all to yourself for the last two days so now you're going to go home, take a shower, get some sleep and come back in a few hours for lunch. Is that understood?" Stewart said in his best 'no-nonsense' voice, which was more comical than serious.

Stef raised an eyebrow at him, silently telling him that it was never going to happen.

"Honey, please." Lena said, taking Stef's hand. "Mom and Dad are here and I'll be fine. I promise they will call you if I need you okay."

Stef looked skeptical for a moment so Lena pulled on her arm bringing her closer.

"I'll be fine honey, I promise" Lena said. "Go get some real sleep please. It'll make me feel a lot better."

Finally Stef gave in and agreed. "I'll be back in a couple of hours." She promised. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will honey." Lena said. "Give the kids a kiss for me, and just relax for a while."

* * *

When Stef got home the kids were all lazing around in the kitchen. It was Saturday and Sharon was attempting to make crepes but failing miserably. She was was picking up a crepe, that was rather black on one side but still a little soft on the other, and putting it in a plate for Mariana.

"Oh mom." Stef said, taking the spatula from Sharon dumping the crepe back into the pan.

"Thank god you're here mom." Jude joked. "Grandma was about to kill us with her cooking."

"Hey now." Sharon said in mock devastation. "You had no trouble eating dinner last night."

"You ordered Chinese grandma." Mariana said and they all laughed.

"Geez thanks mom." Stef said, though really she didn't care that they had ordered out - at least they ate a meal and they were all smiling.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Stef stepped out of the shower, her hair still dripping from the hot shower she had. It felt so relaxing and her muscles were loosening up again. She had to admit she was a little too old to be sleeping in a chair all night. She pulled on her bathrobe and headed to her room.

"Hi baby." She said when she saw Mariana, lying on their bed reading a magazine.

"Hi mom." Mariana said.

"No plans for Saturday?" Stef asked as she dug out some jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt along with some underwear.

"I cancelled them." Mariana said. "I was hoping you'd take us back to the hospital with you."

"Honey, you don't need to cancel your plans." Stef said as she headed back into the bathroom to change. "You can come see mama in the evening."

"I wanted to come now." Mariana said.

Stef could hear the worry in her daughter's voice. "Okay honey." She finally agreed. "I'm going to sleep for about an hour. Come wake me up at eleven and we'll all have lunch together."

Mariana smiled triumphantly as she hopped off the bed - her task complete.

* * *

It was just before eleven when Lena called. Stef was still asleep and Callie picked up the phone.

"Hey mama." Callie said.

"Hi baby." Lena replied. "What are you guys doing?"

"We're all watching T.V." She said. "Mom's still asleep but we're supposed to wake her up soon."

"Baby wait." Lena said. "Don't wake mom okay."

"But we're all coming to have lunch with you today." Callie said. "She told us to wake her at eleven."

"Honey please, just let her sleep." Lena said. "When she wakes up you can all come and we'll have dessert together okay."

"She'll kill us." Callie said.

"Don't worry." Lena said, half laughing. "I'll take the blame. Just stop by the Cheesecake Factory on your way here and pick up some slices. I'll have a chocolate raspberry please." She said it in a tone more like a kid begging her mother for cake and Callie had to laugh.

"Okay mama." She finally agreed. "We'll see you soon."

* * *

Callie told Sharon and the other kids about the new plan and they all agreed that Stef would be mad.

"Mad or not I think it's a good idea." She said. "Your mother needs the rest."

"Hey I have an idea." Jude piped up. "Why don't Brandon and I go get the cheesecakes now so that when mom wakes up we don't need to make an extra stop."

"Good idea Jude." Brandon said. "Now all you have to do is convince me to drive you."

"Come on." Mariana said, rolling her eyes. "You know you're gonna do it."

Brandon laughed as she got up and went to grab his keys while Jude took everyones orders.

* * *

When Lena hung up the phone with her daughter she looked around her empty room. Twenty minutes ago she had been taken for yet another blood test to make sure she still had no infection. Her parents were absolutely exhausted and still jet lagged and so she sent them back to the hotel when the nurses came to take her for her tests, promising to call Stef when she was done.

She called Stef just like she promised her dad that she would but when she found that Stef was finally sleeping she decided to just let it go. Stef would be upset for a bit but it wouldn't last long. At least she'd be well rested enough to be mad at her in the first place.


	11. Chapter 11

"MARIANA!" Came Stef's voice from upstairs.

"Oh crap." Mariana mumbled.

It was well past one and no one had woken Stef. Brandon and Jude had gone to get the dessert and come back while the others got lunch ready. They were having leftover Chinese. Then they all settled in to watch a movie until Stef woke up.

"Mariana, you were supposed to wake me." Stef said as she entered the living room, looking annoyed.

"I'm sorry." Mariana began.

"Stef, Lena wanted you to sleep." Sharon interrupted, trying to get some of the heat off her granddaughter.

"She asked us not to wake you." Mariana said guiltily.

"Mama, who's in the hospital?" Stef said, knowing that would get to her daughter. "What about what I asked you to do."

"I'm sorry." Mariana said, not knowing what else to say.

"What happened to having lunch together?" Stef asked.

"Mama said we'd have dessert instead. Brandon and Jude went and got everyone cheesecake." Mariana answered.

"She's not alone honey." Sharon said as Stef went to grab the phone. "Get ready, we're leaving in five minutes." She instructed as she headed back upstairs.

* * *

"Hi babe." Lena said as cheerfully as she could, hoping Stef wasn't too upset.

"Don't 'hi babe' me Lena." Stef said annoyed. "Why would you tell the kids not to wake me?"

"Honey, you needed the rest." Lena tried to reason with her. "I could see how tired you were."

"That's not important Lena." Stef said.

"Yes it is Stef." Lena said. "Things don't just stop because I'm in here."

"If you're not in my bed then everything stops." Stef said as she got ready. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Don't forget my cheesecake." Lena said playfully.

"You don't deserve it." Stef said, though nothing would make her forget it.

Lena sighed as she hung up, knowing that in about twenty-five minutes Stef would be more annoyed than ever. At least she had some good news to share with her family when they got here that should dissipate any anger.

* * *

Not even twenty minutes later Stef was heading into Lena's room. Looking around she noticed that no one was with her.

"Where are your parents?" Stef asked as the kids began spreading their desserts on Lena's hospital table.

"They went to the hotel to rest." Lena said, trying to make it sound like it was no big deal, though she knew that Stef would be mad.

"When?" Stef asked, horrified.

"When I was taken for a blood test." Lena said.

Stef instantly knew that the lack of a definitive answer meant that she wasn't going to like the truth.

"What time was that?" She asked.

"Around ten-thirty." Lena answered but quickly continued. "I didn't know how long the test was going to be and they were so tired so I asked them to go."

"And they just left?" Stef asked in shock.

"Not exactly." Lena said. "I promised to call you after the blood test."

"Which is when you told the kids not to wake me?" Stef answered, connecting the dots.

"You were finally sleeping honey." Lena tried to explain. "And I was fine. I lay here and just watched some T.V."

"You were alone Lena." Stef said.

"I was fine and the nurses were here if I needed anything." Lena said. She reached out for Stef, needing Stef to forgive her.

"That's not fair Lena." Stef said. "You promised me you'd call me when I left."

"I know Stef." Lena said. "I'm sorry. "I was fine and I really wanted to you just relax."

Stef huffed in frustration. She couldn't even really yell at Lena right now. Even arguing with her was making her feel miserable. She glared at her kids, all ready to dig in, wishing at least one of them had had the sense to wake her when she'd asked.

"Don't be mad at them." Lena said softly, watching Stef carefully. "I asked them not to wake you."

"And I asked them _to _wake me." Stef said still annoyed.

"Yeah, but I kinda bribed them with cheesecake." Lena joked.

Stef finally allowed a small smile to creep onto her face. She watched as her kids handed out slices of cake to everyone - each one having their favorite.

"Chocolate-Raspberry" Callie said, handing Lena hers. "And Lemon-Raspberry for you." She said handing a second one to Stef.

Stef gave Callie a questioning look as she took the slice.

"What? Isn't that what you like?" Callie asked looking worried. "That's what mama told me to get you."

Stef turned her attention to Lena who was smirking away behind a bite of her cheesecake.

"Mama can never decide between the Lemon-Raspberry and the Chocolate-Raspberry." Stef explained. "I think she finally found a way to have both."

Callie looked from Stef to Lena and back again. Their love for each other was so clear in that moment and Callie was happy to have witnessed it.

"So which is your favorite?" Callie asked Stef.

"Tiramisu." Stef said giving Lena a playfully annoyed look as she took a bite of her own cheesecake.

"I love you babe." Lena said as she stuck her fork into Stef's cheesecake and stole a bite.

Stef laughed as she did exactly the same to Lena's, relieved to see Lena actually eat something by herself for the first time.

* * *

"Well I have something to tell you all." Lena said as everyone's empty boxes were being collected. "Like I mentioned earlier, I had another blood test today and it came back clean just like yesterday."

Everyone smiled and clapped and began talking at once at the news.

"There's more." Lena interrupted the merriment.

All eyes were on her again as everyone waited for her to continue.

"The doctor said that my leg has healed enough that I can be discharged tomorrow." Lena said.

There was silence in the room for a few seconds as everyone processed what she had said.

"You're coming home?" Jude finally broke the silence.

Lena nodded with a smile and soon all the kids arms were wrapped around her. Lena looked over at Stef and saw her gazing lovingly back, tears in her eyes.

_I love you_. Lena mouthed to Stef and Stef mouthed it right back to her.


	12. Chapter 12

Sunday morning the kids were up early getting the house ready for Lena. They cleaned up the kitchen and the living room and Mariana and Jude changed the sheets on all the beds and did the laundry while the other boys cleaned the bathrooms, mowed the lawn and vacuumed the house. Callie helped Sharon get lunch and dinner ready so that they could all spend extra time with Lena when she got home - only it was more like Sharon was helping Callie since Callie was doing all the work and the one giving the orders.

Lena was being discharged at twelve and Stef said that they probably wouldn't be home till about two and the kids wanted everything ready by then. Brandon and Jude went on a second trip to the cheesecake factory to get Lena her two slices of cheesecake as a welcome home and this time they got Stef her own favorite as well.

Callie still smiled whenever she thought about that interaction. In all the foster homes she'd ever lived in she had never witnessed actual love. Not all the homes had been abusive or neglectful but still, every member seemed to only do their own thing. And as for her mom and dad - she didn't really remember them together much. They were just her mom and dad and she hadn't really paid attention to anything else.

"The pot-roast is cooking." Callie said as she put the lid on.

"And the squash is ready too." Sharon said.

"Now on to the vegetables." Callie said, pulling out the extras for the pot-roast.

They were making Lena's favorite dish for dinner. It was proving to be more difficult than Callie originally thought but she was enjoying the challenge.

"The house is vacuumed and the bathrooms are done." Jesus said as he and Brandon entered the kitchen.

"Dinner's more than half way through as well and lunch is already in the oven, we'll eat in a bit." Callie said.

"Great." Brandon said, grabbing a carrot that Callie was dicing. "I'm going to shower then."

"Are you sure you made enough for everyone?" Jesus teased Callie as he glanced around at what looked like too much food even for ten people.

"Very funny." Callie said, dumping the carrots and potatoes into the pot-roast pot to cook. "If we fall short you can always stay hungry." She teased him.

Soon Sharon and all the kids were sitting around the table eating a cheese and asparagus bake that Callie had made, deciding all the things that were still left to do before their moms got home in just over an hour.

"I did four loads of laundry." Jude said proudly. "And didn't mix anything colored with the whites."

"He was great." Mariana agreed. "After lunch Brandon and I can do the dishes." She offered. "We're already done showering so the rest of you can get done as well."

"Great." Callie said. "Just keep checking on my roast and stir the vegetables and potatoes so they cook well please."

"Yes boss." Jude teased Callie prompting her to poke him in the side with the back of her fork causing him to giggle.

"Your moms are going to be so proud of you kids." Sharon said. "You did such a great job cleaning up the house and Callie, you did a great job on lunch and dinner."

"Thanks grandma." The kids said, huge smiles on their faces. "I can't wait for mom to get home."

* * *

When they finally heard the car drive up all the kids rushed outside to greet Lena. Stef helped her out of the car and onto the couch. Though Stef had driven rather slowly and carefully all the movement had caused Lena's leg to throb and her body was tired and sore after having lain in bed for three days.

Lena tried to be cheerful for her kids but it was clear that she needed to rest so Stef ushered the brood up to their rooms for a couple of hours to give Lena some time to relax. Within ten minutes she was sound asleep, her pain killers kicking in.

Dana and Stewart were resting in the master bedroom and Sharon was lying on Brandon's bed while the kids were all in the girls' room doing homework. None of them were concentrating too much and were more concerned about their mom.

"Hey guys." Stef said, poking her head in the door. "You did a great job with the house. I should leave you guys to it more often." She joked.

"I made the beds and helped with the laundry." Jude said proudly once again.

"I noticed." Stef smiled at him. "You did a great job."

Have you eaten lunch mom?" Brandon asked, noticing just how tired his mom looked.

"I grabbed something earlier." Stef said dismissively, though the truth was that she had eaten a power bar around eleven along with a cup of coffee while the nurses were doing one last check on Lena.

"Callie made a great bake for lunch and there's still some left." Brandon said, knowing his mom could do with some food.

"I'll get you a plate." Callie said, jumping up before Stef could protest.

Stef followed Callie downstairs while Callie served Stef a helping of the bake.

"This is delicious." Stef said sounding surprised. "I didn't know you could cook."

Callie blushed slightly. "I haven't done it in a while." She said. "My mom always said she thought I'd be a chef someday." She admitted.

"Well this is great." Stef said, taking another bite. "I think you should do the cooking more often."

"Lena enjoys cooking for us." Callie pointed out.

"True." Stef agreed. "I was thinking more like whenever it was my turn." She said with a wink, causing Callie to laugh.

Stef ate in silence for a few minutes while Callie poured a glass of water and set it down in front of her mother.

"Your pot-roast smells delicious too." Stef said when Callie opened the pot to stir it again.

"Thanks." Callie said. "I hope it tastes good. I've never made it before."

"I'm sure it'll be great." Stef assured her. "Besides it's Lena's favorite so she'll be happy."

Callie beamed. She hoped that Lena would like the dinner. She had spent a lot of time on it and looked through several recipes on the internet trying to find the right one.

* * *

After eating Stef went to do a load of laundry. There wasn't much to wash since Lena had spent most of the time in the hospital gown and she herself had only worn two outfits in three days. She wanted to get it done while Lena was asleep so she could be there for her when she woke up. Lena's leg still hurt and so did her insides whenever she moved. The force with which the man had entered her had probably caused some bruising, the doctor had said, and that's what caused the pain.

The kids finished their homework and were sitting with Lena's parents, talking quietly in the girls' room while Sharon and Stef spent some time together. Dana and Stewart hadn't had time to buy presents for them all so Stewart handed each of them a $50 note.

"Can't come all the way from Europe and not give my beautiful grandchildren anything." Dana said smiling.

Brandon, Jesus and Mariana thanked them, huge smiles on their faces. Callie and Jude looked shocked. They were still new to receiving gifts and found it hard to just accept them.

"You really don't need to." Callie said, trying to hand it back.

Jude followed her lead. It was the most money he'd ever had in his life and he really had no idea what to do with it.

"Nonsense." Dana said, pushing their hands away. "Of course I need to."

"Yeah." Jesus said. "Be grateful." He had no intention of returning anything and neither did his twin or older brother.

"Thank you." Callie and Jude finally said, rather awkwardly.

"Our pleasure." Dana said. "Make sure you buy yourselves something you love." She instructed.

That statement resulted in a long conversation of what each kid would buy.

"I'm gonna get new makeup and some clothes and maybe some shoes too." Mariana said excitedly though no one was surprised - that's all Mariana was ever buying.

"I'm gonna get new wheels for my skateboard." Jesus said.

"I've been saving for a new car stereo." Brandon said. "This will help a lot. Thanks gramps and grams."

"You're welcome B." Stewart said.

"What about you two?" Dana asked, turning to her newest grandkids.

"I'm not sure." Callie said, still looking at the note in her hand. "It's a lot of money."

"It's not all that much." Dana said.

"Yeah." Mariana agreed. "I'll disappear before you know it." She said.

Callie continued to look at the note. She couldn't think of what to buy with so much money. Before this house she would have stocked up of food for herself and Jude and maybe gotten them a couple of new jeans and jackets so keep warm during the colder months. But in this house all that was taken care of and this money was solely for Callie's pleasure and she had no idea what to buy with it.

"So..." Brandon asked, coaxing Callie to make a decision.

"I'm not sure." Callie said. "Maybe I'll open a bank account or something."

"Boring." Mariana said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm gonna buy new video games." Jude said smiling.

Callie shot him a disapproving look.

"With part of it." He quickly added.

"Well you just do whatever you like with it." Stewart said, making sure Callie understood that it was Jude's decision.

"So long as it's nothing dangerous." Dana added for good measure.

* * *

The family sat down for an early dinner so that Stef and Lena could get to bed. They were both exhausted and were looking forward to finally sleeping in their own comfortable bed.

"This looks delicious." Sharon said as Callie put the dish of pot-roast on the table along with the squash and a bowl of salad. "I can't wait to dig in."

"Me too." Jude and Jesus piped up together as Jesus reached across to grab the fork and knife.

"Mama first." Callie said, whacking his hand away. "I made it specially for her."

Everyone watched as Stef and Callie made Lena a plate and set it in front of her. Lena looked at the food and then up at her family around her. Suddenly the thought of eating upset her and the fact that everyone was watching her and expecting her to be happy and excited upset her even more.

"Go on mom." Callie said teasingly. "It won't kill you I promise."

The kids laughed as Lena slowly picked up her fork and speared a bit of the roast. She stared at it for a few seconds before dropping the fork back on the plate and bolting from the table as fast as her injured leg could take her, leaving behind nine stunned faces.


	13. Chapter 13

The entire table was still for a few moments as everyone looked around at each other in stunned silence until Stef finally pushed away from the table and followed Lena, instructing the rest to start eating. She found her in the living room crying and she felt like crying herself. How was she supposed to handle this? Lena needed to eat because she still had medication to take but just the thought of eating terrified her and Stef hated to see it.

"I'm sorry." Lena said when Stef sat down beside her.

"It's okay love." Stef said gently.

"I just couldn't." Lena said.

"It's really okay honey." Stef repeated. "There's no hurry. You can eat whenever you're ready." She didn't want to give her the option of not eating at all.

"I thought I was over it." Lena admitted. "After the cheesecake yesterday it seemed so much easier but just now, with everyone watching and expecting me to like it..." She trailed of as a sob took over.

"Honey, no one here is forcing you to do anything that you don't want to do." Stef said. "If you're hungry I can get you some food in here and you can eat where no one watches you or we can wait a while until you feel a little better."

"Will I ever be normal again?" Lena asked.

Stef thought about it for a moment. She knew what Lena meant but after all that Lena had been through this was considered normal.

"You are normal love." Stef said. "What you're feeling is normal after having gone through what you did. It takes time to heal, don't try to rush it. That won't do you any good."

"I just hate that it's changed everything." Lena said sadly. "I close my eyes and think about it. I can't eat, I hardly sleep and when I do I have nightmares and I can't even take care of my own kids right now."

"That's just it Lena." Stef pointed out. "It's just for right now. Right now you need to take care of _you_ and you need to let us help you. The kids understand that you're having a hard time and they just want to help."

"They must be so scared and Callie is probably hurt." Lena said miserably.

The kids are fine and I'm sure Callie understands." Stef assured her.

"She spent all afternoon making that for me." Lena said frustrated.

"Because she loves you honey." Stef said. "And because she loves you she will understand that you can't eat right now."

"It's true." Callie said, poking her head into the living room with a plate of cheesecake in her hand. "I just thought that since you like it so much it would be a little easier to eat but I get it."

"I'm sorry honey." Lena said, trying to control her emotions.

"Don't be." Callie answered, setting the cheesecake down on the table and sitting next to it. "Just do whatever you're comfortable with and don't think about what anyone else wants. We're all okay, I promise."

Stef watched as Callie helped put Lena's mind at ease and once again she had to admire the girl she now called her daughter.

"I thought maybe the cheesecake would be better." Callie offered but didn't give it to Lena, afraid that it might upset her as well. "We got you both flavors." She added with a smile, pointing to the two slices.

"Yum, Lemon-Raspberry." Stef joked with an eye roll extracting a grin from both Lena and Callie.

"Don't worry, we got you your Tiramisu too." Callie promised.

"How about some squash first?" Lena said slowly, know that she needed to eat something proper. "But in here, with just Stef." She said looking guiltily.

"That can be arranged." Stef said with a smile as she and Callie got up to get Lena a plate.

* * *

"Mama really liked the squash." Stef told Callie as she entered the girl's room and sat down next to her on the bed.

"I'm glad." Callie smiled.

"She's really sorry about the roast." Stef added. "She knows you worked hard on it."

"That's okay." Callie said. "I get it."

"But are you okay?" Stef asked her, studying her face. "Really?"

"Yes." Callie answered honestly. "I understand, I really do."

"I hate when you say that." Stef said, her body going slightly stiff.

"Sorry." Callie said softly, looking away.

"No, don't be sorry." Stef said. "I just mean that I hate that you do understand. I wish I could have stopped it or been there with you after it happened. I hate that you went through it all alone."

"I'm okay." Callie said, trying to ease Stef's mind.

"Are you really?" Stef asked, once again studying Callie's face.

Callie looked away and Stef sensed that Callie was hiding something. She was always trying to be brave and strong for everyone else and often hid or dismissed her true feelings.

Callie shrugged, not sure how to tell Stef the truth though she knew that her mom would drag it out of her one way or another. She was relentless like that and a part of her was thankful for it - she finally had people who actually cared for her and now that she was learning to accept it she was beginning to enjoy it.

"Alright, what aren't you telling me?" Stef asked. "Out with it."

"I tried to have sex with Wyatt a few weeks ago." Callie finally said, looking up to Stef to judge her reaction.

"Tried?" Stef asked, trying to keep her voice and expression neutral. There was a lot she wanted to say to Callie about her having sex but the word _tried_ made her realize that there was more to the story.

"I couldn't." Callie admitted. "I panicked."

Stef's expression went from curious to concerned as she waited for Callie to continue though her grip on the girl tightened ever so slightly.

"I thought that after all these years I'd be okay and I love Wyatt and I thought that would be enough." Callie said.

"What happened?" Stef asked.

"We were about to."Callie said, rather embarrassed. "But I stopped him from... I felt trapped and like I had no control."

"Did he stop immediately?" Stef asked, her motherly instincts mixing with that of a cop.

"Yes." Callie said quickly. She didn't want Stef to think that Wyatt was anything but nice to her. "He stopped right away. He was confused though and I eventually had to explain it to him a few days later. He's been okay with it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Stef asked.

"I don't know." Callie said as she thought for a moment. "I hated the feeling and I guess it's kinda weird to talk about too."

"Honey, there is absolutely nothing you can't talk to me about." Stef said firmly. "No matter what you do or feel or think, no matter how much trouble you may be in or how afraid you are you can always, always come to me. I'm here to help you with whatever you need."

"I know." Callie said and she did understand. "This is just weird that's all."

"Why?" Stef questioned.

"I don't know, it just is." Callie answered. "It's so... intimate."

"I'm a mom, you think I don't know about intimate?" Stef asked.

"I know it's just, you haven't been my mom for very long." Callie admitted softly. She didn't want to hurt Stef's feelings but at the same time she still felt like an outsider sometimes. Talking about sex was something you did with someone you have known your whole life, who has watched you grow up and knows every little thing about you; not someone you only met less than a year ago, who was pretty much forced to take you into her home and eventually fell in love with you.

"That's true." Stef agreed. "But I love you just as much." She said.

"I know that." Callie assured her. "I just still find it hard getting used to sometimes." She admitted.

They were quiet for a few minutes as they both thought about what the other had said. Stef realized that she needed to talk to Callie more. Just because the girl seemed fine doesn't mean that she was and clearly Callie had never had anyone to really talk through the personal stuff with and Stef needed to help her realize that her was that person now - she was the one Callie needed to come to when she couldn't handle something or didn't understand something, or was afraid or confused or anything else. And Callie had to learn to accept that even though Stef had known Brandon since before he was born and the twins for almost a decade she still considered all five of them just as important and just as much 'her's' as she did Brandon. It was still pretty new to her if she was being honest with herself then she had to admit that she was still afraid sometimes that it would all be taken away from her - that it would all just disappear.

"I'm glad you stopped him." Stef said, finally breaking the silence.

"You are?" Callie said, sounding surprised.

"Yes." Stef said. "Not so much for the fact that as your mom I think you should wait to have sex but more because if you aren't ready then it's better not to force yourself."

"Like what you told Lena." Callie said, remembering the conversation she overheard earlier.

"Yes." Stef said. "If you force yourself to do something you aren't ready for it can really do damage." Stef told her.

"What if I'm never ready?" Callie asked.

"You will be one day." Stef said. "When the time is right and the guy is right, you'll be ready."

"You don't think Wyatt is the right guy?" Callie asked.

"I don't know that." Stef said. "He may be but maybe the timing isn't right. I think that you thought you were over it because you had buried it. But you haven't really dealt with it and until you do that it'll always play in the back of your mind."

Callie thought about what Stef said. She hadn't ever really dealt with it, that's true. She had no idea how to.

"We can have you talk to someone." Stef offered. "If you aren't comfortable talking to me or mama we can find someone you can talk to."

"Like a shrink?" Callie asked.

Stef nodded. "Mama needs to see someone too. We can get you an appointment as well."

"No, please." Callie said. "I don't want to. I talk to you - I told you this didn't I? It just takes me a while that's all."

"Okay." Stef said, holding Callie tight. "But if you ever feel like you need to please don't be ashamed of it okay."

"Okay." Callie said.

"And remember, you can talk to me about anything." Stef reminded her, shaking her a little as she emphasized the last word.

"I know." Callie said.

"And use protection." Stef added. "Whenever you're ready, use a condom."

Callie nodded as she looked away.

"I'm serious." Stef said firmly, making Callie looked back at her.

"I know, I'll be careful." Callie said seriously as well.

"Good." Stef said as she pulled Callie's head onto her shoulder and just held her for a while, both of them silently enjoying this time together.


	14. Chapter 14

"Is Callie okay?" Lena asked as Stef walked into their bedroom.

"Yes." Stef said, knowing that Lena was really only talking about the dinner. She decided to leave the rest of the conversation for now - Lena wasn't really ready for that yet. "She understands. They all do. They know it's going to take a while for you to feel comfortable again. Don't worry about them."

"They were so scared." Lena pointed out. She had made it a point to go and say goodnight to each of them to show them that she was okay but she could see the worry in their faces.

"Yes, but they have me and mom and your parents." Stef reminded her. "They'll be okay. We're there to talk to them and explain it all to them."

"I'm sorry." Lena said, not really sure what she was apologizing for - for freaking out to begin with or the fact that they were left to deal with it all.

"Please don't be babe." Stef said, pulling Lena closer in bed. "Don't worry about anything besides just getting better."

* * *

Everyone was happy to have Lena back home, especially Lena, but soon the anxiety began to build up. In the hospital she had begun to feel safe - the constant activity and people around all the time had comforted her. But now, at home, she felt a little less protected. Stef was beside her and that made her feel a little better but still, everyone was asleep and the house was dark and quiet and Lena wasn't comfortable. She began to breath heavily and though she tried to calm herself down she couldn't and eventually her body began to shake as sobs took over.

As soon as Stef felt Lena shaking in her arms she was up. "What's wrong love?" Stef asked worriedly.

Lena was crying hard now and she was gasping for breath. Stef jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to get a glass of water for Lena. The moment the bathroom light went on Lena began to feel a little better - everything wasn't so dark anymore.

"Here love." Stef said helping Lena up and handing her the glass.

The cool water felt good and eventually Lena calmed down and was able to breath again. Stef took the glass from her and placed it on the side table before pulling Lena up against her and just holding her in much the same way she had held Callie.

"It's okay Love." Stef whispered. "You're safe. No one can hurt you."

Lena did feel safe in Stef's arms but she wouldn't be there all the time. Eventually Stef would go back to work and the kids would go to school, her parents and Sharon would go back home and Lena would be home alone and at some point she'd have to go out alone as well and those are the things that scared her. The thought made her annoyed with herself - what thirty-nine year old is afraid to be home or go out alone? _One who's been attacked_ she answered herself miserably.

"That's what I thought that night too." Lena said.

"Honey, there are precautions we can take to keep us safe." Stef reminded her. "Like not going somewhere without someone knowing where you are, and avoiding situations like that night."

"I can't call you every time I need to go somewhere Stef." Lena reasoned.

"Not every time, love." Stef said. "But a night out, after you've been at a gay bar, when you're all alone..."

Stef felt Lena stiffen in her arms. "I know you hate the fact that this probably happened because of where you had been but honey that's the reality. People aren't as open to us as we might wish. We have to be safe, that's more important than anything else."

"I just feel so stupid." Lena said. "I knew it wasn't the safest thing to do but I'm a grown woman, I should be able to take care of myself."

Stef knew that this wasn't going to get anywhere. Her telling Lena that she was reacting normally to what happened to her only resulted in Lena arguing, and so she tried another tactic.

"What would you have told Mariana or Callie?" She asked. "If this had happened to them, and they were feeling like you are what would you say?"

Lena thought for a moment. Stef had a way of using tough love to get people to finally face the truth. She figured that's one thing that made her a damn good cop.

"I would tell them that it wasn't there fault and just because they were out alone at night doesn't mean they were _asking for it_." She said, and it was true. It was like the conversation she had had with Jude so long ago - it made her angry that other people, people who didn't understand being different, made her feel unsafe and uncomfortable to show who she loved.

"Then how is it different for you?" Stef questioned, knowing that Lena would have no good answer.

And Lena remained silent. Just like Stef had thought, she had no answer and she was mature enough not to just make one up. Stef was right and Lena needed to just accept that though she'd be afraid for a while and feel nervous about certain things, it was natural and eventually she'd go back to being her regular self - except that she would be slightly changed forever.

"Just because you're an adult doesn't make it any easier for you love." Stef said gently as she played with Lena's curled, soothing her. "It doesn't mean that you can't feel whatever it is you're feeling or that you're stupid for feeling them at all."

"I know." Lena said softly. "I just want it to pass."

"It will love." Stef assured her. "Give it time."

They lay together quietly for a while longer and once Stef felt Lena falling asleep again she slipped out of bed and headed to the bathroom where she dug out Callie's sweater from the dryer. It was still warm and felt great as Stef took it back to Lena. She flipped off the bathroom light, that she had left on in her hurry to get back to Lena with the water.

"Leave it on please." Lena said in a small voice, almost embarrassed at her own request.

Stef switched the light back on and closed the door slightly allowing their bedroom to be lit up just enough to make Lena feel safe.

"It's fine honey." Stef assured Lena as she helped her into the sweater and then pulled her close as they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Monday morning Stef and Lena slept in while Sharon and Dana took charge of getting the kids up, fed and off to school. They had wanted to see Lena before going but Dana reminded them sternly that she needed to rest and told them to call during lunch to talk to her. Reluctantly the kids left for school with Stewart driving them.

Stef had a couple more days off to be with Lena before she headed back to work on Wednesday. She had debated taking the night shift so that Lena wouldn't be alone at all - during the day she'd be home while the kids were at school and at night the kids would be home while she worked - but Lena's fear the night before made Stef rethink that idea.

Sharon was heading back to Florida on Wednesday as well and Dana and Stewart were flying out on Friday morning, so for two days at least there would be someone with Lena. But Stef worried about what would happen when Lena was alone. She reminded herself to call the therapist that the hospital had suggested and make the earliest appointment for Lena. The doctors at the hospital felt that Lena wouldn't really need more than a few sessions, just to help her cope with what had happened and how she was feeling and find ways to express herself and Stef hoped that was true, but she'd do whatever she had to to help Lena feel safe.

* * *

When Lena woke up just after nine, Stef was already up and out of the room. The bathroom light was now switched off but the room was flooded in natural light and as Lena looked around the familiar surroundings she chastised herself for being afraid in her own bedroom.

She headed into the bathroom to brush her teeth and shower before heading downstairs to join the other adults. Stef, Sharon and Dana were in the living room talking.

"Good morning love." Stef smiled as Lena entered the living room and took a seat next to her mother.

"Sleep well baby?" Dana asked, holding Lena close.

Stef smiled at the site - no matter how crazy your mother drove you, when you were sick or hurt it was her that you wanted.

Lena nodded slightly, sharing a look with Stef but Stef did think that Lena slept well. Yes, she had panicked a bit when they actually tried to sleep but it wasn't long before Lena did fall asleep and she slept through the night. Stef was the one that had woken up every so often to check on Lena and make sure she was okay.

"Where's dad?" Lena asked.

"He went to get us all donuts for breakfast." Dana said.

"Yup, I refused to eat that horse food that you two eat." Sharon said with a grin, referring to the oats and wheat flakes that Lena insisted on since it was healthy.

"It's good for you Sharon." Lena said laughing.

"But it tastes like crap." Sharon answered her. "Sugar, now that's something worth stuffing your face with."

"I bet you won't think so when your cholesterol is through the roof." Stef pointed out.

"Oh, you can't live your life being afraid of what might happen Stefanie." Sharon scolded her daughter.

But Lena was thankful that she had managed to change Stef's views on healthy eating. Stef had grown up eating unhealthy, prepackaged foods on a regular basis and had grumbled immensely when Lena insisted she try the healthier stuff that Lena cooked. But with Lena's constant insistence and pleading Stef had begun to accept it and eventually even prefer it. It had reached a point where Stef even tried to get her father to eat a little healthier whenever she could.

"First you have to live long enough for something to happen mom." Stef shot back.

"This is all your doing." Sharon pretended to scold Lena with a grin.

"Guilty." Lena smiled, though she wasn't sorry one bit.


	15. Chapter 15

Stewart showed up a while later with a dozen donuts - all various forms and flavors - there were jelly donuts, powdered sugar donuts, custard donuts, chocolate donuts and fruit donuts.

"Two for everyone and an extra for Sharon and myself." Stewart grinned as he winked at Sharon.

"Amen." Sharon smiled as she picked up a chocolate donut and took a big bite.

"She's the only one who doesn't grumble." Stewart gave his daughter a pointed stare.

Lena ignored it as she pulled out a fruit donut and began to eat it.

Stef chose a vanilla custard donut and handed a lemon one to Lena. "Trust me there are some things even Lena won't say no to."

"Like what?" Stewart challenged.

"Well lemon custard donuts for one." Stef answered, biting into her own. "Um... cookie dough ice-cream, cheese cake, oh and anything with swiss chocolate." Stef listed.

"So next time I want something unhealthy I know how to bribe my daughter." Stewart teased and Lena pretended to throw her donut at him.

Dana watched in amusement as Stef and Stewart continued to tease Lena. The three were having a blast and Dana wished sometimes that Lena felt that close to her as well. She knew that she was an opinionated woman and Lena hated that sometimes but she was her mother and she wanted what was best for her daughter - even if her daughter didn't like it sometimes.

Sharon was also watching the fun and had thought long the same lines as Dana, only about Stef. She watched Stef laugh and joke with Stewart as they continued to tease Lena. She had never seen Stef so happy before getting together with Lena. She had always considered that Stef might have been gay but Frank had made sure to suppress any feelings Stef may have had. In hindsight Sharon wished she had stepped up and fought for Stef but it was too late now. She was just glad that Lena had come along and helped Stef find happiness. Sharon would never trade her family for anything and she knew that Stef and Lena felt exactly the same way. They not only had love for each other and Brandon but had found enough love to share with four other children who had no one. As Sharon watched her daughter she could honestly say she had never been more proud of her.

_Oh Frank, if only you could have gotten past your stubbornness._ Sharon said silently to her late ex-husband, remembering all the times that he and Stef had argued and fought, especially since she finally came out to them. How Frank had tried to convince her to stay with Mike and make it work. He had tried to convince her that it was just a phase and wouldn't last. _Eleven years on and they're still more in love than we ever were._

* * *

The kids came straight home once school was done. They all wanted to see Lena and spend some time with her. Though they new that she was safe and would take a while to get back to normal they still needed the security of being with her and Stef. Especially for the younger four it was times like this that their insecurities played up.

"How about a picnic?" Stef suggested. The whole family was lazing around the living room deciding on what to do for the evening. None of the kids wanted to do anything away from their moms and Stef didn't really want them sitting around watching movies all evening.

"Picnic." Jude said, his eyes lighting up. It was one of the few things he remembered doing with his mom before she died. It was a reasonably inexpensive treat and she had done it often.

"Yeah, you know... blanket, basket, food, Yogi Bear." Stef teased him.

Jude looked over at Callie, a huge grin on his face.

"We have a basket somewhere." Mariana said, trying to remember where they had stored the oversized wicker basket.

"Didn't we throw it out when we cleaned the garage?" Jesus tried to remember. "I think the handle was broken and one of the flaps didn't close properly.

"He's right." Lena suddenly remembered. "Another box had fallen on it and broken it. We threw it out."

"But I know the blankets are in the hall closet." Mariana said. "I saw it just two days ago when I took out the extra pillows for grandma."

"Well go grab them then." Stef said and Mariana immediately jumped up to get the blankets.

"Where should we go?" Brandon asked? "Callie can take her guitar and we can play music."

"And I'll get a ball and a frisbee and we can play some games.

"We can go to the little park down by the public school." Sharon suggested. "It's where we took Stef when she was younger and she always had just the best time."

"I remember that." Stef smiled. "It's full of trees and open spaces."

"Great, shade and place for the kids to play." Dana said, agreeing.

"Alright. Well Stewart, how about you and I go grab some food and snacks and stuff from the store while the kids get ready." Stef suggested and the kids instantly disappeared to get ready.

"Sure." Stewart said, getting up. "Nothing healthy though - it's a picnic." He teased.

The four adults turned towards Lena, expecting to see a smile on her face but instead it was clouded with worry.

"Okay we'll get healthy snacks honey." Stewart said to his daughter but her expression didn't change.

"What's wrong love? Stef asked, taking a seat next to Lena.

Lena looked from Stef to her parents and back again. "I don't think I'm ready." She said honestly. "I don't want to go out."

Stef and Dana shared a look. It had never even struck them that Lena wouldn't want to go outside. Stef reached out and pulled Lena into a hug and she felt Lena begin to shake as she started to cry.

"I'm sorry. I know you guys were all excited about this. I just can't go. The grandparents can take the kids if you don't mind staying home with me Stef." Lena asked. She would have liked Stef to go too but she wasn't ready to stay home all alone either.

"Of course." Stef said without missing a beat. "We can have a little picnic of our own out in the back yard." Stef suggested with a smile.

"How about we all have our picnic out in the back yard." Sharon suggested. "I'm sure the kids won't mind and you're yard is certainly large enough, I mean, we did have your whole wedding there."

"No, no." Lena protested. "The kids could really use some fun."

"The kids can have just as much fun here." Dana shushed her daughter. "Besides I'm sure they'd rather be with you than go off without you anyways."

Lena looked to Stef for some help but Stef was sure that Dana was right.

"How about we give the kids the choice?" Stef suggested, knowing what their answer would be already.

"Okay." Lena said, though she still felt guilty.

"Guys, could you come down here a minute." Stef called up the stairs and soon five kids were thumping back down into the living room.

"There has been a slight change of plan." Stef explained, trying not to make it seem like it was because Lena was afraid. "Mama and I are going to stay here this afternoon, mama is tired. Your grandparents can either take you on your picnic or we can have it in the backyard." Stef explained.

"Backyard", "Stay here", "Picnic with mom" were all versions of the kids replies.

"You guys really don't have to stay back for me." Lena said. "I'd love for you to have some time outdoors."

"The backyard is outdoors mom." Jesus said kindly.

"It's decided then." Brandon stated, leaving no more room for discussion. "Backyard picnic it is."

Once again the kids headed upstairs, to get all the things they had originally planed to take out with them - just because this picnic was in their back yard didn't mean it wasn't still a picnic.

Stef and Stewart headed out to grab all the junk food they could think of and Stef promised Lena she'd get her something healthy at least. It was hard enough for Lena to eat still and a salad or some yogurt sounded much better than chips, sandwiches and all the candy she was sure they would buy.

* * *

"How are you holding up?" Stewart asked Stef as he drove her down to Harris Teeters.

"I'm doing okay." Stef said, looking out the window.

"She's not here you know." Stewart reminded his daughter-in-law. "It's okay not to be _okay_."

Stef had to smile at his answer. He was a good man and cared very much for her family, one of only two men in her life that accepted her whole-heartedly and it depressed her to think that her father hadn't been one of them. She made a note to call Mike and invite him to their picnic as well. He had been a real help after Lena was attacked and she hadn't yet had a chance to thank him.

"So..?" Stewart interrupted her thoughts.

"I just get mad sometimes." Stef admitted.

"At yourself?" Stewart asked, remembering her admission the first night he came down.

"A little, but I was talking about the men." Stef said. "I just think that they never even thought about who the person they were hurting was. If they knew Lena, knew her heart, how much she loved and cared for others, they would never have been able to do that. But Lena wasn't even a person to them." Stef practically choked on the words. "I wonder, did they look in her eyes? Did they see her fear? Did they care? Did they wonder if she had a family, kids, anyone that loved and needed her. Could they see past the fact that she was black, or gay or alone, or whatever it was that made them hurt her in the first place?"

"You probably know better than anyone what goes through these peoples' minds when they attack others." Stewart began. "But this time it's harder for you because it was Lena."

"How can it not be?" Stef asked.

"It can't." Stewart answered. "And it shouldn't. She's your wife and when I watch you two I don't think there is anyone who loves her more in this world, including me and Dana." Stewart said sincerely.

Stef looked over at her father-in-law and could see how honest his words were. She did love Lena more than anything and she would do anything for her. Stef was always so tough - sure she had to be at work but she was tough with the kids too, they couldn't get away with just anything and Stef would get angry with them and not mind, if it was going to make them better people. But if Stef was angry with Lena, or worse did something to make Lena angry with her then it practically killed her.

"I hadn't even begun to live until I met her." Stef said. "I loved Brandon more than anything, he was my world but after meeting Lena it wasn't just that the two of them became my world but I became someones world as well." Stef admitted. "Mike loved me but I couldn't love him the same way. And with parent's it's different. Lena was the only person I began to feel comfortable around, I could be myself and not worry about what she would think. I never had to hide anything from her."

"I know she feels exactly the same way about you." Stewart said, thinking back on all the times, especially in the beginning, when Lena would just rave about Stef.

"When I saw her lying there, before I knew just how bad her injuries might be, I was so afraid I'd lose her." Stef admitted in a small voice. "I didn't know how I would go on without her. I felt like that when she wanted to continue to carry Frankie after she was advised against it and after that time I never wanted to feel like that again. But once more I was put in that position and I was so scared."

Stewart reached across the console and took Stef's hand and held it as she cried.

"She's still here." He reminded her. "She's here, she loves you and you love her and eventually she'll be okay. All you need is some time."

"Thanks." Stef said. Stewart hadn't really solved anything but he had just listened to her and given her a place to vent. Stef had to be strong around Lena and the kids and her personality made it hard to let go sometimes but having someone like Stewart to let it all out with helped and Stef was glad that he was here.


	16. Chapter 16

The adults had been sitting out in the back yard for about an hour now, sprawled over the two large picnic blankets. The kids were all littered around the yard - Jesus was teasing Mariana by searching for bugs and throwing them at her.

"EW. JESUS!" Mariana yelled as an unidentifiable bug landed on her shoulder.

Jesus laughed as his sister threw a twig in his direction.

"Jesus, stop torturing your sister." Stef said from her place on the blanket between her mom and Lena.

"It's fun." Jesus protested. "Just listen to her squeal."

"It's won't be so much fun when I dye your hair pink while you're asleep." Mariana shot back and watched as Jesus dropped a leaf he was holding that contained a bug back onto the ground.

Callie, Brandon and Jude all began to laugh from their place against a bench. Brandon was sitting and trying, unsuccessfully, to teach Jude how to play the guitar.

"No, the third fret." Brandon said to Jude.

Jude moved a finger over and strummed again.

"No Jude, that's the second fret." Brandon said again.

Once again Jude made some adjustments and tried again.

"No move your pointer over, not your middle finger." Brandon corrected once more.

Jude huffed but did as he was asked and strummed yet another horrid sounding tone.

"But don't move your thumb." Brandon reminded him, exasperated.

Callie began to laugh harder. "I told you it's no use." She said. "I've tried before. It takes more effort than it's worth."

"Hey be nice to your brother." Stef scolded.

"I am." Callie said, still grinning. "He just really sucks."

Stef and Lena watched as their kids played around. It was so nice to see them having a good time. Not only were they all getting along so well and had learned, not only to accept each other, but love each other as well over the last eight months. It was also refreshing to see Callie and Jude act like siblings. It had been a difficult journey to get Callie to relinquish her maternal hold over her brother but lately she'd been more comfortable with letting the mom's do the whole mom thing and she had begun to accept her own role as another kid.

"We're all good at something." Lena reminded her kids as she did every so often.

"Except me." Jesus said, plopping down next to Mariana. "I'm good at everything."

He knew he was opening himself up for trouble but it was worth it.

The adults laughed sarcastically as the kids all listed Jesus' faults.

"Except school, and girls, and cooking, and cleaning up, and singing, and..." The list went on.

"I'm good at the important stuff." Jesus fought back.

"Like what?" Mariana questioned.

"Wrestling." Jesus replied.

"Great, so you're a Neanderthal." Mariana labeled. "Uncivilized and unintelligent."

"Hey, enough." Stef yelled. "Before this turns into a battle."

The kids went back to their own thing leaving the adults to talk.

* * *

Stef, Lena, Mike and the three grandparents were sitting, talking quietly when Lena began to shift uncomfortably next to Stef.

"You okay love?" Stef asked as she reached out to help support Lena.

"Just tired." Lena said. "My leg is beginning to hurt. I think I need to lean back or sit on a chair or something."

Stef looked around for a moment at what she could get for Lena but then had an idea. "Come on." She said helping Lena up and leading them both to the tree.

Stef sat down against the tree and pulled Lena to her front so that Lena could lean against her in her arms. "Better?" She asked.

Lena nodded blissfully as she leaned her head back against her wife. "Perfect." She said.

Now the two women had a little time to themselves and they were enjoying just sitting back and watching their family.

"They are such good kids." Lena said, watching as they were all playing with each other and shoving one another.

"That they are." Stef agreed as she played with Lena's curls.

The two sat watching their kids for a few moments longer until Lena lowered a hand and began drawing random patterns on Stef's thigh.

"You know you don't have to hide anything from me Stef." Lena said, not turning around of face her wife.

"What?" Stef questioned in confusion.

"I know that you're still angry and you still wish you could have protected me." Lena said.

"I will always wish that I protected you." Stef answered. "That's never gonna change."

"I get that but you don't have to keep hiding it from me." Lena said turning around to look at Stef. "I love you just as much as you love me and my life hadn't really begun until I met you either. We do everything together, including this."

Stef opened her mouth to say something, realizing that Lena was using the words she had said to her father-in-law just a few hours ago.

"Don't be mad at him." Lena said quickly before turning back around to lean against her wife. "He didn't mean to let it slip, I don't think he even realizes that he let it slip. I just know you too well."

"And besides, why are you keeping secrets from me anyways?" Lena continued, before Stef had a chance to speak. "If you're mad you let me know, we'll be mad together. I know you're trying to be strong for me and I really appreciate that but I'm not going to break. I tell you when I'm scared - I told you last night and you helped me fix it. Let me help you too."

Stef didn't say anything though she still wished that Stewart hadn't let it slip. She could share all her feelings with Lena, she couldn't do that to her right now. She wanted to protect her from the world.

"I know it's hard for you, but you gotta try for me." Lena said, as though reading her mind. She then turned around and met Stef's surprised gaze. "I told you, I know you so well Stefanie Adams Foster." Lena grinned.

* * *

After a while Mike wandered into the house to grab some juice boxes for everyone, especially the tired kids. He handed them around and then brought two over to Stef and Lena.

"Thanks Mike." Stef said as she took the juice boxes from him."

"Sure thing Stef." Mike said, and turned to leave.

"Hey Mike." Stef called him back.

"Yeah," Mike said, turning back towards them.

"Thanks for being here." Stef said sincerely.

"Thank you for inviting me." Mike answered back.

"No, not just for today." Stef clarified. "For always being here."

"It's no problem Stef." Mike said. "You guys are my family."

"Thanks for that night too." Lena added. "And for watching the kids. I don't know what I would have done if Stef couldn't be with me that night."

"It's no problem really Lena." Mike smiled. "I'm just glad that you're okay."

Mike headed back towards the kids who were by now chasing each other around the yard leaving the moms alone again.

"It's taken Mike so long to reach this point." Stef said as she watched her ex-husband interact with her kids.

"I know you feel bad for hurting him but you did the right thing." Lena said. "Neither of you would have been happy in a failing marriage, he just didn't realize that."

"Still, I found love but he never did." Stef said. "After me that is."

"But he's happier now." Lena said, remembering the times when they had first gotten together, Mike had taken it hard and Stef had taken that even harder.

"He is." Stef agreed. "He's a really good guy and I'm lucky that he's B's father."

"I used to be so jealous of him." Lena said.

"NO, really?." Stef said in mock surprise.

"Stef." Lena chastised gently.

"Honey, you'd turn green if I even mentioned his name." Stef said laughing. "And remember when I told you that I'd be working with him again?" Stef reminded her of the day.

"I just hated that he had you first." Lena defended herself.

"But you have me forever." Stef reminded her.

"True." Lena said, turning around and kissing Stef lightly on the lips.

* * *

A while later the grandparents got up and moved the blankets over towards the two women and called the kids in for lunch. Lena had her salad, still leaning against her wife, as she watched the rest of her family stuff up on junk food. Jesus was especially enjoying the rare treat and Lena wondered to herself how they would get him to calm down after all that sugar.

"I think this is the first time I've ever eaten junk in this house." Mike stated as he stuffed his face with a twinkie.

"Us too dad." Brandon joked.

"Don't get too used to it." Lena said.

"Yeah, I like having gramps here." Jude said with a smile as he bit into a snowball.

"Well we have sandwiches, rolls and fries as well." Stef said, pushing a plate closer to her kids. "So don't just fill up on candy please."

The kids grabbed the rest of the food as well and began eating. Silence filled the air as the group ate.

* * *

After lunch Stef, Mike, Sharon and Stewart joined the kids in a game of soccer which wasn't all that easy considering the yard was littered with flowerbeds, bushes, trees and furniture. Sharon and Mariana spent most of their time avoiding the ball at all costs while the others were pretty into the game. Brandon and Jude weren't very good so the match was mostly between Stef, Mike, Callie, Jesus and Stewart. Stef and Mike being the most competitive and on opposing teams making it a real fun match.

Lena was enjoying sitting with her mother and watching her family play. Her kids were having fun and she hadn't really seen smiles on their faces since all this began.

"You have a wonderful family." Dana interrupted her thoughts, watching Lena watch her kids.

"I was just telling Stef that myself." Lena smiled at her mother.

"You and Stef did a wonderful job with all five of those kids." Dana said affectionately.

"Thanks mom." Lena said, rather surprised. It wasn't often that her mother had something nice to say without having a 'but' follow it.

"The amount of love the two of you share - it's beautiful to watch." Dana said honestly.

"She's everything to me." Lena answered. "I get how scared she got when she saw me lying there. It's the same way I felt when she was shot - like I had no idea how to go on if I lost her. It's just hard sometimes, you know. This was just a fluke with me and I know that she was scared but she goes out there every day and puts herself in the line of danger and it scares me so much."

"You know honey, we can't always control what happens. Sometimes things happen despite how hard we try to stop them." Dana said. "What you need to remember is that no matter what happens the two of you love each other and that's what matters more than anything else."

"I know that." Lena said. "But I need her and I can't lose her."

Dane reached out and pulled Lena close. There was nothing she could say to change the way Lena felt; there were no promises for the future and you just had to make the best of _no_w_._


	17. Chapter 17

That night Stef left the bathroom light on and the door ajar after she was done brushing her teeth. She crawled into bed beside Lena and just held her for a while. The day had gone pretty well and even Lena was enjoying herself but Stef began to notice her getting tense as it got dark. After their late lunch and soccer game the kids all headed inside and Stef, Sharon and Dana make a light dinner of just salad and soup, something healthy after their junk-food lunch.

After dinner Lena helped the kids with a little homework for a while until she became too tired and needed to lay down. When she took her meds she became drowsy and when they wore off the drowsiness wore off as well but the pain returned. The doctor had said that it was mostly due to the fact that the knife had hit the bone and it would pass with time. She was to go to the doctor the next day for a check up and if all was healing well then a couple more days till the stitches were removed.

Now the two of them just lay in bed and Stef held Lena gently. She began to realize that Lena was okay during the day and became somewhat afraid at night and Stef hoped that she could bring Lena some comfort.

"Talk to me." Lena whispered.

"About what?" Stef asked.

"Anything." Lena answered.

Stef thought Lena was talking about her feelings. "I already told you everything outside." She said.

"I know." Lena said. "And I'm glad that you aren't hiding from me anymore but that's not what I meant. Just talk to me about anything."

Stef thought for a moment before she began. "Do you remember the day we first met?"

Lena nodded and smiled remembering that day.

_"Sorry to keep you waiting. Hi I'm Lena Adam's, the assistant vice principal." Lena said extending a hand to the blond woman waiting for her._

_"Hi, I'm Stef Foster." Stef said, completely taken by the woman in front of her, holding on to her hand a little longer than required._

_"So... your son..." Lena enquired, just as drawn to Stef and she was to her._

_"Brandon... Brandon." Stef stuttered._

_"Brandon." Lena acknowledged. "He will be starting Kindergarten this fall."_

_"Yes, he's five." Stef said._

_"Great, well I would be glad to give you a tour, tell you about our school, are we waiting for your husband to join?" Lena asked, hoping that Stef would say that she was single._

_"Uh no, uh he's not... uh he couldn't make it." Stef said, unsure of how much to share exactly._

_The two of them laughed awkwardly._

_"Okay, well uh... follow me." Lena said and lead Stef on a tour of the school._

"I can't remember one single thing you said to me about the school that day." Stef admitted.

"Good because I'm pretty sure I made a mess of that tour." Lena giggled.

"You, no way." Stef said. "You seemed so calm."

"Hardly." Lena said. "I just kept reminding myself that I was at work and really wanted to keep my job."

"I had completely lost myself." Stef said. "I didn't even remember that I was there to talk about Brandon."

"I kept hoping that you'd tell me you were single." Lena admitted, "Though I knew there was like a zero percent chance that you were gay since you had a son."

"I didn't want to say that I was separated." Stef said. "It's not something you enjoy sharing with strangers. Besides, I wasn't exactly comfortable with who I really was back then."

"And then you met me." Lena said, smiling up at her.

"And then I met you." Stef agreed.

* * *

"What about the first day I got upset with Brandon." Lena said.

"I think you just might have been more upset about that than he was." Stef said remembering how much Lena had cried that night.

_"What happened?" Stef asked as she took a seat next to Lena and tried to hug her. But Lena pulled away._

_"You need to talk to him." Lena said._

_"Okay I will." Stef told her. "But tell me what happened first."_

_"He pushed another kid on the playground this afternoon." Lena explained. "I told him that he needed to apologize to the boy but he refused, saying he deserved it. The boy accidentally knocked down Brandon's sandcastle." Lena said. "He apologized but Brandon pushed him and he hit his head on the side of the sandbox."_

_"I'll talk to him." Stef said. "Have you given him a consequence yet?" She asked._

_"I tried to but he said that I wasn't his mom and he didn't have to listen to me since we weren't in school either." Lena said miserably._

"I left like such an outsider." Lena said.

"But I was so happy." Stef said. "It meant that you two were really forming a relationship. Real relationships aren't all yeses and love you's"

"You were right that day." Lena said. "When you 'welcomed me to parenthood' I just hated being the bad guy."

"He forgot about it pretty quick." Stef reminded her.

"Yes he did." Lena smiled. "That feeling of him holding my hand - nothing could compare to that."

* * *

"What about the day I brought home the twins." Stef said, shaking her head at that memory.

"I though you picked Jesus up from the zoo." Lena admitted. "He was all over the place."

"I didn't realize when I first met him that he needed medication to keep him calm." Stef said.

"I had no idea what to do with him." Lena said. "All my years as a teacher but the thought of a kid that energetic full time was just so overwhelming."

"How many things did he break?" Stef asked.

"I don't know." Lena said. "I lost track after fifty. And that was just the first week."

"But he had such a good heart." Stef said.

_"I play the piano." Brandon said, showing their new guests his room. "I have a box full of toys but I like my keyboard the best. Grams gave it to me for christmas."_

_"What other toys do you have?" Jesus asked, not really interested in something that required him to sit in one place and concentrate._

_"Tons." Brandon answered, opening the toy chest at the foot of his bed. "Legos, cars, stuffed animals, action heroes, coloring books, video games, I got everything."_

_"Cool" Jesus had said, pulling out spiderman figure and flying him around in his hand._

_"What toys do you have?" Brandon asked the boy._

_"I only have two ninja turtles and three hot wheels cars but you can play with them if you want." Jesus said._

_Stef and Lena had been watching from the doorway, shocked that the little boy was so ready to share his meager belongings. They had talked to Brandon about sharing his toys with his new foster siblings but hadn't expected them to share in return._

* * *

"And Mariana was completely the opposite." Lena said. "She barely moved, wouldn't talk and I'm pretty sure didn't breathe either."

"She was so scared." Stef agreed.

"Until she finally just let us in." Lena smiled at the memory.

_"Mariana, Stef is calling us for breakfast." Jesus said, poking his head into his sister's bedroom. "Better hurry before Brandon eats it all up."_

_Mariana quietly followed her brother down the stairs, though not in the noisy, kangaroo-like fashion that he did, and entered the kitchen like she was instructed._

_"Hey sweets." Stef greeted. "Would you like a waffle?"_

_Mariana remained still just as Stef expected she would as she set a plate in front of the girl along with a glass of orange juice._

_"The syrup is right in front of you honey." Lena said gently, knowing that the girl wouldn't take anything herself._

_Jesus, the ever caring brother, reached out for the syrup to pour over his sister's waffle while the mom's got busy getting their own breakfast together._

_"Please could I have caramel sauce instead." A very small voice asked, shocking all four people sitting at the table with her._

_Lena had been the first one to come out of her shock. "Of course sweetie." She said, quickly getting up to get it for her._

"It took me a second to figure out who had spoken." Stef said. "We had never heard her voice before."

"It was the sweetest sound ever." Lena said. "Later that day I suddenly thought to myself that I was so thankful that we actually had caramel sauce. It would have been so sad if we had been out of it."

"True." Stef said, not having thought of that before.

"I'll never forget that day." Lena said. "We had tried so hard for weeks to get her to talk."

"And now we've been trying for years to get her to stop." Stef joked, though she had been just as thrilled as Lena at hearing the little girl's voice.

* * *

"And when Callie called you mom." Lena said, grinning up at Stef, knowing that that particular memory still warmed her wife's heart.

"I cried several times that day." Stef said, her eyes tearing up just at the memory.

_"So can I go?" Callie asked as she sat at the dining room table with Stef and Lena._

_"Have you done your homework?" Stef asked._

_"Yup." Callie said taking a bite of her ham sandwich._

_"Where are you going to be?" Lena asked._

_"Probably hang out at the beach. We won't do anything we're not supposed to." Callie confirmed as she popped the last bite of her sandwich into her mouth._

_"You'll be home by nine?" Lena asked, obviously giving Callie the permission to go._

_"On the dot." Callie promised as she got up to rinse out her plate._

_"And you're sure you've done your homework" Stef repeated to Callie who was now rinsing out her plate._

_"Yes Mom." Callie rolled her eyes in exasperation. Suddenly her rinsing stopped and the room was completely still. She was too nervous to turn around and look back at Stef. "I'm sorry." She finally said still staring down at her plate. "It just slip..."_

_But before she could continue she felt Stef's arms wrap around her from behind and pull her back into a hug. Stef tilted Callie's head up to the side so she could look at her and Callie saw tears in her eyes._

_Stef kissed Callie on the top of her head and said "You've just made today one of the best days of my life."_

_Callie smiled up at Stef in relief as she turned around and hugged Stef back._

"I could have hugged her all day." Stef said. "I honestly never thought she'd get used to calling us mom."

"I didn't either." Lena said. "I though we'd gotten her too late and she'd been through too much to allow herself to get that close.

"In a way the fact that it was a slip-up made it more special." Stef said.

"How is that?" Lena asked. "She hadn't really meant it. How is that more special?"

"No, she just hadn't meant to say it." Stef shared her reasoning. "But the fact that it slipped meant that she was already thinking it."

"I guess that makes sense." Lena said. "If you could have just seen your face..." She added smiling at her wife.

* * *

"And remember Jude, hiding food under his bed." Lena said.

"You were pacing our room when I got home." Stef said. "That always meant that you were worried about something."

"He was so afraid that he was going to be sent away." Lena said.

"I wasn't sure which was worse, that he thought we'd send him away or that he had to save up on food for the next house." Stef said.

"I know, that was the worst."

_"We have a stocked pantry, you can help yourself anytime you want." Lena said before taking a seat in front of the young boy. "Are you worried that we're gonna run out?"_

_"No, it's just, sometimes foster homes don't have a lot of food or they, you know, they keep track of what we eat." Jude admitted softly._

_"Are you afraid that someone is going to come and take you away from us?" Lena asked, trying to understand the boy's thinking._

_"That's kinda how it goes." Jude said. "Callie does something, caseworkers show up, we get moved."_

"My heart just broke when he said that." Lena said. "We had just told him we wanted to adopt them and he still thought he'd get sent away."

"Years and years of broken promises made them so distrusting." Stef said.

"Kids are supposed to steal candy and toys, not lunch and dinner." Lena said.

"He's learnt to trust us." Stef said.

"That he has." Lena agreed. "He's so open about everything now but with Callie being gone, his whole world just fell apart."

* * *

"Speaking of which what about our wedding and fabulous honeymoon." Stef joked.

"You mean you didn't enjoy chasing after a teenage runaway the day after our wedding?" Lena said laughing.

"She made me so mad that day." Stef said. "I was so scared for her. I was so damn relived when the police called and said they had found her."

"She went back to juvie." Lena reminded her.

"Yes, but she was safe." Stef said. "I've seen first hand what can happen to girls like her and the images that were going through my mind were definitely not pretty."

"But we got through it all, just like we get through everything." Lena said.

"Yes we did." Stef said. "We got through that, and Brandon's shattered hand and loosing Frankie and now we'll get through this."

"We will." Lena agreed, determined to be her old self again as soon as possible.

* * *

"How about our first kiss?" Stef said, leaning down to give Lena another.

"I came out of the school ready to break up with you that day." Lena said. "You were married and not even sure you were gay."

"But I was." Stef said. "And I was in love with you."

_"I'm not doing this, I'm not, I'm not getting involved with a married woman." Lena said, the moment she reached Stef in the parking lot. "Women like you, you are just passing through but this is where I live Stef."_

_"I told Mike and I told my dad and I told all of my... well most of my friends." Stef interrupted her. "I told them I'm gay, I even used the word lesbian. I told them that I met a woman that I can't live without and I belong with you Lena... That is if you'll still..."_

_"You had me at lesbian." Lena said, not wanting Stef to think that she wasn't wanted._

"I was actually nervous to kiss you." Stef said. "I didn't want to do it wrong."

"Is there a wrong way to kiss?" Lena asked, frowning at Stef.

"I don't know, but if there is I didn't want to find out about it then." Stef said laughing.

"It was a great first kiss." Lena said, thinking back.

"We've had so many great first's together." Stef said. "Our first kiss, our first date with Brandon, our first date without Brandon and I have to admit that one was a lot more fun." Stef said remembering how it ended with the two of them lying naked together in Lena's bed, giggling like teenagers who were unsure of what to do.

Stef felt Lena tense ever so slightly at that memory and she knew that she was nervous about the thought of sex after what had happened. Just like Lena, she too wondered what sex would be like for them from now on but she knew that Lena wasn't ready to find out just yet and she was willing to wait as long as she needed. Instead she tightened her told on Lena and without using any words, assured her that there was no rush and they'd get through it when she was ready just like they get through everything.

* * *

**The flashbacks in italics that have asterisks before and after are actually scenes taken from my other one-shots and used as flashbacks in this story.**

**The first one (Brandon gets into trouble with Lena) is from Discipline and the second (Callie calls Stef mom) is from Mom.**

**Obviously the flashback of Stef and Lena meeting for the first time and their first kiss is taken from the episode Vigil (109) and the one of Jude hiding food is taken from Things Unsaid (113).**

**The flashback of Mariana and Jesus will be made into a one-shot as well, it's just not done yet.**


	18. Chapter 18

Lena finally fell asleep in Stef's arms and Stef spent another rather sleepless night, checking on Lena several times and thinking about what the future held for them.

After sending the kids off to school on Tuesday Stef called the therapist that the hospital had recommended and made an appointment for Lena for the following day and then took Lena back to the hospital for a checkup.

"Hello again Lena." The doctor said smiling at her.

"Hi doctor." Lena said as Stef shook his hand.

"How have you been feeling?" The doctor asked as Stef helped Lena onto the bed.

"Still sore sometimes." Lena said. "But only when the medication wears off."

"That's to be expected. It was a pretty deep cut and it's only been five days." The doctor said prodding at the cuts. "But it looks good actually. It was small lengthwise so it's healing nicely. We can probably take the stitches out in a couple of days."

"Can I have a real shower then?" Lena asked making both Stef and the doctor laugh.

"Yes, You can." He said. "But no baths yet. Not until it's completely healed."

"Good enough." Lena said. "Those damp cloth things can't even be considered cleaning."

"You weren't complaining when I washed your hair yesterday." Stef said.

"That was amazing." Lena admitted.

"Well another two days and you'll be able to shower. Just be careful and don't rub the area. Pat it dry with a soft towel and don't use a loofah or anything around it." The doctor instructed.

"I won't." Lena said.

"Also avoid any harsh soap." The doctor continued. "Maybe a mild baby soap will be best for a while."

"I can do that." Lena said.

"Any other pains?" The doctor asked. "Body aches, headaches, dizziness?"

"My body hurts sometimes and I get tired easily but I think that's just the medication." Lena said.

"Yes, the medication would make you tired and weak." The doctor agreed. "Besides that?"

"Nothing really." Lena said.

"Well everything looks good Lena." The doctor said. "Continue your medication for another week until the pain goes away completely and come back on Thursday or Friday to have the stitches removed and hopefully after that you won't ever have to see me again." The doctor said kindly.

"Thank you doctor." Stef and Lena said as they shook his had and left the room.

* * *

"That went well." Stef said as she drove them home.

Lena nodded but remained silent and Stef instantly realized that something was wrong.

"What's the matter love?" Stef asked, her attention split between the road and Lena.

"Nothing" Lena said.

"Come on Lena." Stef said. "I thought you'd be more excited."

"I am." Lena said. "It's just I feel like I'm only healing on the outside." She admitted. "Inside I still feel broken."

"That's going to take time Lena." Stef said. "But it's happening already. You just haven't realized it."

"How?" Lena asked. "I'm like a small child - I can't be left alone and I'm afraid of the dark and I can't take care of my own children."

"But you're getting better." Stef insisted. "You aren't having nightmares anymore and while you do need a light on you're at least sleeping through the night and you're basically fine during the day. And as for the kids, there are four other adults in the house and you need to let your body rest."

"I just wish I could see it heal like I can see my leg." Lena admitted. "It's like with my leg I can judge how much longer."

"Sweetheart, don't rush it." Stef suggested. "I know you want it bad but let it run it's course otherwise it may come back and we don't want that now do we?"

"No." Lena said, though it didn't really change the way she felt either.

* * *

When they got back home Sharon and Dana had made lunch and the five adults sat down together to eat. Though Lena was still eating a lot less than she was used to she was finding it a little easier. Heavier foods were still a task for her but soups, salads and anything light went down okay. She still did better when no one was watching her and for their part the family basically ignored her at meal times.

Lena was tired after her trip to the doctor and all the prodding he had done had caused her leg to throb. Dana took her upstairs while Stef spent some time with her mother. Sharon was leaving the following day and Stef had hardly gotten to spend any time with her.

"What did the doctor say?" Sharon asked as they settled down in the living room.

"She's healing well." Stef answered. "But she's not happy with how far she's getting emotionally." Stef confided in her mother.

"It's not gonna happen overnight." Sharon said.

"Try explaining that to her." Stef said sadly. "I think she's doing pretty good. It's only really the nights that freak her out and I don't really blame her."

"Is she sleeping?" Sharon asked.

'She is." Stef answered.

"That's good." Sharon said. "She'll get there. But if you need me to stay longer I can you know."

"I know mom, thanks, but we're okay and Dana and Stewart are here for a couple more days." Stef smiled at her mother.

"Okay but if you change your mind or you need me to come back just let me know." Sharon instructed.

"I will thanks, but I thing really we just need to get back to life." Stef said. "Getting back to our routine will be good for her I think." She said hopefully.

* * *

Upstairs Lena was asleep and Dana was laying next to her reading. Every so often she would turn to her daughter and just watch her sleep. She looked so peaceful while she slept and Dana felt so thankful that Lena wasn't hurt worse than she was. She loved her daughter and though she knew she was quite critical of the way she did things she just wanted what was best for her just like every mother wanted for their child.

"How is she?" Stef asked, poking her head into the room to check on Lena.

"Sleeping." Dana said, readjusting Lena's curls away from her face.

"Good." Stef said.

"How are you doing honey?" Dana asked her daughter-in-law.

"I'm holding up." Stef answered. "It's been a great help having you guys here though."

"Of course." Dana said. "We didn't want to be anywhere else."

"I know she's afraid of what's going to happen after you leave." Stef said. "I got back to work tomorrow and on Friday she'll be home alone for a while."

"She'll be okay." Dana assured her. "She's strong."

"She is." Stef agreed. "But right now she doesn't have much faith in herself. I was going to take a night shift so that she wouldn't be alone at all but nights seem to be the worst for her and I don't think she'd do well alone and I don't want the kids to have to handle that." Stef said.

"I don't want that either." Dana agreed. "Take the day shift, she'll be okay."

"We have two more days, let's see how it goes." Stef said. "Otherwise I might take some extra time off."

"Can you do that?" Dana asked.

"Unpaid." Stef said.

"If you two need help with money all you need to do is ask." Dana said.

"We're okay, thank you." Stef said.

"Honey, you have five kids and I'm not saying that you were wrong in that - they are amazing kids and I'm proud to call each one of them my grand-babies but I know that that can get pretty expensive so please let us help if you need it." Dana said kindly.

"I will, thank you Dana." Stef said, touched by her efforts.

"Anytime." Dana smiled.

* * *

Lena was awake and feeling a lot better by the time the kids got back home. The twins and Jude all came back with piles of homework and projects to work on since spring break would be coming up shortly and they headed upstairs to get a head start on it.

"What is your project on?" Lena asked Jude as she entered his room and sat on his bed.

"We have to use scrap to make some sort of a model depicting nature." Jude answered.

"Do you have any ideas?" Lena asked.

"Not really." Jude said.

"How about I help you think of some?" Lena suggested.

"Yeah." Jude said smiling, he could use all the help he could get and he liked spending a little time alone with Lena.

Lena lay against Jude's pillow while he sat on the floor with a book and pencil ready to write down her suggestions.

"Well, we could make a map of the world, get a large paper and use green sand to make the continents and maybe cellophane paper for the water." Lena suggested.

"That's cool" Jude said, writing it down.

"Or we could make a 3D model using real leaves and twigs and some clay for mountains and make a scene, get some plastic animals and make a beach and ocean or something." Lena thought.

"They both sound good." Jude said, thinking between the two.

"Well you decide and let me know what you need." Lena said.

"Thanks." Jude answered. "Um... would you help me make it?" He asked cautiously.

"I would love to baby." Lena smiled at him and her heart melted at the smile he returned.


	19. Chapter 19

On Wednesday morning Stef woke up early to get ready for work. She had to drop Sharon at the airport before heading into the station. She knew that Lena was apprehensive about it but her parents were still going to be home with her so it wasn't too bad. She showered and dressed and then woke Lena.

"Hey Love." She said, gently kissing Lena.

"Is it time already?" Lena asked rather softly.

"Not yet love." Stef replied. "I'm going down to make breakfast, why don't you brush your teeth and join us downstairs."

"Is your mom all set?" Lena asked, getting out of bed.

"I haven't been outside yet." Stef answered.

"What about waking the kids?" Lena asked.

"Your mom's been doing that this week." Stef reminded her.

"Right." Lena said and headed into the bathroom without another word.

Stef sighed as she headed downstairs to get breakfast ready. Today wasn't going to be easy for Lena and Stef hated the fact that she couldn't be there for her but she felt going back to work while her parents were still here was far better than doing it once they were gone. Today would be sort of a trial run as she wasn't staying for a whole shift. She was leaving earlier to take Lena to her appointment. Stef had asked if Lena preferred her mother to go with her but Lena had requested for Stef instead and Stef was really happy about that. She wanted to be there for Lena every step of the way.

When Stef got to the kitchen she was surprised to find Stewart and Jude at the stove, a stack of pancakes already on a plate.

"Hi boys." Stef said, going over to give Jude a kiss.

"Mom, we made breakfast." Jude said smiling.

"I see that." Stef said as she stole a piece of bacon that was frying in the pan. "Be careful though bud, don't get splattered, it's hot."

"I won't." Jude answered as he began transferring the bacon onto a plate.

"We thought we'd give you a head-start on breakfast." Stewart said, pouring Stef a cup of coffee.

"Thank." Stef answered both for the coffee as well as breakfast.

"You all ready to get back to work?" Stewart asked, taking a seat at the table with Stef.

"I'm not sure." Stef answered honestly. "I'm worried about Lena."

"You just leave Lena to us." Stewart said. "We kept her alive for twenty-eight years before you met her, I'm sure we can go on for another day." He joked.

Stef smiled at her father-in-law, he always knew how to cheer someone up. "Fine." She said, in a tone that suggested she was taking a major risk, causing both of them to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Dana asked as she lead Lena down the stairs.

"That's between us." Stewart joked with his wife, though in reality he hadn't wanted to bring up the subject with Lena around.

"Are the kids almost ready?" Stef asked Dana.

"I got them up, but then I went to check on Lena." Dana answered. "Sharon's still up there though." She reminded Stef.

"That's not much help." Stef answered as she headed towards to stairs. "She'll need someone to hurry her up as well."

"I'm stressing her out." Lena said when Stef was gone.

"She's fine honey." Dana told her daughter. "She's just rushed, she needs to get Sharon to the airport on time."

"Yes, but she's worried about me." Lena said knowingly. "And she hasn't slept much and I don't like her going back out there exhausted and unfocused."

"She's going to be just fine." Stewart assured his daughter. "She's coming home in six hours anyway so don't worry."

Stef was back now with three of the four kids in tow and no mother. "Can't get mom or Mariana to stick to a schedule ever." She grumbled.

The family sat down to breakfast and began to dig in and five minutes later Stef went back to the stairs and yelled for her mother and Mariana. She waited at the stairs until both came downstairs.

"No need to yell Stefanie, I can hear just fine, I'm not that old." Sharon said making Jude laugh so hard his juice came out his nose.

"Mom." Stef said annoyed as she helped Jude wipe up.

But that just made the rest of the family laugh harder.

"Aahh." Stef groaned as she got up and headed back upstairs to get her mother's suitcase to put into the car.

* * *

"I'll be home by two." Stef said to Lena before leaving. She had pulled Lena aside to talk to her for a minute and try and help her calm down.

"I'll be ready." Lena said.

"Good." Stef answered. "I'll change quickly and then we'll need to leave. Your appointment is at two-thirty."

"I know." Lena said, still looking worried.

"You're not alone here." Stef reminded Lena.

"I know." Lena said, giving her a small smile. "It's just, no one makes me feel as safe as you do." She said honestly.

"Honey, you're safe here." Stef said. "You're at home and no one is going to hurt you."

"What about you?" Lena asked.

"What about me?" Stef asked back, wondering what her wife was talking about.

"You're going to work the streets again and you're exhausted and worried about me, I can see it Stef." Lena said.

Stef laughed slightly. "You make me sound like a hooker Lena." She said.

But Lena wasn't amused. "You were shot once because you were distracted." Lena reminded her.

"I'll be careful I promise." Stef said gently as she pulled Lena into a hug before leaving.

* * *

Dana and Stewart had spent the morning trying to distract Lena from her worries but without much success. Stef had suggested organizing some of their old photographs into albums - something Lena had been planning to do for over a year now but never got around to. 'Those pictures always make her smile.' Stef had said. But when Dana and Stewart had hauled out the box from the top of their closet Lena had gotten upset.

"I'm not really in the mood for spring cleaning." She snapped at her parents, glancing at the clock constantly.

Dana, who normally would have gotten upset at the way Lena spoke, let it slide and instead instructed Stewart to put the box back.

"How about we watch a movie?" Dana suggested. "_Sister Act_, you always loved that one."

"No thanks mom." Lena said through gritted teeth.

"Well what would you like to do?" Dana asked her daughter, hoping that Lena would have something in mind.

"Call Stef." Lena said as she grabbed her phone and called Stef for what must have been the dozenth time in the two hours since she'd been gone.

Stef, ever faithful, had answered every one of Lena's calls and assured her each time that she was fine and that she'd see her in just a little while. Luckily she was working with Mike who understood. It was a rare day that Mike was behind the wheel but they both knew that Stef was rather distracted today.

"How is she doing?" He asked when Stef hung up.

"Not well obviously." Stef answered. "Hopefully things will start getting better after her appointment today."

"I don't think it'll be that easy." Mike said.

"No, but maybe we'll get some ideas of how to handle it all." Stef said looking worried.

"Hey you know you can talk to me right." Mike said kindly to his partner.

"I know Mike, thanks." Stef said smiling back.

"Well?" Mike said, clearly expecting her to go on.

"I'm just worried, that's all." She said.

"About Lena?" He clarified.

"Among other things." Stef said.

Mike remained silent and Stef knew he was waiting for her to explain.

"Right now Dana and Stewart are here to help out and my mom's been great at dealing with the kids but now she's gone and they'll be leaving tomorrow night and the kids will go to school and I'll go to work and I worry about what will happen to Lena when she's home alone." Stef explained.

"You're neighborhood is pretty safe Stef." Mike reminded her.

"That's not what I'm worried about." Stef said. "I'm worried about Lena, she's so freaked out already and by Friday she'll be alone. I also worry about the kids. Right now they are fine but I'm afraid that if Lena starts to get too paranoid then she'll pass it on to them too."

"Maybe you should bring this up with her therapist, even if she doesn't" Mike suggested.

"I plan to do that. I need all the help I can get." Stef said, looking defeated. "I'm just not sure how well Lena is going to take to all that either."

"Give her some time to adjust." Mike suggested. "And in the meantime I'm still here if you need me. I can take the kids for an evening or distract them if you two need some time."

"Thanks Mike." Stef said, reaching out her hand to grab his.


	20. Chapter 20

Lena had been on edge all morning and afternoon, constantly glancing at the clock and calling or texting Stef through the day and only really allowed herself to relax when she heard Stef's car pull up in the drive way ten minutes before two.

"Hi love," Stef said, as Lena walked out to the porch to meet her.

Lena silently wrapped herself around Stef and held on and Stef once again felt the worry creep back - what was going to happen once Lena's parents were gone?

"Let me just go get changed and we can leave." Stef said, pulling away from Lena. "Could you maybe make me a sandwich to go, I didn't have a chance for lunch." Stef requested, actually looking for a moment to speak with Dana alone.

"Okay." Lena said heading into the kitchen.

Stef went upstairs and found Dana folding laundry.

"You're home?" Dana said smiling, "I'll let you change." She said, grabbing the basket to head into another room to fold.

"No, I actually wanted to talk to you." Stef stopped her. "She hasn't been okay has she?"

"She's been agitated." Dana answered honestly. "You know how often she's called you. I tried to stop her at first but it was no use. She just stared out the window, at the clock or at her phone."

"I'm going to discuss this with the therapist today." Stef informed Dana.

"That might be a good idea." Dana said.

"Do you think i should take a little more time off?" Stef asked for advice.

"Today was just the first day honey." Dana said kindly, "Let's see how tomorrow goes, and then maybe even Friday. Saturday the kids will be home with her and Sunday is your day off. You can take a call after that. Really only Friday is a day to worry and you can keep calling her."

"You're right." Stef said. "I just don't want her to be afraid."

* * *

Forty minutes later Stef and Lena walked into Lena's appointment. Lena was nervous but had been informed several times that Dr. Bennett was one of the best in her field. Paige Bennett was a rather young woman but she had the type of personality that really made other's feel comfortable around her and within five minutes of sitting with her Stef knew she was the right choice.

"So Lena, can you tell me in your own words what has happened, right from the time that you left your house on Wednesday night." Paige asked.

Stef listened at Lena relayed the events of that night starting with her phone call from Jenna and ending with the ride to the hospital. For the first time Stef realized just how much of an impact it had been for Lena to hear her voice after the incident and Stef had to hold back tears as she watched Lena's pour freely from her eyes.

"At first I thought I was imagining it." Lena admitted, wiping her cheeks dry. "But then I heard someone else say her name and eventually she was there in front of me saying my name." Lena looked at Stef as she took her hand. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there." Lena said.

"Honey, I'm just sorry I wasn't there sooner." Stef said as she finally let her own tears spill over.

"So clearly you are both holding some guilt." Paige observed. "Lena, you feel like this was partly your fault for being out, alone that night without anyone knowing where you were, is that right?"

Lena nodded. "I would have been upset if Stef or any of my kids had done something like that." She clarified.

"Okay, and Stef you feel like you should have been able to stop it from happening." Paige said.

"We were just two blocks away." Stef said, still not really believing it herself. "We were driving around looking for things like this. That neighborhood has a lot of bars and these things have been known to happen."

"But you both know logically that it's neither's fault?" Paige clarified.

Both women looked at each other for a moment before nodding.

"Good, the guilt is natural and it will pass. We'll discuss this again next week to see how far we've progressed but for now I'd like to move on to everything since then." Paige said.

Lena continued to relate her tale from her time in the hospital right up to the time Stef came home to pick her up an hour ago, leaving out some of the more important stuff, Stef noticed, though she wasn't sure if Lena did it deliberately or just didn't realize just how much she had changed.

"Five kids?" Paige said, her eyes going a little wide.

Stef laughed. "It's sounds crazy, I admit but we wouldn't trade them for the world." She said.

"I bet you won't." Paige smiled back. It was clear how much their family meant to both women.

"And how have you been feeling Lena?" Paige asked, turning her attention back to the matter at hand.

"I'm doing okay." Lena said and Stef gave her a worried look that didn't go unnoticed by Paige.

"Any changes in behavior, nightmares, trouble sleeping, fears?" Paige asked.

"I prefer to sleep with the light on." Lena admitted. "But I haven't had a nightmare since Friday.

"That's good." Paige smiled. "When you say you prefer the light on do you mean that you could still sleep with it off?" She questioned.

Lena looked over at Stef, she knew she couldn't lie because Stef would instantly correct her but she didn't want to admit that she needed that light on.

"Probably not, I guess." Lena answered.

"Okay." Paige said with absolutely no judgement in her voice. "Can you tell me some other things that have made you feel safe since this happened."

"I prefer my family to be inside the house with me." Lena said. "I don't like that the kids are going to and from school on their own. And today Stef went back to work."

"How did that make you feel?" Paige asked.

"I wish she was home." Lena answered.

"Is that it?" Paige said, looking to Stef for confirmation.

Stef shook her head but Lena didn't continue.

"She called me every twenty minutes or so to find out if I was okay." Stef clarified. "And her mother said that she did nothing but stare at the clock and out the window the whole time. Nothing seemed to distract her."

"So Lena, it sounds like Stef makes you feel safe?" Paige observed.

Lena gave her a small nod as she grabbed Stef's hand.

"That's a good thing." Paige said. "It's really good that you feel completely comfortable around someone and the fact that it is someone who lives with you is even better. There is nothing to be ashamed of, every woman feels like they need someone around, you aren't alone in that." Paige assured her.

She gave Lena a moment to accept that before continuing.

"Is there anything more that Stef could do to make you feel safer?" Paige asked.

"I just like her to be around." Lena admitted.

"How did you feel when she was out this morning?" Paige asked.

"I was worried." Lena finally admitted.

"For her or for you?" Paige asked.

"Both, I guess." Lena said. "She has a dangerous job and something bad could happen at anytime and right now I really need her to come home."

"Stef, what do you have to say about that?" Paige asked.

"Well I know she worries about my job." She said. "She's always worried, especially after I got shot once but even though I can still take a few more days off I have to go back at some point."

"Lena?" Paige said, giving her a chance to respond.

"I know you need to go back, I just worry." Lena said.

"I know babe." Stef said. "I'm careful, you know that. I wouldn't do anything that would keep me from coming home to you and our babies."

"I know." Lena said. "But things still happen."

"Things can happen anywhere Lena." Paige reminded her.

Lena nodded. She knew that, she just wished she could wrap her whole family in bubble and keep them with her all the time.

"Speaking of your kids, how are they doing?" Paige asked.

This time Lena had no answer, she really had no idea what was going on with her kids. She had been so preoccupied lately that once the kids were out of sight they had been pretty much out of her mind as well.

"There're doing okay so far." Stef said. "They are a little worried but their grandparents have been down so they haven't been lacking in attention."

"That's good." Paige said. "Has there been any change in their behavior with Lena or Lena with them?"

"They worry about her and they're trying to be supportive but they aren't really sure what to do." Stef answered.

Paige nodded in understanding.

"Accept Callie." Stef continued. "She's really been a great help, unfortunately she's understands what Lena's going through."

"So you've been through all this before?" Paige said in surprise.

"Not us." Stef clarified. "Callie was raped two years ago by a foster brother, before she came to live with us."

"I see." Paige said sympathetically. It amazed her how much this family seemed to have been through.

"I know the kids are worried and I worry about them too." Lena said. "Four out of five of them have been abandoned, left to survive on their own and learnt to distrust the world. We tried to provide a good home for them, a place where they can feel comfortable and safe but now even that doesn't seem so safe anymore."

"Have you been honest with them?" Paige asked.

"For the most part." Stef answered. "They don't know all the details but they know she was attacked and hurt."

"What about the rest of it." Paige questioned. "The feelings, fears, changes."

"Not really." Stef said. "My mom and ex-husband have been keeping them busy lately and we've tried to keep things as normal for them as possible."

"Well I think that it would be good for both of you to sit down with them and talk things through." Paige said. "Tell them how you're feeling, let them know how things are different so that they can understand it. It will help you as well as show them that they do not need to hide their feelings. Your kids are going through all this too and Callie may be helpful right now but she's still a child and we don't want her fears coming back either."

"I don't want them to know I'm afraid." Lena said.

"They already know that." Paige stated. "You need to help them understand that it's okay to be afraid and that there are people who love them, that they can go to with their fears. The best way to teach them that is by example." Paige said. "And if any of them are showing fears greater than you can handle, please feel free to bring them here as well. Especially Callie, she may not be willing to show how afraid she is. Just because she's dealt with it before doesn't mean she's capable of dealing with the emotions."

"She's actually never dealt with it." Stef said sadly. "She was removed from that home on the grounds of being a problem child and no one supported her side of it. We were the first people she told."

"Has she spoken to anyone since?" Paige asked.

"She has a therapist, but it's a foster kids group so she does't share much. She's not one to share easily by nature." Stef answered.

"Well, if you need to, I'd be happy to see her." Paige said.

"Actually I spoke to her about that and she wasn't really up to it." Stef said. "I was planning on bringing it up a little later again, once she sees how Lena is handling it all." Stef said, hoping that that statement would help Lena to open up as well.

"Alright, we'll see how it goes." Paige smiled. "Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?"

"What do I do in the mean time?" Lena asked. "To stop the panicking."

"You do whatever makes you feel safe." Paige answered. "If calling Stef is helping then do that while she's at work. Keep yourself busy and most importantly don't suppress your feelings. Let it all out, you'll be amazed at how much that helps." Paige said. "Anything else?" She asked.

"Lena hasn't really been eating well." Stef said. "She's finding it hard and Callie did mention that she went through something similar, finding it difficult to put anything 'insider her' as she put it."

"Has the eating improved since that day?" Paige asked.

"Yes." Stef said. "She eats, just not a lot and she prefers it when people aren't around."

"Then let's not worry just yet." Paige said. "It's not uncommon for women to go through that and as long as she's eating then it's okay. Get plenty of fluids though." Paige added to Lena.

"Thank you so much doctor." Stef said, shaking Paige's hand. "You've really be a great help."

"Yes, thank you." Lena said, shaking her hand as well.

"My pleasure." Paige said. "See you next week."

* * *

"Are you okay?" Stef asked as they left the doctor's office.

Lena nodded. She hadn't really wanted to share that much but she felt comfortable with Paige and she knew that Stef wanted to help her. Her only real fear now was sharing with her kids. They had all been though so much themselves and she didn't want to add to it.

"They're strong." Stef said, as though reading Lena's thoughts. She knew if there was one thing that Lena would focus on it was their kids. "And we're there for them. They need to know that it's okay to be afraid and to talk about it. We don't want them to think that they can't come to us do we?" Stef asked.

Lena shook her head. That was the last thing she wanted.

"Okay then, we show them how it's done." She said as she grabbed Lena's hand and entwined their fingers together as they made their way back to the car together.


	21. Chapter 21

When Stef and Lena got back home they found it in chaos - The twins were fighting, Jude apparently was crying in the back yard because Callie had yelled at him for something and Brandon was in the living room watching T.V. way too loud. Dana wasn't around and Stef instantly looked to her father-in-law for an explanation but he just shrugged.

"I tried to get them to stop but they just won't." Stewart said in an apologetic tone.

Stef looked around the room at her bickering teens and realized that they weren't aware that their mom's were back home.

"ENOUGH!" Stef said firmly and instantly all the noise stopped. Jesus and Mariana looked over at their moms just as Callie came down the stairs, nail polish remover and cotton pads in her hands and the T.V. went silent.

"What is going on here?" Stef asked her three children when the noise had died down.

"Jesus left his skateboard at the bottom of the stairs and I nearly fell and broke my neck." Mariana said.

"God, you're such a little tattletale." Jesus said. "Besides if you took your nose out of your phone as you walked you would have seen it."

"And my favorite bottle of nail polish broke when I tried to save my life." Mariana added, ignoring her brother's last comment.

"And a drama queen." Jesus replied.

"Enough." Stef repeated and once again there was silence in the room. Stef looked over at Lena and found her staring in silence. It had been an emotional day for her so far and she really wasn't up for dealing with any of this right now, especially knowing that they were going to have a difficult talk with the kids in just a little while.

"Why don't you go on up and relax for a bit while I sort this out down here." Stef suggested to Lena who gratefully took the offer and headed upstairs leaving behind four very apologetic looking teens.

"Alright, everyone in the kitchen NOW." Stef said and waited until all four kids and Stewart were headed that way.

Once the kids were all seated Stef started with the oldest.

"B, are you trying to entertain the entire neighborhood with our T.V.?" She asked him.

"Sorry, but I couldn't hear anything over those two bickering." Brandon said, pointing to the twins.

"Which brings me back to you." Stef said, turning her attention to her twins. "Jesus, you know your skateboard is not to be left lying around."

"Sorry." Jesus said, "I was just running in for a glass of water and coming right back out."

"That's not an excuse." Stef said. "It was long enough for someone to trip over it."

"She's fine." Jesus said. "All that's damaged is a bottle of nail polish."

"That's not the point." Stef said. "Someone could have had it worse."

"Sorry." Jesus said.

"And you," Stef said, turning to Mariana. "You're on your phone all day long, and your brother is right - you need to watch where you're going please."

"Fine." Mariana said grumpily.

"Alright. You three may go, but stay quiet please." Stef said and waited for them to disappear before she turned to Callie. "Want to tell me why your brother is outside crying?" Stef asked her.

Callie didn't respond and so Stef turned to Stewart.

"I've been trying to get that answer myself." Stewart said, giving Stef a clueless look.

"Where is Dana?" Stef asked.

"She went out to get some fixings for dinner." Stewart said.

Stef shook her head in frustration as she turned back to Callie. "I'm going to go and talk to Jude in a minute so this is your last chance to give me an answer." Stef said firmly.

"I did it for his own good." Callie snapped before getting up and disappearing out of the kitchen.

Before Stef could follow her she was bounding up the stairs and soon Stef heard the bedroom door slam and so Stef decided to give her some time to cool off and headed outside to her youngest son.

"Hey bud." Stef said as she took a seat under the giant tree that Jude was in. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Jude said, wiping his eyes.

"Can you come down please so we can talk." Stef said, knowing that of all the kids he was the only one that responded without her having to yell.

Jude carefully climbed down and sat beside Stef.

"What happened baby?" Stef asked as she put an arm around him. He was a rather quiet child and Stef knew that he took things to heart. It had taken her and Lena months to get Callie to loosen up on him a bit but it looked like today things had slipped.

"It's my fault really." Jude said in a small voice. "I asked Mariana to paint my nails and Callie got mad."

"We talked about that yes?" Stef asked gently. "We talked about how it was safe to be who you are in this house."

"Yes, but Callie was right. I shouldn't wear nail polish." Jude said. "I'm going to go take it off." He got up and left leaving Stef to figure out this new battle with Callie.

* * *

"Do you want to tell me why your brother thinks it's wrong for him to wear nail polish again?" Stef asked as she entered the girls' room without knocking.

Callie was lying in bed on her stomach writing fervently in a notebook which she closed the moment she heard Stef enter.

"It's just wrong." Callie answered in a defiant tone.

"We talked about this Callie." Stef said, repeating the words she had just used with Jude. "For starters it's not for you to decide what Jude can and cannot do and second in this house we do not judge people for the things that they like. We accept them for who they are. Everyone is safe in this house."

"Safe?" Callie said, her voice raising. "No one is safe anywhere." She said. "Lena lives in this house but she wasn't safe, she was attacked because she's gay, because she loves a woman instead of a man."

Stef stared at her daughter in shock. She hadn't expected this conversation to take this turn but suddenly she understood where her daughter was coming from.

"Jude got beat up every time he wears nail polish and for years I managed to save him from it by stopping him from wearing it." Callie continued. "And then you guys come in and make him think that it's okay to be different. But it's not okay. It's not, not in the world outside this house and no matter how much you pretend, you're not safe anywhere."

Stef didn't know how to respond. Suddenly she realized just how important it was for them to have their planned conversation with their kids. Obviously they were getting the wrong message and Stef wanted to put a stop to it immediately.

"At what cost Callie?" She asked cautiously. "How do you think Jude feels every time you tell him that he's wrong for being who he is?"

"You don't think I know that?" Callie asked as tears filled her eyes. "You don't think I hate that look he give me each time I throw a bottle of remover and some cotton at him? But I do it to protect him. Just like you guys keep telling us that you do certain things that we don't like to protect us. People who are different don't get the same chances as others." Callie said miserably. "I know that and what happened to Lena should prove that to you too. I was raped because I had a different type of life than most people. Lena was raped for loving you and Jude gets beat up for liking nail polish and girl's clothes. It's not fair but it's life and I've spent mine trying to keep him safe."

Stef had tears in her own eyes too as she waited for Callie to continue. She had never thought about things the way Callie was thinking and she had to admit that there was some truth to her words. Stef wished that Lena was here with her, she would have known exactly what to say to this child to help her understand that while she was right in a way, she was also wrong.

"Sometimes I'm convinced I know more about the real world than you." Callie said after a moment. "I've lived in it and it's not pretty. You think that your dad not accepting you was bad but look at Lena, look at what happens when people who don't know you and don't give a damn about you find out that you're different. They don't just pretend it's all okay, they make sure you realize just how different you are."

"Sweetheart you're not wrong." Stef said as she inched closer to the girl, hoping that she'd let her hold her without pushing her away. "You're not wrong but that also doesn't make it right. The only way to change the world is to change it one person at a time, not forcing people to hide who they really are."

"I can't just watch him get hurt time after time." Callie said miserably. "At first I thought it was okay if he just wore it in the house but then once he's comfortable doing that he wants to wear it to school and one day he'll go out and get a job and wear it there and then what? He won't have his moms or siblings to fight for him. He has to do it himself and most times there isn't just one person picking on you. You can't keep fighting everyone. It's too exhausting."

"We are going to have a family meeting in a while. I'm going to talk to mama and then I'm going to call all of you to our room to talk. In the mean time please go and apologize to your brother. Whether you are right or wrong he's upset that you're angry with him and we both know just how important you are to him so please just go and apologize and don't say anything further about this to him. Just let it go for now." Stef said gently. She had no idea how to continue this conversation and she wanted to discuss a plan with Lena.


	22. Chapter 22

Stef stood outside her bedroom door wondering what she was going to tell her wife. Lena was already completely on edge but Stef just didn't know how to handle this all on her own. She needed Lena but honestly she was afraid that Lena would begin to see things the way that Callie was seeing them right now and that was just not acceptable.

Callie's words were still playing through Stef's mind and she couldn't stop them. There was so much truth to them that it scared Stef. She was so worried about how they were going to help the children understand when she herself couldn't.

"Lena, we need to talk." Stef said when she finally mustered up the courage to enter the room.

"What happened?" Lena asked sitting up at the worried look on Stef's face.

"Honey, I know that you're struggling right now." Stef said, admitting Lena's difficulties for the first time. "But I'm sorry, I can't handle this on my own and honestly, I don't want to. I know that you're uncomfortable talking to the kids about all this but I really think it needs to be done. Paige was right, they aren't sharing with us and it's coming out all wrong."

"What happened Stef?" Lena asked again, more firmly this time.

Stef sucked in a breath as she prepared herself to relate her conversation with Lena. This was it - either Lena was with her or she was headed down a road trying to convince one more person that she was safe.

"Callie told Jude he wasn't to wear nailpolish any more." Stef said, starting with the easiest part of the conversation.

"Why?" Lena asked looking surprised.

"She believes that he won't be safe." Stef answered, taking a seat next to Lena so she could take her hands. "She says that what happened to you is proof that it isn't safe to be different and she doesn't want Jude to have to go through that."

Stef searched Lena's eyes for any sign of what she was thinking but she couldn't read anything behind the wide eyes.

"Sweetheart I know that you aren't feeling so safe yourself right now but I need you to help me figure this out. I'm really worried about the kids. I'm not sure what the other's are thinking but this is obviously what Callie is thinking and she's passing it on to Jude and we need to put a stop to it now."

"No, you're right." Lena said, finally coming out of her shock.

Stef let out a huge sigh of relief. "You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that." She said, her posture finally relaxing.

"Why?" Lena asked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Stef looked at Lena, studying her. She had underestimated her. Of course Lena would do whatever she needed to to help her children, regardless of what she was feeling. Stef now felt silly for worrying about it so much. They always worked together to help the kids and this was going to be no different.

"I kinda freaked out." Stef said sheepishly. "I was worried that you wouldn't be able to help me."

"Stef." Lena said giving her a questioning look. "I know I've been a bit on edge lately but I definately don't want to pass that on to the kids. Of course we'll talk to them and I'll share with them whatever I need to to help them understand. I want them to feel safe too and I want them to share what they're feeling. None of us can bottle it all up inside, I get that."

Lena waited a moment, studying Stef's face before she continued.

"That includes you, you know." Lena said softly as Stef's gaze met her own. "You have to share too. You don't need to be the strong one all the time. I know you want to protect us and support us but I want that too, I want to be able to support my wife and hold her when she's struggling and promise her that everything is going to be okay, and you're not being fair when you don't give me that chance."

Stef was looking at Lena with so much love it looked like she was about to cry.

"Come here." Lena said, leaning back against the headboard and opening up her arms to Stef.

Stef moved closer to Lena and lay beside her allowing Lena to wrap her arms around her. Suddenly everything wasn't so overwhelming and their goal didn't seem so far out of reach. With Lena by her side there wasn't anything Stef couldn't do.

* * *

The two of them stayed together in each others arms for a while longer, enjoying the closeness and security that came with it. Neither spoke, there was no need for any words. Both of them were on the same page both felt a relief in knowing that fact.

Stef and Lena finally made their way downstairs and called all the kids to the living room for a chat. Stewart and Dana had excused themselves to go do a little shopping before they had to leave the next day, giving the family a little privacy to have their talk.

"So mama and I have realized that we haven't really talked to you about what happened." Stef began. "Honestly we wanted to protect you but I think that was the wrong decision. We should have talked to you and we want you to know that you are always free to come and talk to us, about anything."

Three faces looked back at her, a mixture of surprise and confusion on their faces while the other two avoided eye contact all together.

"You all know what exactly happened that night." Lena took over, deciding that she needed to be the one to share first. "And you all have noticed that I haven't been myself and mom has assured you that I'll be my old self soon. But the truth is that I'm scared." Lena said seriously.

Suddenly all five eyes were on her, waiting for her to continue. It wasn't easy admitting to your children that you were afraid of something. How were you supposed to calm their fears if they knew that you were just as afraid as them?

"What happened was horrible and scary and I can't stop thinking about it." Lena forced herself to continue. "Now I know that you are all afraid as well and probably think about it each time you look at me or I do something that I wouldn't normally do but babies, you need to talk about it. You need to share what we are feeling."

"And that includes mama and I." Stef added. "We all need to stop hiding from each other, thinking that we're protecting each other. All we're really doing in moving farther away from each other and that's not something any of us wants yes?"

"So we're going to talk and we're going to share everything we're feeling, we're not going to hide anything." Lena continued. "You do not have to be ashamed or afraid or nervous to say anything."

"The only rule is that we respect each other and each other's feelings and we don't put anyone else down while we talk." Stef added, mostly for Callie's benefit.

"So like I was saying, I'm scared." Lena said. "I've been afraid of being alone and I've been afraid when any one of you leaves the house. I was especially afraid when mom went to work today. And it's okay to be afraid. It's okay to want to have the people you love close to you. When I went out that night I had no reason to believe that I wouldn't be safe and by the end of the night I couldn't even last ten minutes alone when mom came out to talk to you. I needed her with me and I've needed her with me since then."

Lena could see her kids faces getting smaller as they began to realize just how afraid she really was. She could see the connection as they began to relate their own fears to hers.

"But I realized something." She continued. "I didn't know I was doing it but each time I asked mom to stay with me or hold me or leave the bathroom light on at night so that it wasn't so dark I was actually asking for help. I was sharing my fears with someone who did whatever they could to help make me feel better. And she did, each and every time mom was there for me and reminded me that I wasn't alone and that I was safe."

Stef watched Lena as she shared her fears with her children. She could see glimpses of the old Lena back and though she knew that they were far from being fine, they were getting there, one step at a time.

"Mom's been keeping stuff inside too but she's also promised to be more open and ask for help." Lena finished, giving Stef a chance to share.

"This hasn't been easy for me either." Stef confirmed. "I felt like I should have been able to protect mama from this. I should have been able to keep her safe. I know that this is not my fault and there wasn't anything I could really do but that didn't stop the feeling. Mama helped me realize that just because I'm a cop or I try to be there for everyone doesn't mean that it's my fault when things go wrong. The most that any of us can do is do the best we can. What we can do is love each other, support each other, encourage each other and help whenever we can."

Stef reached across for Lena's hand and held on tight before she continued.

"Mama was afraid to talk to you kids and let you know how she was really feeling. She didn't want to put that burden onto you. But she found the strength in something that was important to her. She realized that she wanted to be there for you and help you understand your own feelings and fears and that helped her work through her own. It's not all fixed yet, mama is still adjusting just like we all are but the important thing is that she's working on it and doing whatever she can to get there and we have to do the same."

"We don't want you to feel like you can't come to us." Lena added. "I don't want you to feel like you have to keep your feelings from me because you might upset me. I want to know everything and while I may not always be able to help you or fix it I can be there for you and we can work on it together."

"Tell us what you're thinking babies." Stef said, looking to her children. "Whatever it is, let us in."

"I just want to beat the crap out of those assholes." Jesus finally said, his hands forming into fists in anger.

Neither Stef nor Lena objected to his language. He was angry and he had a right to be. This was his way of expressing it and as long as he wasn't hurting anyone then they were okay with it.

"They deserve to be punished." Jesus continued.

"They are in jail." Stef reminded him. "They can't hurt anyone else."

"That's not good enough." Jesus said, still fuming. "They should be tortured. They should be hung by their balls."

Lena cringed at her son's words but Stef remained steady.

"I felt like that too baby." Stef told him. "I was so angry with them. When I found mama I was about ready to turn around and beat the crap out of them too. But that would have made me no better than them." She said. "In society there are ways of punishment, we can't just take the law into our own hands. I know that sometimes it doesn't seem fair and we don't always get what we deserve and they don't get the punishment they deserve," Stef said, glancing at Callie, thinking about her failed trial against Liam. "But even then we do the best we can and we be completely honest. That way we can at least live with ourselves. Those people who hurt us are the ones who have to live with themselves knowing what they did."

"But Jesus is right." Brandon added. "Their punishment is nothing compared to the crime. You go to jail for robbing a bank, raping someone, killing someone. That's like saying stealing a few thousand bucks is worth the same as someones life or someones security and comfort."

"The system isn't perfect B." Stef said. "And there are a lot of loopholes, that's true but generally people do get what's coming to them. One way or another they get it. It isn't easy but that's what it is."

"They are in jail for attacking mom one night." Brandon argued. "What about the rest?" He questioned.

"The rest of what?" Stef asked.

"All this." Brandon said, pointing to the group. "What about the fact that he robbed this family of their safety? What about all the following nights that mom's been scared and can't sleep? What about the fact that she has children who are now afraid? A family who is hurting because she is? That's all on them too. Don't they get punished for that?"

Stef had no answer and Brandon wasn't really expecting one. He was absolutely right but there was just no way to measure every crime against all the effects. The only thing that was important now was for the family to get through this and move on. They had to find a way to return to a normal life and they all knew that they would, it would just take time.

"What about you Miss. Thing?" Stef said, turning her attention to her youngest daughter.

Mariana shrugged. "I guess I'm scared too." She said softly. "I wouldn't even wanna walk home from school alone right now."

"That's okay." Lena assured her. "This is still all new and we're all still processing it but it will pass and in the mean time you come to us when you're feeling scared. Even if you're just in your own room and need someone with you, you just come."

"Jude?" Stef said looking at her youngest son. He was sitting exceptionally close to Callie so obviously they had made up. Stef could understand that Callie was trying to protect him and would never do anything to intentionally hurt him but she was still a child herself and most of her experiences in her short life were bad ones so she tended to be more of a pessimist. It had been hard getting both children to trust her and Lena instead of only depending on each other and now it seemed that whatever progress they had made had been erased, at least slightly.

Jude remained silent as Callie wrapped an arm around him.

Stef moved over to sit beside him on the arm of his chair and turned his face to look at her. "Baby, don't be afraid to tell us what you're feeling.

"I'm different too." He said as tears filled his eyes. "I like nail polish and kids at school tease me all the time because of it. Callie got sent to juvie because I wore a dress."

"Bad things happen to everyone and there is no way to stop it." Callie said bitterly before Stef could respond to Jude.

Both kids were clearly shaken up by Callie's argument and Stef began to realize that this was Callie's way of dealing with what had happened to her. She had obviously never dealt with her feelings after being raped and when she did finally tell them everything it was only to protect Sarah. But now it had hit too close to home and Callie was being forced to confront her own demons. Stef decided that now was the time to push Callie into therapy, whether she wanted it or not.

Stef knew that she had to deal with Callie and Jude's issues separately but for now she'd continue to address the group as a while.

"Yes, bad things do happen often and they can happen anywhere and to anyone." Stef confirmed, not wanting to sugarcoat anything. "But there are some precautions we can take. They aren't foolproof but they can be helpful." Stef began to list all the ways to prevent getting into dangerous situations. "For one, always let us know where you're going to be, with whom and when you'll be back. We ask you these questions each time you leave the house and we ask them for a reason. Even if you think you're going to be in trouble, it's safer to come and let us know than to deal with things on your own." Once again Stef was thinking of Callie. Her and Brandon had gone to Tijuana all on their own and gotten themselves into a pretty bad situation. "Always take your phone and have some cash handy just in case you need to find your own way home. Avoid places where you know things could happen. Don't wander alone at night, especially in places you don't know. Avoid talking to people you don't know. Be aware of your surroundings, don't drink or do drugs - that could hamper your judgement. Be very careful of what you drink outside, there are drugs that people put into drinks that make you fall asleep and when you wake up you have absolutely no memory of what happened."

The kids sat listening to Stef intently. Most of this they already knew but often it was easy to forget when you were having fun. As teenagers they were all looking for some freedom to make their own decisions and explore the world on their own and just like Stef said, they groaned each time their mom's questioned their plans and whereabouts. But after what had happened it was nice to be able to count all the ways to stay safe. Suddenly all their fun and exploring didn't seem as exciting anymore.

"Be honest." Stef continued. "No one can help you if we don't know where you are. Sometimes we may say no to you going somewhere but it's for your own safety. Even if you do get into a bad situation it's better to call us. We may get mad at you and you may have consequences but it's still better than trying to fix it on your own."

"These are things that we can do." Stef said. "But at the same time we can't stop being ourselves. We have to be true to ourselves and in this house we have to remember to love everyone for who they are. If you can't be free to be you in your own house then none of this is of any use."

"We all remember the feeling from when mom got shot?" Lena reminded them. "We were afraid when she had to go back to work, but we got through it and now most days no one even thinks of that. Mom has learned to be more careful and she doesn't rush into situations when she's emotional. Life goes on, and it will go on for us as well. But we can't be afraid to be ourselves."

"We love you so much and we want you all to be safe." Lena added. "As your mom I never want something like this to ever happen to you. No amount of anger from us is worth any of this. We're here to help you, all you need to do is come to us."

They were all quiet for a few minutes as it all sunk in and then finally Stef nodded. "I think that's good for now." She said. "We'll talk again tomorrow but in the mean time if any of you have anything you want to talk about we're here, whatever time, whatever day, just come find us." She reminded them.

"Why don't you go get started on your homework." Lena suggested, knowing that the kids needed a little time to themselves to process and to figure out what they were feeling.

"Callie, could you wait please." Stef said as the kids began to leave the living room.

"We'd like to talk to you." Lena added.


	23. Chapter 23

The moment Callie stopped walking Jude did to. Both of them looking at their moms, wondering what was to come.

"Go on up sweets." Stef encouraged Jude. "We just want to talk to Callie for a minute. We'll be up to talk to you too in a while."

Jude looked skeptically at Callie for a moment before walking up the stairs to join the rest of his siblings.

"Have a seat honey." Lena said, patting the couch beside her.

Callie reluctantly took the seat that Lena offered and waited while Stef moved from the arm of the chair across from them to sit on the other side of Callie.

"Honey, you're not in trouble." Stef said gently, recognizing the look on Callie's face. "We just want to talk to you. We want to help you deal with what you're feeling."

"I'm not feeling anything." Callie said, trying to keep her voice neutral.

"Honey, don't shut us out." Lena said softly. "Let us help you. I know you're so used to being on your own and this is something big and you're not sure how to deal with it. I get that, but we're not going to hurt you."

"Sweetheart, we want you to understand that what happened to mama was bad, it was very bad but honey, it was a fluke - mama was just at the wrong place at the wrong time." Stef tried to explain. "They weren't going after mama personally. It could have been anyone."

"But if she hadn't come out of that bar then they wouldn't have gone after her at all." Callie argued.

"We don't know that baby." Stef said. "We don't know what they were thinking."

"Even then, why take that risk?" Callie asked.

"Because, we can't live our life in fear." Stef answered. "We can't stop being ourselves and avoid living because something bad _might_ happen."

"But something bad _will_ happen." Callie argued again. "If he goes on like this then at some point, somewhere, someone will hurt him."

"Sweetheart someone will hurt him anyway." Stef answered. "Everyone gets hurt, we can't avoid that. Honey, I know you want to protect Jude, you've done it your whole life and you've done a fantastic job of it too. But baby this isn't the way. He is who he is and sooner or later it's going to come out whether you like it or not. Look at me, my dad tried so hard to change me but he couldn't."

"Honey, you are so important to him." Lena took over. "He needs you to support him and accept him for who he is. It's not easy being different, but we're the ones that have to help him through it, not make him feel ashamed of who he is. It's okay to be afraid, to worry, to look out for him but it's not okay to force him to be something he's not."

"What about when we're not around?" Callie asked.

"We hope that by that time we've given him enough confidence to be who he is in public." Stef answered. "It took me a while to be comfortable." Stef explained. "Even after Lena and I got together I wouldn't touch her or hold her hand or anything if we were outside. I was afraid of what people would think but eventually I found the courage to be myself and expected the people around me to understand. For the most part we still avoid showing affection if we're out in a different area or around people we don't know but that's rare."

"That's what mama said to Jude the last time I stopped him from wearing nail polish." Callie thought back.

"It's still true." Lena answered. "We take precautions but it doesn't stop us completely."

"Sweetheart, we're not sure what Jude is exactly. He may grow out of this or it may get stronger, we just don't know." Stef continued. "But either way he needs to feel loved by his family regardless. He needs to know that someones always going to be in his corner."

"I'll always be there." Callie defended herself as her eyes filled with tears. "I just don't want him to get hurt."

"I know that baby and I understand that." Stef assured her. "But honey even the best of intentions sometimes go wrong and you don't want it to drive a wedge between the two of you. Trust me it happens. My dad never stopped loving me and I never stopped loving him but the communication shopped, he missed out on a better part of ten years of my life with Lena because he tried to change who I was. I asked him not to come to my wedding and the last time I spoke to him I couldn't forgive him enough to accept his gift."

Lena watched as Stef's eyes filled with tears as well. The fact that Stef had never managed to patch things up with her dad was something she'd never forgive herself for and she was damed if she'd let that happen to her children.

"Honey you don't want that to happen to you and Jude." Stef said, "I know that. So we need to go up there and we need to assure him that he is loved and wanted and accepted for exactly who he is, just like everyone else in this family."

"We all have our faults baby." Lena said. "We all have something that someone else doesn't like, but being a family means that we overlook those things and continue to love them anyways."

"Do you think you can help Jude?" Stef asked. "Help him see that it's okay for him to be who he is. Teach him how to stay safe, but not at the risk of loosing himself."

"I can do that." Callie said in a small voice, unable to stop the tears that were still flowing.

"I know you can love." Stef said giving Callie a hug and a kiss.

"You've been so strong through all of this Callie." Lena said. "You've understood so much about what I'm feeling and you've helped mom understand it too and that meant so much to me. When you gave me your sweater it made me feel so loved and I've worn it almost every night since then. I'll give it back to you soon but right now, it's still helping me sleep."

"No, you can have it." Callie answered. "I don't need it back. I don't wear it anyways and if you love it then it's yours."

"How about we share it?" Lena suggested. "We've shared a horrible experience and now we'll share the comfort.'

Callie smiled and nodded at Lena. "That sounds nice." She said, sinking into Lena's arms.

"Good." Stef said. "Because there's one more thing you're going to share. Callie I know you said you didn't want to but I've realized that you haven't really dealt with what you when through. I'm going to make an appointment for you with Lena's therapist and we're going to help you work through your feelings as well."

Callie's smile instantly left her face and her body went ridged in Lena's arms. "I don't need therapy." She said forcefully.

"Baby it's not an option." Stef said. She didn't want to let another opportunity to get Callie some help pass. This should have happened two years ago right after Liam hurt her but it was neglected and now it those feelings were resurfacing, Stef was going to force her to deal with it.

"It's not as bad as you think Callie." Lena said gently, holding Callie tighter, trying to make her relax again. "Paige is really good and she's so friendly you don't even realize she's a doctor."

"Will I have to take pills and stuff?" Callie asked cautiously.

"Of course not." Stef and Lena said together.

"She's just there to listen to you and help you figure out ways to understand and express your feelings." Stef explained.

"Sometimes it's easier talking to someone who isn't close to you." Lena added. "And we'll be there with you if you want. You don't have to do it alone."

"Okay." Callie finally said. "I'll try it out, but you'll definitely come with me?" She asked, looking more like a ten year old rather than the sixteen year old that she was.

"We're dealing with this together remember." Lena said, intertwining her fingers with Callie's.

Stef watched the two for a moment, glad that they were both there to help each other. Callie was really meant to be a part of their family and she was so glad that she had found her way to them.

"Alright ladies, there's a boy upstairs who could use a little love as well I'm sure." Stef said, standing up and reaching an arm out to each of the other two to help them up. "Shall we?" She asked before leading them upstairs to Jude.


	24. Chapter 24

Jude wasn't one to cry often, in fact in the year that Jude had come to live with them Stef could only remember seeing him cry maybe two or three times, so she hadn't expected to find him lying face down on his bed sobbing into his pillow.

"It's gonna be okay Jude." Jesus was telling his brother as he tried awkwardly to comfort him. "Did something happen? Are you scared because of what moms said?" Jesus tried to figure out why his brother was crying.

"We got it from here baby, thank you." Stef said, patting Jesus' back affectionately.

Jesus gave her a grateful smile before darting out of the room leaving his moms and sister to help Jude.

Stef took the spot that Jesus had just vacated and began to rub Jude's back. "Can you sit up for me baby." She said gently.

After a moment Jude finally turned around, his face red and streaked with tears.

"What's wrong honey?" Lena asked as she took a seat on the other side of Jude.

Callie stood awkwardly in the doorway watching as Stef and Lena tried to help Jude. It had always been her job but lately both the Jacob siblings had found themselves going to their new mom's more and more and suddenly Callie felt like she didn't even know how to help Jude. She had never imagined that her methods of protecting him could possibly cause a rift between them. That was the last thing she wanted so if their method was going to keep them together then she was willing to give it a try.

As Callie watched the moms with Jude she could clearly see that they loved him just as much as she did and they were willing to try something that would make him happy. She was beginning to understand what they meant when they kept telling her to let them be the moms and to let them worry about Jude and herself.

"Are you afraid about what we told you downstairs?" Stef asked, repeating Jesus' question.

Jude shook his head. "Callie was right." He said in a small voice. "I shouldn't do this. Boy's aren't supposed to and I don't want to get beat up again."

"No Jude." Callie suddenly snapped out of her thoughts at his statement and moved closer to the bed. "I was wrong. I never meant to make you feel like what you were doing was bad. I just wanted to protect you but that wasn't the way baby. I love you just the way you are and I'm so, so sorry that I made you feel like you were doing something wrong, I just wanted to keep you safe and this was the only way I knew how."

"You did keep me safe." Jude assured her. "You always kept me safe."

"Sweetheart Callie did keep you safe." Lena said, desperate to assure the girl that her efforts weren't disregarded. "But now you're in a safe home where everyone is free to be themselves so now it's time to loosen the reigns a bit. Remember when I told you that I wouldn't hold Stef's hand when we were out at night or in a different place?" Lena paused waiting for Jude to nod. "Well it's like that, sometimes we do have to be cautious but not always, and definitely not at home. Here we are all free to be ourselves. As long as we aren't hurting anyone else, there's no harm in it."

Jude looked to Callie for her reaction. She had always been against him wearing nail polish and now Lena was telling him everything he wanted to hear but he didn't want to upset his sister.

"Lena's right baby." Callie said when his eyes met hers. "We can't hide who we are just because we're afraid."

"Sweetheart, we love you no matter what and while some people may not understand us - my relationship with mama, your lives in foster care, your love for nail polish, mama's heritage, our family as a whole - doesn't mean that it's wrong." Stef interjected. "Bad things do happen sometimes and some people are always going to say bad things about you but the trick is to remember that there are people who love you and support you so it's not important what those other people say - you're not alone and you'll never be alone."

"None of the other boys wear nail polish." Jude said. "Except Conner, but he only did it for me."

"Then he's a good friend." Lena said. "And that just means that you have one more person in your corner."

"Brandon and Jesus don't wear it." Jude replied.

"They have their own differences honey." Lena explained. "Everyone is unique, everyone has their own strengths and everyone has their own faults. Nobody is perfect. Not mom, not me, not Callie, not you, not anyone. We have to try and make the world a better place by accepting everyone for who they are not judging them or making them feel less than they are. But we can't do that if we hide. You gotta be brave and strong and whenever you feel like you can't you gotta remember that you have people behind you to be brave and strong for you."

"I love you Jude." Callie said, squeezing herself between Stef and Jude to wrap her arms around him. "And I want nothing more than for you to be happy and if wearing nail polish or dresses or make up makes you happy then don't let anyone stop you, and if anyone gives you a hard time about it just tell them that they'll have to face your moms and your four older brothers and sisters."

"That's right." Stef said. "Tell them that I'm a cop and I'll hunt them down and kick their a..."

"STEF!" Lena interrupted her, extracting grins from the two children between them.

"You get the idea." Stef said, in conclusion giving Jude a wink.

"But mom's right." Lena said more seriously. "If anyone does give you a hard time you need to come to us. Let us help you. Don't ever be afraid."

"Okay." Jude said looking down at his fingernails, now messed up after his attempt at removing the polish. "Can someone help me paint them again?" He asked timidly.

"I'd love to Jude." Callie said with a smile. "But if you want them to look better than they do now, I'd suggest going back to Mariana. Painting fingernails isn't really my strong suit but after she's done painting them I'll take pictures of them for you." She grinned.

Jude grinned back. "Can she paint your nails too?" He asked.

"Sure bud." She said, getting off the bed and leading him out leaving the two moms together to watch them go. "You can even pick the color." They heard her say right before the door closed.


	25. Chapter 25

Stef and Lena sat silently in their son's room for a few more minutes before Stef turned to Lena.

"How are you doing love?" Stef asked Lena.

"I'm okay." Lena said.

"Are you sure?" Stef asked, she worried that their conversations would have been too much for Lena.

"No, you were right." Lena said. "I feel better knowing what the kids are thinking."

"And what are you thinking?" Stef asked.

"I'm still scared." Lena admitted. "Callie was still right in her argument - no matter what, bad things happen. I don't know if I could handle it if something like this happened to one of our kids."

"Sweetheart it doesn't happen to everyone." Stef told her. "And we'll teach our kids how to be as safe as possible."

"It's already happened to two people in this house Stef." Lena reminded her.

"Honey, Callie's situation was completely different." Stef said. "Liam wanted to hurt her. It wasn't anything else. For you it was just bad timing, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"But that doesn't change the outcome." Lena said dejectedly.

"No it doesn't" Stef agreed. "But we have to go on and we have to teach our kids to go on."

* * *

By the time Dana and Stewart got back home the kids had finished their homework and Callie, Mariana and Jude helping their mom's with dinner.

"It smells good in here baby." Dana said, coming up to Lena and kissing her cheek.

"Thanks mom." Lena said, sitting on a stool at the table waiting for the oven to go off, indicating that her quiche was ready.

"So where did you guys go?" Mariana asked, eying the numerous bags that her grandfather was carrying.

"Just a little shopping." Dana replied.

"Little?" Stef questioned. "It looks like you bought off the whole mall."

Stewart laughed as he returned to the car to get a second load of shopping bags.

"That's not true." Dana replied with a smirk. "I did leave a few items for the other shoppers."

"How are you guys going to be able to take all this back?" Jude asked, furrowing his brow. "I don't think your suitcases are that big."

Dana laughed as she walked around the table to hug her youngest and newest grandson. "Honey, the shopping wasn't for us." She told him.

"Oh." Jude said, looking even more confused. "Who's it for?"

"My grand babies." Dana replied, placing a kiss on his forehead. "When you get to be my age you prefer shopping for the people you love."

"Oh great." Stef said in mock horror. "More junk to fill up the house that's already busting at the seams."

"Don't be jealous." Dana teased. "We have presents for you two as well."

"Yay." Stef said as she moved over to Lena to hand her some carrots to chop that she was too lazy to chop herself. She gave her a kiss on the cheek as incentive. "Hear that, we get presents."

Lena laughed. She loved it when her normally tough, unyielding wife fooled around. She sometimes felt like she had six kids instead of five.

"Only those who help with dinner get presents." Lena said as she began chopping the carrots.

Stef gave her an evil glare before snatching the knife and carrot out of Lena's hands.

Lena now planted a kiss on Stef's cheek as she laughed, watching her wife dice the carrots quickly.

"Mom I hope you aren't going to spoil the kids too much." Lena said, knowing that it was a futile attempt.

"Define too much." Stewart teased as he loaded the last of the bags in the breakfast nook.

"Oh dear." Lena sighed as she resigned to the fact that her kids were getting spoilt.

"We flew down in such a hurry we didn't have time to bring presents with us." Dana said.

Stef glanced over at Lena and saw her smile fade slightly at the reminder of what her parents were doing her to begin with.

"You already gave us cash." Callie said, speaking up for the first time.

"Yes but presents are always more fun." Dana said, giving the girl a side hug.

"Definitely." Mariana said, grinning away. "And Grams gets the best presents."

* * *

"Wow Dana, you really outdid yourself." Stef said eying all the things littered around the living room floor.

"Really mom, You shouldn't keep spoiling the kids like this." Lena added.

"Nonsense," Dana shushed the women. "We get to see our beautiful grandchild no more than twice a year, I have a lot of spoiling to catch up on."

"Well thank you Dana and Stewart." Stef said, referring to the engraved silver picture frame that held a collage of family pictures.

"Yes mom." Lena said. "Thank you, it's lovely."

"Our pleasure." Dana said as Stewart wrapped his arm around his daughter.

"Thanks Grams." Mariana said. "I've never had a locket before."

"I'm glad you like it honey." Dana said.

"What about you two boys?" Stef said, eying her younger sons as they sorted through the pile of new games that went along with the PS3 they were given.

"Thanks grams." Both boys mumbled without really looking up from their task.

"I love the watch too." Brandon added. "Thank you."

"Your grandfather actually picked that one out." Dana informed him.

"My father gave me a watch when I turned sixteen and his father gave him one at the same age too."

"I never knew that." Lena said, looking over at her father.

"You know that old, broken watch that your father won't let me have fixed." Dana asked and Lena nodded. "That's the one."

"Wow." Lena said. "I never realized."

"What about you Callie?" Stef said turning her attention to the last kid.

But Callie was just staring uncomfortably at the box in front of her. "It's too much." She mumbled but the adults around her heard it.

"Non sense." Dana said reaching for the box to open it up. "You moms have been absolutely gushing about the pictures you take on your phone that I thought you'd like a professional camera to move forward."

"And the guy at the store said that it comes with this advanced editing software and we got you a book about digital photography." Stewart added.

"It's too much." Callie said again, looking desperately at her mothers' for help.

"Sweetheart, it's okay." Lena said as she got down on the floor next to her granddaughter.

"I've never owned anything this fancy and expensive in my life." Callie tried to explain to Lena.

"Well then it's long overdue." Dana said.

Stef watched the scene unfold in front of her. It had been almost a year since they got Callie and eight months since they had asked if they could adopt her. Granted, her adoption hadn't gone through because Robert Quinn wouldn't relinquish custody but Callie still found it hard sometimes to accept that she was, in fact, just a much a member of the family as anyone else.

Stef moved over to the floor to sit beside her wife and daughter. "Sweetheart remember when you gave mama the sweater?" She asked and Callie nodded. "How does it make you feel to know that you gave her something that means so much to her?"

"Good, I guess." Callie whispered.

"Well you're grandparents got you something they thought would be special to you, don't you think they deserve to feel good too?" Stef asked.

Callie looked again at the camera in Dana's hands before glancing up at the woman holding it.

"Thank you." She said, still unsure of herself but determined not to hurt someone that was trying to do something nice for her."

"Our pleasure." Dana said, handing the girl back her camera.

"Alright babies." Stef called out as she gave Callie one last squeeze. "Off to bed with you, you have sch..."

"Wait." Stewart interrupted her. "There's one more present I'd like to give."

All eyes turned to Stewart as he pulled out a little blue box from his pocket and handed it to Dana.

"Stewart!." Dana exclaimed in surprise. "What is this?"

"Me, getting something special for someone I love." Stewart repeated Dana's own words to her. "Open it."

Dana slowly opened the box and gasped at the beautiful diamond solitaire earrings.

"When did you get this?" Dana asked, her eyes wide with surprise as she passed the box to her daughter and her wife on the floor.

"While you were busy picking pictures for their gift." Stewart said, looking pretty pleased with himself.

"They are beautiful Stewart." Stef said, handing the box back to Dana.

"Really daddy." Lena agreed.

"Thank you." Stewart said as he watched Dana switch out her current earrings for the new ones.


	26. Chapter 26

By the time the mom's had finally gotten all the kids to bed it was pretty late and they were all tired but they headed back to the living room for a while. It was their last night together and they hadn't really spent much time just relaxing.

Stef got a bottle of wine for Dana and Stewart and a bottle of apple juice for Lena and herself. Lena was still on antibiotics and still not allowed alcohol and Stef decided to keep her company drinking apple juice. Along with the drinks she also brought out plate of salted pretzels and a bowl of mnm's.

"I hid these from the kids this afternoon." She said as she placed them down on the coffee table before taking a seat on one of the single seaters.

Lena say laying back against an armrest of the couch with her feet up on her father's lap as he gently passaged them. Dana and Stef were on the single seaters and the four of them were discussing the kids and how excited they were about their presents.

"I think Jude was the most excited of the lot." Stef said, remembering the young boy's face. "He had no games of his own and kept borrowing Jesus'."

"And Mariana was admiring her locket when I went up to say good night to her." Lena added.

"Brandon was very mature about his gift." Stewart said.

"He's outgrown his childish ways." Lena added. "He's been through a lot this past year and he's starting to realize what it is to have responsibility."

"He has grown up a lot lately." Stef said with a sigh. "He's becoming more of a man by the day and I have no idea how to stop it."

"Aww." Dana said sympathetically, reaching out to rub Stef's arm. "It's not so bad trust me. He'll still need you no matter how old he gets."

Stef smiled sadly back at Dana. "It's just that less than a year ago he was almost like Jesus and Jude. He was never a troublemaker but he was still a kid. The change happened so fast."

"He's at that age." Lena said. "He'll be eighteen in less than a year."

"I know." Stef said, a mixture of pride and regret in her tone. "I just miss my little baby."

"He'll always be your little baby." Stewart said. "And plus you have four more. Jude's just thirteen, you've got a while with him yet."

"Exactly. The twins are young still. Brandon and Callie are the only ones no longer kids."

"I don't think Callie ever was a kid." Stef laughed sarcastically.

"She's really had to grow up too young." Lena added. "I can't even imagine being solely responsible for someone else at the age of ten."

"But she did an amazing job." Stef said, her eyes unfocused as she imagined a young Callie, struggling to give Jude what he needed.

"She definitely deserves the extra TLC." Dana said. "I hope she really likes the camera. You can take her back and exchange it if she's not happy with it."

"I'm sure she loves it mom." Lena said "She's just not used to receiving gifts. She has trouble accepting things from us as well."

"Anything above ten dollars is a waste of money according to her." Stef chuckled.

"I can't believe you spent this much though." Lena said. "you usually bring them great stuff but this was something else."

"I know I was a little extravagant this time but they deserved it." Dana said. "It's been a hard week on them too."

"Yes it has." Lena said.

"But you guys were a huge help and we are really grateful that you came down." Stef added.

"Of course." Stewart said. "She's our baby girl." He gave his daughter's leg a tight squeeze.

* * *

It was almost three am and the house was completely quiet when Lena woke. Something didn't feel right and when she looked around she noticed that Stef wasn't in bed with her. Lena walked into the bathroom but didn't find her wife there either. Sucking in a deep breath she made her way downstairs and a light in the kitchen told her that's where she'd find her.

"What are you doing down here?" Lena asked softly as she watched Stef, a cup of tea in her hands, untouched.

"Sorry love." Stef said. "I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you. Are you alright?"

Lena sighed. Stef was never just going to let someone take care of her. She was always worried about everyone else.

"I'm fine honey." Lena said. "I just missed you in bed that's all."

"Okay, let's go." Stef said. She poured her untouched tea down the drain and took Lena's hand guiding them towards the stairs.

"No, this way." Lena said as she moved towards the living room instead. "Let's talk."

"It's late Lena." Stef said, trying to get her wife off the path she was on.

"But you're not sleeping anyways so we might as well make use of our time alone." Lena said.

If the circumstances were different Stef would have thought Lena was talking about sex but unfortunately she was talking about Stef's feelings and Stef groaned as she followed her wife to the couch.

"So what are we thinking about?" Lena said, pushing Stef down at one end and curling up next to her, tucking her legs under her and wrapping them both in a rug.

"_We_ aren't thinking about anything." Stef said, trying once again to cover up her feelings. "_We _just couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake you."

"Come on Stef." Lena said raising her eyebrow at her wife. "I know you better than you think."

"I'm fine love really." Stef said.

Lena was silent for a moment. Getting Stef to open up was like pulling teeth sometimes but when it had to be done, it just had to be done.

"Okay fine." Lena said, playing the guilt trip card. "We'll just go back to bottling it all up. We'll save a ton on therapy."

"Come on Lena." Stef groaned. "It's not the same, this isn't such a big deal."

"Then share it with me." Lena answered. "Let me in."

"I was just thinking about something Callie said to me." Stef admitted.

"About being unsafe?" Lena asked with a frown.

"No." Stef said. "She said that you were hurt for loving me. I know that's not how she meant it but when she said that I just felt so guilty."

"You felt guilty because I love you?" Lena asked, her eyes going wide.

"It's just... the first time she said it she said 'liking women' but the second time she said 'loving me' specifically and I just..." Stef trailed off.

"...added another thing to the list of stuff you already blame yourself for." Lena finished for her.

Stef looked down at Lena. She couldn't mask the pain in her eyes.

"Honey, I love you." Lena said, turning around and sitting up straighter so that she could hold Stef instead. "And that fact and the fact that you love me back is what's getting me through this."

"But it's also what made you go through this in the first place." Stef argued softly.

"I was gay before I met you remember." Lena told her. "If it wasn't you it would have been someone else."

"I feel like I failed." Stef whispered.

"Because you didn't protect me?" Lena asked.

"Among other things." Stef answered and Lena waited for her to continue. "When I became a cop I wanted to change the world. I wanted to make it better, safer for people, you know. But it's hard to realize that that's never gonna be possible. I can't change it and no one else can either."

"Sweetheart, it's like what you said you told Callie, the way to change the world is one person at a time." Lena said. "If you've made a difference in just one person's life then it's worth it. And trust me babe, you've made a difference in many."

Stef smiled at her wife and pulled her in to kiss her as tears slipped down her face.

"Don't give up Stef." Lena said, wiping away the tears with her thumb. "You've still got so much good to do out there."


	27. Chapter 27

Lena was still sound asleep when Stef's alarm rang, waking her up for work. Stef reached across to turn it off before it woke Lena but between the late night and then unplanned conversation in the middle of the night Lena was exhausted and didn't stir at the sound. Stef quietly padded into the bathroom and got into the shower. She was exhausted herself and only really had about four hours of sleep but she had to get to work on time. She was leaving early again to take Lena to have her stitches removed.

Fifteen minutes later when Stef got out of the shower she noticed that Lena hadn't moved. She sighed as she left the room, checking that all the kids were up and at least three were already showered by then. Then she headed downstairs to Dana making eggs.

"Good morning honey." Dana greeted her daughter-in-law. "Sleep well?"

"Not really." Stef answered as she grabbed a mug and filled it with coffee.

"Lena?" Dana asked in concern.

"No, me actually." Stef admitted as she began to pull out the stuff for toast and bacon.

Dana turned down the stove and pulled Stef away from her work. "Sit down for a minute." She instructed.

Stef took a seat at the table and just looked at Dana. "I'm just tired." She said. "And I spent part of last night thinking about what Callie said."

"Lena told me about your talk." Dana said. "She had some pretty convincing arguments."

"Yes she did." Stef sighed as the kids began to defend the stairs.

"Start with the eggs." Stef told them. "I'll put the toast in." She got up to continue helping with breakfast as she sipped her coffee.

Fifteen minutes later it was time for her to leave for work and Lena still hadn't woken up.

"Should I wake her?" Stef asked Dana. "She didn't sleep much more than me but if I leave without telling her will she get mad?"

"Maybe you should just let her be." Dana suggested. "The more she sleeps the better and you'll be back early anyways."

Stef sighed as she grabbed her keys and ushered the kids to the door. "Do you need anything?" She asked Dana. "Are you all packed?"

"Almost." Dana answered. "We'll finish while you're at the hospital."

"Okay, tell Lena I love her." Stef said as she left the house with the kids in tow.

* * *

When Lena woke up almost an hour later and glanced at the clock she woke up with a start. It was almost nine thirty and she knew instantly that Stef had left. She padded into the bathroom and brushed her teeth before heading out to the girls' room where Dana and Stewart had been sleeping.

"Hi baby." Dana said, as she folded clothes and handed them to Stewart to pack.

"Sleep well?" Stewart asked.

"Why didn't someone wake me when Stef and the kids left?" Lena asked, not bothering to answer her parents. She was angry and agitated and she wanted answers.

"Stef said you guys had a difficult night and we thought we'd let you sleep." Dana answered, though she left out the part about it being easier if Lena slept longer. "Besides she'll be home by lunch."

"I wish everyone would stop treating me like an invalid child." Lena huffed and exited the room to find her phone, leaving Dana and Stewart behind, sharing a look.

* * *

"Hi love." Stef said as cheerfully as she could when she answered her phone.

"Don't 'Hi love' me." Lena said angrily over the phone.

Stef sighed, she knew she should have just woken Lena. "I'm sorry honey, you were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake you."

"I'm not dying Stef." Lena said.

"I know that honey." Stef tried to reason with her. "I just didn't want to disturb you that's all."

"When are you coming home?" Lena asked, though she already knew the answer.

"i'll be home by one." Stef answered. "We'll have lunch and then leave."

"Okay." Lena said though she didn't sound happy about it at all.

"How about you make me some of those fajitas that I love." Stef suggested, hoping to busy Lena's mind with something.

"I can do that." Lena said. "Come home as soon as you can please." She requested.

"I will love, I promise." Stef said before hanging up the phone.

"Still panicking?" Mike asked when Stef was done on the phone.

"She was asleep when I left this morning. We both had an eventful night and I didn't want to wake her." Stef explained.

"Is she okay?" Mike asked, looking concerned.

Stef smiled sadly. Everyone just assumed it was Lena that had the bad night. "It was me actually." Stef said.

Mike turned to Stef with more concentration. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yes." Stef answered. "It's just catching up to me and with Dana and Stewart leaving I'm getting a little worried."

"Hey, I'm still here if you need me." Mike reminded her.

"I know Mike, thanks." Stef said smiling and then after a pause she added. "Could I ask you for a favor now?"

Mike laughed. "That was quick but sure."

"Could you maybe drop me off home before heading back to the station. I'll just leave my car there for now, I'd rather get back to Lena a little sooner."

"Sure thing." Mike agreed as he continued to drive around the neighborhood.

Stef smiled, glad that she'd make it home to Lena just a little bit earlier than she'd expected. That would make Lena happy.


	28. Chapter 28

When Stef made it home a half hour before she was expected Lena was in the kitchen with Dana making the fajitas. Dana was rolling out the tortillas at the table and Lena was stripping and seasoning the meat at the counter. Neither of them was saying much and Stef could tell from their faces that Dana was exhausted and Lena was upset.

"Hi love." Stef said brightly as she walked in.

"You're early." Lena said looking surprised.

"I had Mike drop me off after rounds so that I didn't have to head back to the station first." Stef explained. "I thought I'd spend some extra time with my beautiful wife instead." Stef said, hoping to change Lena's mood a little.

But it was no use. Lena just nodded, no change in expression before turning back to her cooking. Stef and Dana shared a look, neither sure what to do because neither wanted to risk putting Lena into an even worse mood than she already was in.

Stef headed to get herself a mug off the draining board to fill herself a cup of coffee when she noticed a tear rolling down Lena's cheek. All plans to just let it go dissolved as Stef walked up behind Lena and wrapped her up in a hug. Stef half expected Lena to resist but was surprised when Lena leaned into her embrace and more tears escaped down her cheeks.

"Baby." Stef said sadly as she turned Lena around to hold her properly.

"You just left." Lena said miserably.

"Sweetheart, I just went to work that's all." Stef said. "You were sleeping, I didn't want to disturb you. I wasn't going anywhere."

"You can't do that." Lena said. "You can't just leave. You have to tell me when you're going."

"Okay." Stef said quickly. "I won't do it again. I'm sorry." She began to realize that it wasn't the fact that Stef hadn't woken Lena to say bye but that Stef had left without telling Lena at all - just like Lena had done the night she was attacked.

Lena buried her head in Stef's shoulder, finally wrapping her own arms around her wife and allowing Stef to comfort her.

* * *

Dana took over the lunch duty while Stef lead Lena upstairs so they could spend a little time together. The two of them were lying on the bed. Stef had changed out of her uniform and into her regular clothes and she was gently twirling her finger around a stray curl on Lena's shoulder.

"It's not your fault, you know." Stef said gently.

"What isn't?" Lena asked, looking up at Stef.

"What happened." Stef answered. She watched as Lena's brow furrowed trying to understand what Stef was talking about. "This didn't happen just because you left without my knowing that you were out of the house or where you were."

Lena looked away ashamed.

"That's why you were upset that I left this morning." Stef said, more a statement than a question.

"If one of the kids had done something like that or even you, before I got attacked I would have been so angry." Lena said. "How could I have been so stupid?" Lena asked, more to herself than Stef.

"Because you're a good person." Stef said. "You have a good heart and a good mind and you don't think the way that those people think and so you don't think the things that they think. Honey, you never imagined that something like this would happen." Stef said, trying to help Lena understand that this wasn't her fault no matter which way you looked at it.

"I work with things like this all the time and honestly even I never imagined it would happen to us." Stef continued. "I know I lecture the kids about being safe and honest about where they're going to be but deep down I never expected my fears to come true, not in our family. No one expects this to happen to them, it's always someone else."

"When I woke up and you were gone I was so worried." Lena said. "I knew that you had just gone to work but you never told me you were going and I just thought that I might never see you again. We can't leave without telling each other, ever." Lena said. "I need to know where you are."

Stef just listened to Lena instruct her that no one was never to leave the house without letting someone know where they were going. She knew that this was just Lena's way of feeling in control and with time they would all go back to their regular routine but for now she was willing to do what Lena asked.

"I promise you that I will tell you when I leave the house, even if you're asleep." Stef promised before giving Lena a squeeze and leading her down for lunch.

* * *

Later, at the hospital Stef sat in a chair while Lena lay on the table having her stitches removed.

"The wound is healing nicely." The doctor said as he cut through the black thread. "Remember, you can shower but no baths yet, until it's completely healed and use baby soap until the scab falls off completely."

"I remember." Lena said. Her mood had lightened considerably since her talk with Stef and the fact that her stitches were being removed and an actual shower was just a drive home away was enough to make her smile.

"If it begins to hurt, bleed, turn red, or irritate in any way please come back immediately." The doctor instructed as he began pulling the stitches out. "It will itch a bit as the scab forms but if it gets bad come have it checked out. We'd rather you come in for nothing than have it infected." He said.

"Okay." Lena said, sucking in hear breath at the slight sting of the stitches being pulled.

"I'm also going to prescribe an ointment to apply twice a day." The doctor said. "It's a mild antibiotic that will both, keep the area from infection as well as help it heal sooner. You can finish the last few of the antibiotics that you're on and then no need to refill it and the pain medication can be stopped anytime."

"Nothing hurts that much anymore." Lena said. "My insides occasionally hurt if I bend too low and my leg hurts if it's pressed or in any one position for too long but nothing major."

"Well, if you feel like it hurts too much take a pain killer but only if you need it, you don't need to take one everyday anymore." The doctor said.

"Thank you doctor." Stef and Lena said as they left the hospital.

* * *

"So can you finally shower so that we can breathe again?" Stewart joked as Stef and Lena walked into the house.

Both women laughed and Lena nodded. "Yes, and I'm planning on doing that right now." She said as Dana entered the living room.

"Good, you two are home." Dana said smiling. "How did it go?"

"All out." Stef said. "Everything looks good."

"That's good." Dana said, hugging Lena before turning to Stef. "I've left some meals in the freezer so you won't have to cook for a few days." Dana told her. "There's a bake and a chicken and some extra fajitas in the fridge too."

"Thank you." Stef said gratefully. She hated to cook and though none of them admitted it, the kids hated it when she cooked too. Anything besides breakfast was considered dangerous for Stef but she didn't want to put it all on Lena either. Dana had really helped out.

Stef looked over at Lena, expecting her wife to smile and thank her mother as well but instead she saw Lena's face pale and sullen. She knew that the reminder that her parents were leaving that night upset Lena and Stef wished she could do something to help her.

"I'm going for a shower." Lena said quickly, heading upstairs alone before Stef could stop her.

* * *

Stef helped Stewart carry their bags downstairs and then helped Dana put away the dishes in the kitchen before heading upstairs to check on Lena. She had been up there for forty-five minutes and Stef wanted to make sure that she was okay. When she opened the bathroom door she heard nothing but the water pouring down so she moved the shower curtain aside and gasped when she saw Lena leaning against the wall, tears pouring down her face.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Stef asked as she turned off the shower.

Lena didn't respond and Stef wondered if Lena was just upset or if she was in pain.

"Have you showered?" Stef asked her, noticing that there were no soap suds in the tub.

Lena shook her head as she continued to cry.

Stef sighed as she thought about what to do for a minute before stripping off her clothes and heading into the tub with Lena. Lena was already wet so Stef just grabbed the small bottle of baby soap that they had bought and squeezed some into her hand. She gave Lena a bath like she would a child and paid careful attention to her leg. Stef didn't want to hurt Lena but at the same time she wanted to make sure to clean it well. As Stef lathered soap on her body she noticed that the bruises on Lena's face and neck were almost completely gone as was the ones on her wrists and she was grateful. Seeing those fingermarks on her wife's skin made her blood boil. Once she was done soaping her Stef turned on the shower once more and washed the soap off Lena's body before turning off the water and wrapping her up in a towel.

"All done." Stef said as she pulled Lena close for a hug.

Lena had stopped crying by now but still hadn't said anything.

"What's the matter love?" Stef asked gently. "Talk to me."

"They're leaving." Lena said. She sounded so scared and hurt and it made Stef want to cry.

"I know." Stef said, for lack of something better to say. "But we'll be okay. I'm still here."

"You'll go to work." Lena said matter-of-factly."

"I can stay home if you want." Stef said rather dejectedly. It's not that she didn't want to stay home with Lena but that she wanted this to pass so that Lena wasn't afraid anymore. She had hoped that returning to their regular routine would help Lena heal.

"No." Lena said. "We can't afford that."

"Don't worry about that." Stef told her. "If you need me to stay back I will."

By now Lena's emotions had settled a bit and she was able to think more rationally. "Let's see how tomorrow goes." She said as she stepped out of the tub to dry herself.


	29. Chapter 29

When Stef and Lena headed back downstairs the house was full of noise indicating that the kids were obviously home. They were all sitting in the living room with Dana and Stewart, laughing and talking.

"Hi mama." Jude said when he saw Lena walk down the stairs.

"Did they take out the stitches?" Brandon asked.

"Yes baby." Lena answered as she took a seat besides her father. "They're out."

"Good." Brandon smiled.

"And you showered." Jesus said smiling as he sniffed the air around her. They all knew that it was one of the things Lena was looking forward to the most.

"Yes." Lena laughed, leaving out the part about the extra help. "I feel much better."

Stef watched as Lena tried to act like she was fine in front of the kids and while they fell for it she could tell that neither of the adults were buying it.

"Did it hurt?" Mariana asked softly.

"A little." Lena admitted as they heard a knock on the door.

"Hey, what brings you here?" She asked, as she opened the door to Mike.

"Your car." Mike said handing her the keys.

"Oh." Stef said in surprise looking out behind him and finding her car, that she had left at the station, parked out front. "You didn't need to do that."

"It's no problem Stef." Mike said.

"Well thanks." Stef replied. "I appreciate that, come on in."

"Anytime." Mike answered with a smile as he entered the house and took a seat. "Hey Lena, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." Lena said. "I'm getting better."

"Good." Mike said. "Stef's been worried about you." He added without thinking receiving a death glare from his ex-wife.

"She's a fighter." Dana quickly interjected, not wanting Lena to feel uncomfortable.

"That she is." Stef agreed wholeheartedly before turning back to Mike. "How did the paperwork go?" She asked him.

"Oh you missed a fun afternoon." Mike teased with a roll of his eyes. "I had to fill out about twelve forms all by myself thanks to you."

Stef laughed. It was no secret that every officer hated paperwork and would pawn it off on someone else the first chance they got.

Lena watched the conversation between the two. Stef and Mike had always had some sort of relationship through the years. At first it was just that they were both Brandon's parents and needed to be at least civil for his sake but over time it grew to a friendship. Lena had been jealous of Mike a couple of times but all in all she liked the man and was glad that her wife was in a good place with him but suddenly, but watching them right now, she wondered if they were closer now than they had been just a week before. The feeling suddenly made Lena feel queazy.

"Wanna help me with my project?" Jude piped up, breaking Lena's thoughts.

Lena turned distractedly towards her son. "Sure bud." She said though her attention was still on her wife and her ex-husband.

"How about the rest of us shoot some hoops?" Stewart asked. "Give me a chance to whoop your butts before I leave."

"You're on gramps." Jesus said smiling. He was always up for the challange.

Mike, Jesus, Brandon and Callie followed Stewart out to the garage for their game leaving Stef, Dana and Mariana to themselves.

"Aren't you gonna join them?" Mariana asked Stef. Stef was usually the first one out there when they were playing.

"In a bit." Stef answered herr daughter. "I thought I'd just sit here with grams for a bit."

Mariana got the hint. "I'll just go do something else." She said, realizing that her mother wanted to talk to her grandmother alone.

"Something happened upstairs." Dana stated.

"She's worried about you leaving." Stef answered. "She's trying to be strong and logical but she's scared and I don't know what to do. I wonder if she'll even let me leave the house tomorrow morning. I've taken half the day off thought just so I can be with her. I don't want her alone all day on her first day."

"Can you afford that?" Dana asked concerned. She knew that both Stef and Lena hated it when Dana or Stewart tried to offer them money but lately Stef had missed a lot of work and Lena's income had dropped considerably since she left her job at Anchor Beach and taken up one on the board of education.

"We're fine." Stef said but then looked away and added. "For now." It wasn't easy for her to admit but the way things were going it looked like they would need some financial help and soon.

"You just have to ask." Dana said gently.

"I know." Stef answered. "Thank you."

* * *

Upstairs Lena and Jude were sitting on Jude's bed and Jude was pulling out all kinds of random items from his backpack. Lena laughed as she watched him pull out empty bottles and bottle caps, straws, key rings, pen caps, ice-cream sticks, bubble gum wrappers, cookie boxes, can tops and a whole lot of other junk.

"Where did you get all this?" Lena asked as she picked up a styrofoam to-go box.

"Recycling bins." Jude answered like it was no big deal.

Lena instantly dropped the box she was holding and gave him a disgusted look.

"What?" Jude asked innocently. "We're supposed to make it out of recycled material. Where else am I supposed to find it?"

"Let's just move it all off your bed and onto the floor okay." Lena suggested.

Jude nodded and scooped all the stuff back into his backpack so he could dump it out onto the floor.

"So what do you want to make?" Lena asked. "Have you decided yet?"

"I was gonna make the map like you suggested but two other people are already doing that so I thought we'd find something else." He said though he had no idea what else they could do.

"How about a forest." Lena suggested. "We can get a large board and make some trees and then make some animals out of bottles and boxes and other stuff."

"How?" Jude asked, intrigued with the idea.

"Well" She said as she picked up a bottle with a long neck. "We could turn this into an alligator." She said. "We can cut the neck lengthwise for the mouth and add some ice-cream sticks and plastic fork heads as legs and make a tail out of can tops."

"That's so cool." Jude said, his eyes lighting up. "I love that idea and I bet no one else will think of it."

"Okay so let's make a list of all the animals we can make and all the things we'll need to make them with." Lena suggested and Jude immediately pulled out a notebook and pencil to take notes.

* * *

A half hour later Lena and Jude headed back downstairs to find the living room empty. They followed the sound of laughter and a ball outside and found the entire family shooting hoops. Dana and Mariana were the only ones sitting on the side and Lena and Jude went to join them. They watched as Stef, Stewart, Mike, Brandon, Callie and Jesus played. It was clear that the game was mostly between Stef, Mike and Jesus. The other three were just accessories. After watching a few seconds Lena figured that Stef, Callie and Stewart were on one team while the rest were on the other.

"You're never gonna win mom." Jesus said as he sunk another basket.

"Don't you underestimate your mother." Stef warned with a smile. "I've been known to shoot well."

"Yeah about as well as a girl." Mike teased as he threw the ball and it sailed though the basket smoothly.

"You take that back Mike Foster." Stef said playfully as she too aimed for the basket.

But Mike grabbed the ball just as it left Stef's hands and Stef instantly chased after him to get it back. Callie tried to help Stef but she was no match for Mike and Stewart didn't even attempt to help out. This left it just between Stef and Mike with Jesus helping Mike occasionally. Finally Stef managed to get the ball and had a clean shot so Mike, in a sore attempt to stop her lifted her off the ground so she missed her aim.

"Hey, no fair." Stef said as everyone fell to the floor exhausted from playing and laughing.

"All's fair in love and war." Mike said as he hi-fived Jesus and Brandon.

The whole group was laughing and having fun that no one noticed the frown on Lena's face or the way that she just stared, irritably at Stef and Mike.


	30. Chapter 30

The family ate an early dinner together and then it was time for Dana and Stewart to leave. Stef and the kids took over dinner clean up so that Lena could have some time alone with her parents. By the time the cab pulled away from the house 'goodbyes' were said and at least a hundred hugs, kisses and 'love you's' were exchanged.

Lena headed straight up to her room once her parents had left leaving Stef to get the kids to bed alone. They all knew that Lena was upset and didn't mind that she didn't come to say good night. They were all a little worried about what tomorrow would bring. Though their mom's had tried hard to keep the worry from them, it was still pretty clear on their faces and the kids were old enough to recognize it for themselves.

When Stef finally made it to her room after locking up and checking that each kid was safely in their bed she found Lena already asleep with the room lights still on. Stef got ready and got into bed herself. She turned off the bedroom light but left the bathroom light on like she had been for the last week. She felt like she had only been asleep a few minutes when she was woken by Lena having a nightmare.

"Wake up love." Stef said as she gently shook Lena, trying to wake her from her nightmare.

Lena continued to toss and turn in her sleep and Stef shook her harder until her eyes opened and she gasped for air.

"You're okay love." Stef said soothingly. "It was just a dream. You're safe."

Lena began to cry as she buried her face in her wife's chest. It hadn't felt like just a dream, it had felt just as real as it did that night.

* * *

The following morning both Stef and Lena were exhausted. Lena's sleep had been plagued with nightmares throughout the night and had kept them both up. Stef knew it was the fear of being left alone that upset Lena and she had suggested yet again the she could stay home but Lena refused the offer.

"You have to go to work Stef." Lena told her. "I'll be fine. Besides we can't have the kids think that I'm too afraid to stay home alone."

"They already know that love." Stef said gently. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"I'll be fine." Lena insisted. "Besides you'll be home by lunch again today so it won't be so bad."

"Alright." Stef said reluctantly. "But call me if you change your mind."

"I will." Lena promised as she watched Stef walk out the door.

* * *

Lena turned to face an empty house for the first time since she was attacked. She took a deep, calming breath, in an attempt to relax. She knew she needed to find something to do to keep her mind occupied or else she'd drive herself crazy. Dana had stocked the freezer and the fridge so cooking wasn't going to help keep Lena busy. Instead she headed up to the boys' room and began digging through the cardboard box of junk that Jude was collecting for his project. Stef had hauled a large carton out for him to collect his stuff in and all the kids were instructed that any recyclable stuff that was clean was to be put in Jude's box until his project was over, an instruction that Lena later regretted when she began to find crumpled paper, candy wrappers and pencil shavings in the box as well.

Lena sorted through the box and pulled out the material she required to make the alligator she had suggested the day before and a couple of hours later he was ready. All he required was a coat of green paint and some eyes. Lena was pleased with her work and immediately set out making an elephant out of a milk carton. She cut part of the handle away to make the trunk and made ears out of cardboard boxes.

Lena was surprised when she heard Stef call though the house. She looked up at the clock and gasped, it was already one. She looked around at the four animals that she had already completed - the alligator and elephant along with a monkey and giraffe. This project seemed to be just what she needed.

Stef, by now, had come upstairs looking for Lena and was surprised to find her on the floor near Jude's bed.

"What are you doing love?" Stef asked as she entered the room.

Lena picked up the monkey and carefully handed it to Stef. "Jude's project."

"That's cute." Stef said, taking the toilet paper roll monkey from her wife and examining it. She refrained from commenting on the fact that this was Jude's project and he was at least supposed to be helping if not doing it himself. If it was helping Lena pass the time then who was she to complain.

* * *

Stef and Lena had lunch together, talking about nothing important and just enjoying the quiet time alone. Lena was always much more relaxed when Stef was around and though she wished her kids were home with her she knew that the school was a safe place and they would be home soon enough.

After lunch they watched some T.V. until Lena began to get drowsy. They had hardly slept the night before and both of them were tired. They headed upstairs and Stef held Lena close as the two drifted off to sleep. The bright daylight allowed Lena to sleep without nightmares and Stef was relieved to hear her slow, even breathing.

A couple of hours later she heard the kids come home and Stef gingerly climbed out of bed so as not to wake her wife. When she got downstairs she found Callie, Mariana and Jude getting snacks. Brandon and Jesus were nowhere to be seen.

"Where are the boys?" Stef asked as she pulled a can of coke out of Callie's hand and handed her a box of orange juice instead.

"I'm not sure." Callie answered. "Brandon must be practicing at school. I know his headphones hurt his ears sometimes here."

"Jesus was supposed to walk home with us." Mariana said. "We waited like fifteen minutes for him but he never showed."

"Did you try calling them?" Stef asked as she pulled her own phone out of her pocket to call her sons. But before she even dialed the front door opened and Jesus came into the kitchen with a black eye and bloody and bruised knuckles.

"Jesus!" Stef exclaimed, her mouth open in shock. "Did you get into a fight?" She asked though the answer was pretty obvious.

Jesus just shrugged as he headed to the freezer to pull out a couple of icepacks for his hand and eye. He was angry but he wasn't sorry and he wasn't about to apologize to anyone. He knew he'd be in trouble but he didn't care. He already had detention for the next three days and he had convinced the teachers not to call his mom's to school - he didn't want to add that extra stress on either of them so he just took the blame and the punishment that went with it although he didn't think he was at fault and vowed to do it again if needed.

"Do not shrug your shoulders at me young man." Stef said as she dragged him over to the sink so she could wash off the blood on his hands. "Why did you get into a fight?"

"Some guys were being really assholes." Jesus said as though that answered everything.

"Watch it mister." Stef warned. Lately Jesus had been using that word a lot and though they hadn't said anything when he was referring to Lena's attackers she still didn't want him to get into the habit of it.

"They were." Jesus promised. "I told them to shut up but they wouldn't listen so I punched one of them."

"You threw the first punch?" Stef asked.

"Yes." Jesus said honestly.

Stef sighed. She knew that Jesus was a good kid and though he had gotten into a few fights before they had always been to defend someone. This time, it appeared that Jesus was the cause of it all.

"What did they do?" Stef asked. She knew that Jesus had to have had some reason. He wasn't the type to just go around punching people.

"They were just being jerks." Jesus said. He wasn't about to explain further.

"Well in that case you are grounded." Stef told him. "No T.V., computer, phone or skateboard for two weeks."

"Fine." Jesus said. He had been expecting it.

"And you come straight home after school" Stef added.

"I have detention for three days." Jesus told her.

"Then you'll come home straight after that." Stef said.

* * *

After Jesus stormed off and the other three kids headed off to do their own thing Stef poured herself a cup of coffee and headed out to the back yard for come quiet. She would have liked to lie down and get some sleep herself but she didn't want to disturb Lena so she stretched out on the couch in the back yard and let her mind wonder.

She thought back to the time when the kids were little and it had been so easy to deal with them then. It had been so much easier to get the truth out of them and to get them to feel bad about their actions. But now they had minds of their own and their own moral compasses that she couldn't always control. She knew that if Jesus felt like those boys deserved a good punch then they probably did deserve it though she wasn't happy with the violence. It just wasn't like Jesus to do something like that without a reason. She just wondered why he wouldn't tell her the truth about it.

"We're out of aspirin." Jesus said, coming out back with the icepacks still in place.

"Do you need some?" Stef asked him, knowing that his injuries were probably hurting.

"I could use a couple." Jesus answered honestly.

"Alright, I'll go get some." Stef said as she headed inside to grab her car keys to head to the store.

* * *

Lena padded out of her room looking for Stef when she saw Callie in the hall.

"Hi mama." Callie smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay baby." Lena smiled as she opened her arms to give Callie a hug.

Callie gratefully leaned in to Lena. Over the year she had learned to allow others to be affectionate toward her and show some affection in return.

"Where's mom?" Lena asked.

"She ran to the pharmacy to get some aspirin." Callie told her. "I can get you whatever you need."

"No thanks baby." Lena smiled.

"Are you sure?" Callie asked. "You don't need to protect me from anything."

Lena smiled at her daughter. Sometimes when she looked at Callie it was hard to remember that she was only sixteen. Most times she seemed so much older.

"I just needed mom to help me clean my leg." Lena told her daughter. "I need to put an ointment on it but first it needs to be cleaned."

"I can help you." Callie said as she gently pushed Lena back into the master bedroom and went to wash her hands.

Lena grabbed the antiseptic wipes and the ointment and instructed Callie on what to do. She watched as Callie gently wiped her leg making sure to clean it properly but not hurt Lena in the process before dabbing the ointment onto the cut.

"You're so brave." Lena said when Callie was done. "I remember cringing when I had to bandage Brandon up for the first time.

"This isn't my first time." Callie said without emotion and Lena remembered that her newest daughter and son had suffered through a lot of pain in their short lives.

"I'm so proud of you Callie." Lena said, turning Callie's head to look at her. "You've survived through so much and you're still such an amazing young woman.

Callie blushed slightly at the compliment. All her life she had done whatever she needed to do for the sake of her brother but she had to admit, it was nice to be appreciated for it once in a while.

"You're my role model you know." Lena continued. "I know that I can survive this because I look at you and see how much you've survived through."

"I remember being afraid too." Callie said. "I remember not wanting to leave my bed or let Jude out of my sight. I bought the sweater because it made me feel like I was hiding under my blanket all the time. I didn't eat or sleep I just cried."

"What made you stop?" Lena asked curiously. She wanted to know everything she could about her children's past.

"Jude." Callie answered. "He noticed the change in me and got scared and I knew that I had to just let it go for his sake."

Lena felt like crying. Her little girl was forced to push aside her fears and pain in order to take care of her little brother. It didn't seem fair that there was no one to take care of her.

"I wish I had been there for you." Lena said sadly. "I wish I could have protect you from all the bad things that happened."

"It's all in the past now." Callie said, trying to ease Lena's mind.

"I know, but I'm your mom and I just wish there was something I could have done." Lena said. "I hate that you're helping me though this. I'm supposed to be the one helping you."

"Why?" Callie asked with a frown.

"I'm your mom." Lena answered. "You're still a kid."

"So what?" Callie asked. "Kids can help their moms too you know. There's no shame in needing some help."

"No there isn't." Lena said. Her daughter was wise beyond her years and Lena was so proud of her.


	31. Chapter 31

After they were done the two headed downstairs to the kitchen.

"So why did mom need aspirin?" Lena asked.

"It's for Jesus." Callie answered. She left out the reason why Jesus needed it but knew that Lena was bound to find out soon enough.

Just as predicted the moment they entered the kitchen Lena ran into Jesus who was putting the icepacks back into the freezer.

"Oh My God!" Lena exclaimed as she walked over to her son and took his face in her hands to examine his eye. "What happened?"

"Nothing?" Jesus said, more a question than an answer.

Lena look at him in disbelief. "Who did you get into a fight with?" Lena asked directly.

"Just some guys at school." Jesus answered.

"Why?" Lena asked.

Jesus remained silent. He didn't want to talk about it. He punched someone and he was willing to suffer the consequences, why couldn't they all just leave him alone.

"Answer me." Lena said firmly when Jesus made no move to speak.

"I just did." He said, his voice growing defiant.

"That's not good enough." Lena said.

"Look I already got detention and mom grounded me for two weeks with absolutely no entertainment so can we please just forget about it." Jesus practically begged.

"Jesus, you have a black eye, how do you expect me to forget about it?" Lena asked.

"You should see the other guy." Jesus said rather proudly before he could stop himself.

"Violence is not the answer." Lena told him. "No matter what he did, you don't hit anyone."

"Why not?" Jesus asked, his anger rising. "Better them than you."

Lena was taken aback by Jesus' answer. Something about the way he said the word 'you' told her that this had something to do with her and was not just a statement in general.

"What happened Jesus?" She asked more seriously, but in a softer tone.

"Nothing." Jesus said again, determined to keep his mouth shut.

Lena sighed. She knew she wasn't going to get anywhere with him until he cooled down a bit.

"Go to your room." She told him. "We'll talk about this later."

Lena wanted to talk to Stef before she tried to push Jesus into talking. She wasn't sure exactly what had happened but she knew that her son did what he thought was right and until she got the details she wasn't ready to punish him.

Jesus left in a huff though he was rather glad that he got away without being pushed to talk. He knew that once Stef got back they'd press him harder but he thought maybe he could fake a headache and pretend to be asleep. How could he admit the things he had heard those boys say about Lena? How could he even say the words out loud to explain it to them?

* * *

When Stef got back home she was surprised to find Jude waiting for her on the front steps.

"What are you doing all alone out here love?" Stef asked him as she took a seat beside him on the step.

Jude shrugged. "Jesus is in a bad mood and Callie is trying to help mama." He told her.

"Mama saw Jesus?" Stef asked, though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"Yeah." Jude answered her. "He didn't give her any more answers than he gave you so she sent him up to his room and now she's crying."

Stef's expression immediately filled with worry at the knowledge that her wife was crying but something told her that Jude wasn't just sitting out here to get away from the argument.

"What's on your mind baby?" She asked gently. Of all her kids, it was easiest to get Jude to talk.

"Mama started my project without me." He said. "We were supposed to work on it together."

Stef sighed. She had thought the same thing when she had found Lena on the floor of Jude's room but hadn't said anything.

"Honey, I don't think mama meant to hurt you at all." She tried to explain to him. "I think that she was afraid that she was home alone and needed something to distract her. Your project seemed to be just the thing she needed."

Stef waited a moment for Jude to accept her answer before she continued.

"There are still loads of animals you can make together." She added, hoping to return a smile to his face.

"I guess." He said. "If it helps her then it's okay. I don't mind if she does it alone."

"Oh baby she didn't want to do it alone." Stef clarified as she wrapped an arm around her son. "She would have loved it if you had been there, it's just that she needed to take her mind off the empty house."

"You think she'll make a few more with me before dinner?" Jude asked innocently.

"I'm positive she'd love to." Stef said as she pulled them both up to enter the house.

* * *

When Stef and Jude entered the house they found Callie and Mariana sitting in the living room talking softly.

"Where's mama?" Stef asked.

"She went upstairs." Mariana answered. "She asked you to go to her when you got back."

Stef nodded and headed up to her room to find Lena sitting up in bed with a book open against her legs but she was obviously not reading anything. Instead she was staring into space, her eyes tired and sad.

"Hi love." Stef said, trying to gauge Lena's mood. She had worried slightly about leaving the house without telling Lena but she was only going to be gone for about twenty minutes and she thought that with any luck Lena would have slept through her absence.

Much to Stef's relief Lena looked up and smiled at the sight of her wife. "You're back." She said, the joy evident in her voice.

"I'm back." Stef confirmed.

"My parents have been gone one day and things are already falling apart." Lena said miserably.

"Nothings falling apart." Stef assured her.

"Jesus got into a fight." Lena said sadly.

"I know." Stef said. "I grounded him."

"He told me." Lena said. "But he wouldn't tell me why he got into it."

"Me either." Stef said sadly. "But it's still not acceptable."

"No but I think I know what it's about." Lena said.

Stef looked at her wife curiously. "What?" She asked.

"Me." Lena answered. "I think some kids must have said something about what happened and he tried to defend me."

"What makes you think that?" Stef asked. The thought had never crossed her mind.

"The way he said that sometimes it's better to hurt someone else so that they don't hurt you more." Lena answered.

"We'll talk to him." Stef assured Lena. "We'll get to the bottom of this."

"He's a good kid." Lena said, trying to defend him. "He gets into fights but it's always to protect someone."

"That's true." Stef agreed. "But we need to help him learn that there are other ways to solve problems."

"I agree." Lena said. "But..."

"But?" Stef asked, surprised and slightly amused. "There's a but? From you?"

"I just think he was right." Lena said. "We should all be able to hold our own incase someone else tries to hurt us."

"What are you saying?" Stef asked, furrowing her brow.

"Self defense." Lena said. "For all of us, especially the girls. Really only you and Jesus have any idea how to protect yourselves but I don't think it's a bad idea to include the rest of the family in that."

"Okay." Stef said. "That can be arranged. The station holds self defense classes, we can sign up for that."

"Okay good." Lena said, glad that she's found a small solution at least.

"Alright." Stef said. "Shall we go deal with our son?"

Together they headed to Jesus' room to pry the truth from him.


	32. Chapter 32

Jesus groaned when he heard his door open. He knew he couldn't avoid the inevitable and he wondered if it was even worth it to try to postpone it as much as possible.

"Did you take your aspirin?" Stef asked as a way of indicating that they were in the room and that she knew he couldn't be feeling too bad since he already took the pill.

"Yeah." Jesus mumbled without looking away from the ceiling.

"Sit up please honey." Lena said gently as she sat down on the bed next to him, patting his leg.

Jesus groaned again but did as he was asked.

Lena gently reached out to touch his eye and winched herself when she made contact. It always hurt her when one of her kids was in pain.

"It doesn't hurt that bad." Jesus said as he sat up and crossed his legs so that Stef could sit as well.

"Somehow I doubt that." Stef said. She had received a black eye or two in her field of work and experience told her that he was lying.

"Baby, why did you get into a fight?" Lena asked softly. Whether it hurt or not was pointless and she wanted to get down to the real reason that they came to talk to him.

"I told you, it was just a fight." Jesus answered, exasperated.

"I know that's not true." Lena said.

"You don't know anything." Jesus mumbled.

"I know it was because of me." Lena said without missing a beat, studying Jesus' face.

It was just for a split second that Jesus looked guiltily up at her but it was long enough for both Stef and Lena to take it as a sign that she was right.

"Were those kids saying something about mama?" Stef asked. It amazed her that Lena had been right. Sometimes that woman seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to her children.

"They said she had it coming." Jesus whispered, not even wanting to say the words out loud.

"What else?" Stef asked, her glance going between her wife and son to keep an eye on both of them.

"The guy I punched said that he was glad it happened and if someone hadn't beaten him to it he would have done it himself the moment he graduated." Jesus answered his mother, looking directly at Stef to avoid looking at Lena.

Stef however, did glance at Lena and saw her eyes wide but dry. Clearly she was trying to figure out what to say.

"Honey people say things." Stef said. "We can't always change the way they think but we can't go around hitting people because they think differently than we do."

"I know that but the way they were talking." Jesus defended. "Like she wasn't even human - an animal or someone with a disease." He said, still staying focused on the blond.

"Honey, we all face adversity for something or the other. For mama and me it's most often this and while I'm not condoning it I am saying that people have a right to their own opinions." Stef said.

"So it's okay to just let them talk like that and make threats?" Jesus asked, his anger rising.

"No." Stef amended. "But it's not okay to hit them either. We can't control the actions of others but we can control ourselves."

"Who were they?" Lena suddenly interrupted causing both Stef and Jesus to turn their attention to her. "Who were the kids?" She asked again.

"Jake Miller and some other senior, I'm not sure." Jesus said.

"I thought so." Lena said, getting frowns from the two people with her.

"What do you mean love?" Stef said, asking for an explanation.

"Jake's been getting into trouble since he was in middle school." Lena explained. "He's probably been in my office more than anyone else and a few times his parents have been called in as well."

"So he's said this before?" Stef asked.

"Not him." Lena said. "His father."

"WHAT?" Stef asked wide eyed. "His father threatened you?"

"His parents are separated, his father has a temper." Lena said. All anger gone as she remember the ten year old that sat in front of her years ago, terrified of the man next to him. "He would threaten all the staff, not just me."

"That doesn't make it right." Stef said, her anger rising as well.

"No, but they were empty threats." Lena said. "He'd said it so many times over the years that it stopped bothering me."

"Well it bothered me." Jesus piped up.

"It is sad to know that Jake said it." Lena admitted. "We all tried so hard to keep him off the track his father was on. His mother did everything she could think of for him. But it's obvious he learned it from his father in spite of everything."

"Why didn't you ever tell me any of this?" Stef asked, looking at Lena with a frown.

"They were just empty threats." Lena said. "He never really did anything, it was just big talk."

"But that doesn't make it right." Stef pointed out. "He had no right to say anything to you."

"Our aim was to help Jake." Lena said, though that wasn't really an answer. "Nothing else was important."

Stef sighed. There wasn't anything Lena wouldn't do for a kid in trouble and it was what Stef loved most about her. It was, after all, how she got two of her children.

"If he's saying it how do you know he's not gonna act on it?" Jesus asked. That thought was what lead him to punch the boy in the first place.

"We don't know that." Lena answered her son. "But we can't just assume that he was going to. He's heard his dad say stuff like this his whole life - to him it's just normal."

"There's nothing normal about it." Stef said annoyed.

"We can't do much about the way that Jake was raised or the things that he thinks and says." Lena pointed out. "But what I do have control over is my own son." She added, turning her attention to Jesus. "And I will not have my son getting violent."

Jesus was about to argue but Lena cut him off by continuing.

"I know you were trying to defend me and I appreciate that but I'd rather you walk away and find someone who can help you solve the problem in a better way." Lena said. "You could have come to mom or me or even one of your teachers. I know most of the faculty supports same sex marriage and would have helped you."

"Mrs. Graham said that he was out of line and would be sent to a shrink to discuss the crap he was saying." Jesus interjected.

"I'm sure she didn't say it in those words but having him talk to someone is a good idea." Lena said. Then suddenly a thought struck her. "Wait, Julia knew that you two got into a fight?" She asked.

"Yeah." Jesus answered. "She broke up the fight and gave all three of us detention till the middle of next week."

"Why didn't she call me?" Lena asked, though she wasn't expecting Jesus to give her an answer.

But a sheepish look on Jesus' face told them that he did have an answer.

"Jesus?" Lena asked.

"I begged her not to." He told his mother. "I didn't want you to know what people were saying at school."

"Sweetheart." Lena pulled him closer to her so she could hug him. "You are so sweet and kind but you have to remember that I'm the mom. You don't have to keep trying to protect me. It's okay if people don't always agree with us or accept us. The only thing we can do is be the best people we can be."

"Sorry mama." Jesus said, hugging Lena back. "It won't happen again."

"It better not." Lena said in a warning tone, though she had a smile on her face.

All three of them just sat together for a moment until Stef gave Jesus a smirk. "So how bad does the other guy look?" She asked, receiving a grin from her son and a hard whack from her wife.

* * *

"He's a good kid." Lena said as she walked back to her own room with her wife.

"He is." Stef agreed. "They all are."

"I actually wanted to talk to you about Jude." Stef said cautiously. Their talk with Jesus had gone well and she hoped that this next talk that they needed to have would go smoothly too.

"What about him?" Lena asked.

"He's a little upset that you started his project without him." Stef admitted.

Lena sighed, she hadn't meant to upset the boy, she just didn't think.

"I should have thought of that." She said, more to herself than Stef.

"He understands why you did it." Stef told her. "I explained it to him."

Lena's brow furrowed. "What did you tell him?" She asked in confusion.

Suddenly Stef realized that Lena herself didn't know why she'd done it.

"That you needed a distraction and his project seemed to be just that." Stef said carefully.

Lena looked away as she realized that what Stef had said was true.

"Honey, it's okay." Stef told her. "I'm glad that you had something to do besides sit and worry until I got home."

"Is he still upset?" Lena asked.

"No." Stef answered quickly. "Though he was hoping that you'd go and make some more animals with him before dinner. He's really excited about doing this with you."

"I can do that." Lena said with a small smile. "I'm happy to work on it with him too, it's not often that he asks for any help."

"He's gotten better at it." Stef pointed out. "And he's far better than Callie."

"Speaking of Callie, we had a talk today." Lena said.

"About what?" Stef asked curiously.

"She basically told me that there was nothing wrong with my needed her help, even though I'm the mom and she's the kid." Lena said.

Stef looked at Lena curiously. "What do you mean?"

"I needed my leg cleaned and medicated." Lena said. "You weren't home and Callie offered to do it. While she cleaned it she reminded me that she'd done this countless times before for Jude and herself. I hated that she was comforting me instead of the other way around. She said there was nothing wrong with needing help."

"She's right." Stef said. "As much as I wish that she wasn't in any position to help you through this, I'm glad that someone understands what you're going through."

"I can just imagine her, ten years from now, with children of her own." Lena said, with a far off look in her eyes as she imagined her daughter, all grown up. "She'll make such an amazing mother."

"What do you see?" Stef asked Lena with a smile.

"Honestly." Lena said focusing on Stef again. "I see you. She's already so much like you that it's easy to see what she'll be like. She's already halfway there."

The image made Stef smile. "She's my girl." She said giddily.

"She is." Lena agreed with a laugh. "I can see it everyday."

* * *

Stef took over dinner that evening since it basically meant pulling a bake dish out of the freezer and sticking it in the oven. When it was warmed up she called out to Lena and all the kids. Callie, Brandon and the twins came down within the few minutes of each other but Lena and Jude made no appearance.

"I'll get them." Mariana offered.

But Stef stopped her. "No, I'll go." She said. She wanted to see for herself what the two were up to. And she was glad that she did because when she got to Jude's bedroom door she found the two of them sitting on the floor playing with the animals they had made. Jude was holding a lion and 'roaring' at the little rabbit in Lena's hand.

Stef just stood and watched the two for a few minutes until Lena finally noticed her and smiled. The joy on her face and the twinkle in her eyes was enough to bring tears to Stef's own eyes. It had been a week since she had seen Lena this happy. And the look on Jude's face matched that of his mother. Both of them enjoying each other's company and relishing in the time they had together.

"Dinner time." Stef finally said when their game was distracted. She waited a moment as Lena and Jude lined the finished animals on his desk before leading them both downstairs to join the rest of the family.


	33. Chapter 33

Saturday went better than Stef had hoped. With the kids home Lena was much more relaxed and though she was a bit anxious when Stef actually left for work, she had only called three times through the morning and Stef took that as a sign that Lena had had a good day.

It helped that most of the kids stayed home with her all day. Callie flat out refused to leave and Jude only went outside with Jesus for a while to expel some energy. Brandon and Mariana were the only ones who actually went out, Brandon to meet Lou and Matt for practice and Mariana went shopping with the dance team girls.

Stef was driving Mike had been instructed to keep an eye on her phone. She didn't want to miss a call or text from Lena. She figured that if she didn't respond then Lena's day would go south. Mike, for his part, did his best to distract Stef. As worried and nervous as Lena was Stef was equally so only she didn't realize it.

"You should have seen the two of them." Stef was telling Mike. "They looked so cute playing like that. Jude was exactly like Brandon used to be - carefree and confident."

"That's kids for you." Mike said with a smile. He remembered the days when all it took was a few free hours with Brandon to keep them both happy.

"But that kid has a special place in Lena's heart." Stef said fondly. "They're almost the same, both of them."

"He's a good kid." Mike agreed. "He doesn't seem as troubled as Callie though."

"She protected him from a lot." Stef answered. "She made sure he had a childhood, even though it meant that she had to give up her own."

"She sounds a lot like you." Mike observed and Stef smiled.

"She refused to make any plans today." Stef told him. "She wanted to stay home with Lena. Sometimes she forgets that she's still a kid herself."

But before Mike could respond there was a call over the radio and Stef was speeding down the road towards a pharmacy that was being held at gunpoint.

* * *

Lena was sitting in the living room with Callie discussing _To Kill a Mocking Bird_ when Jude and Jesus came barging through the door. Both boys were hot and sweaty, their faces red and clothes dirty.

"You guys look like you had fun." Lena said as the boys charged into the kitchen to get a drink.

"We did." Jude yelled, still panting but obviously happy.

"You think they need showers?" Lena asked Callie with a grin.

"I don't think there's enough soap in the world." Callie answered just as the two boys entered the living room.

"What did you two do?" Lena asked as she pushed Jude away from her when he came to sit beside her. "Not until you shower baby." She told him.

"We ran down to the beach and back." Jesus answered.

"I ran the whole way." Jude piped up proudly.

"He did." Jesus agreed. "But he need a half hour break at the beach." He added teasingly.

"It was hot and all up hill." Jude defended himself.

"Wuss." Jesus continued to tease his brother.

Lena smiled at the interaction. Little things like this made her so happy. She loved to see her kids getting along but it was the moments like these that showed that they actually considered each other siblings.

* * *

About half an hour before lunch Lena called Stef again but Stef didn't answer. She tried Mike but he didn't answer either and Lena began to worry. Something must have happened if neither of them was answering her calls. She texted Stef asking her to call and then went to heat up the left over bake from the night before. With just four of them that would be enough for lunch.

Though the three kids kept up the chatter through lunch Lena's mind was on Stef and Callie could tell that something was wrong. She didn't want to bring it up in front of the boys so instead she helped Lena by keeping them distracted.

"So are you gonna run with Jesus everyday now?" Callie asked Jude as she watched Lena though the corner of her eye.

"No way." Jude said wide eyed making his sister and brother laugh.

"Come on." Jesus encouraged. "I hated it when I started out too but it's actually pretty great."

"Still no." Jude answered. He was still pretty tired from their run and though it was fun he was just not interested in making it a daily even. Sports and exercise just wasn't his thing.

"Your loss." Jesus shrugged as he shoveled some bake into his mouth.

Through this Lena kept glancing at her phone checking for a call or text from Stef but received none and soon lunch was over. Callie shoved the boys out the door instructing them to get some ice-cream before heading back to the kitchen to Lena.

"I'm sure she's fine." Callie said softly as Lena hung up the phone in frustration.

Lena wanted to say something encouraging to her daughter but she just couldn't find it in her. She was worried and it obviously showed and her ever observant daughter had caught on.

Lena's thoughts were interrupted when her phone began to ring. Glancing down at the screen she gave an audible sigh of relief before answering.

"Stef." She said desperately.

"Sorry babe." Stef apologized. "We were really busy and I couldn't answer. Are you alright?"

"Yes" Lena answered, though she was still upset about the whole thing.

"I'm sorry sweetheart." Stef said sincerely. "I called back as soon as I could."

"What happened?" Lena asked.

"There was a problem at a pharmacy." Stef said, trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation.

"Okay." Lena said. "Is it over now?"

"Yes love." Stef told her. "We're heading to lunch now and then it's paperwork for the rest of the day." Stef knew how much Lena loved it when all she had was paperwork - it kept her behind a desk and off the dangerous streets.

"Okay good." Lena said, not masking the relief she felt.

"I love you honey." Stef said. "See you soon."

"I love you too." Lena answered before hanging up.

* * *

"She upset?" Mike asked when Stef hung up the phone.

"Oh yeah." Stef answered with a sigh before pulling out onto the road and heading to a diner for lunch.

"Why don't I drop you off home for lunch?" Mike suggested. "I can pick you up in forty minutes or so. You can spend some time with her."

"Nah Mike." Stef said. "Thanks but we'll just grab something on the way back to the station."

"Come on Stef." Mike encouraged her. "She could really use it and I think you could too."

Stef looked at Mike for a moment, realizing that he was right. "Alright." She finally said. "But you're staying for lunch too. Dana made tons of food and she's just as good a cook at Lena."

"I won't turn that offer down." Mike laughed as Stef turned off to head towards her house.

* * *

"Surprise!" Stef called as she let herself and Mike into the house.

"What are you doing home?" Lena asked surprised as she came out of the kitchen with Jude in tow.

"We thought we'd surprise you." Stef said, walking up and giving Lena a kiss. "It was Mikes idea actually." She added, giving him a chance to earn some brownie points.

"Have you guys eaten?" Lena asked.

"No, we're here for lunch." Stef answered. "Have you guys eaten?"

"Yes, but the boys brought a ton of ice-cream so we'll have that together once you eat." Lena said as she headed into the kitchen.

"Sounds good." Stef said as she and Mike followed Lena.

Callie and Jesus were just about to open the tubs of ice-cream when Lena walked in.

"Hey, mom and Mike are here for lunch." She told them with a smile. "How about we wait until they eat before we open that."

"Okay." Callie said instantly as she put the ice-cream into the freezer. She could already see the change in Lena just from having Stef back home.

* * *

But it didn't last long for as Stef and Mike ate they relayed the events of the morning answering all the questions that Jesus and Jude could throw at them.

"Did you shoot anyone?" Jesus asked, always interested in the excitement of it all.

"Thankfully no." Stef answered her son.

"But your mom did tackle the guy down." Mike added. "She's got some guns on her."

"Alright mom." Jesus said proudly.

"What did they want from a pharmacy?" Jude asked in confusion.

Suddenly the room took a serious turn. "They were looking for drugs." Lena explained.

"Oh." Jude said, still confused. "I thought drugs were like injections and powders." he commented.

"Sometimes." Stef said. "But some people also get addicted to painkillers and other medical drugs. That's why pharmacies always keep that stuff locked up."

"So they were addicts?" Jude asked.

"That's right." Stef answered.

"Who were they?" Jude asked. He was curious now and wanted to understand.

"Some kids." Stef answered.

Everyone in the room was shocked.

"Kids?" Lena asked. She hated to see kids slip through the cracks.

"The youngest was around Callie's age." Stef said, looking at her daughter, think that if Callie hadn't come to them when she had it could just as easily have been her.

"And the oldest wasn't much older." Mike added ruefully.

"So what's gonna happen to them?" Callie asked, speaking for the first time. She had the same thought as Stef - this could have been the path she chose had it not been for her moms.

"They will get tried as adults unfortunately." Stef answered her daughter. "But they will also get the help they need to get over their addiction. Hopefully it will help them."

"Will they go to juvie?" Jude asked, remembering how scared he was when Callie was sent there.

"Yes." Stef answered. "For a while at least. They held people at gunpoint though luckily no one got hurt."

"Thanks to your mom." Mike added, trying to move away from the depressing conversation.

"How'd she take them down?" Jesus asked, once again engrossed in the details.

Lena listed to Stef and Mike relay the events. Mike giving the kids every detail and Stef pretending it was no big deal. She watched as the two playfully teased each other and the easy way in which they seemed to worked together. It was clear that the two had formed a successful strategy at work.

"I wouldn't wanna go up against your mom." Mike said with a laugh as he playfully punched Stef in the arm.

Stef laughed. "Too bad, I'd love to pummel you to the ground." She joked back.

"I'm sure you would." Mike laughed easily.

Lena felt sick as she watched the interaction between the two. They weren't just partners any more and by the way they were acting they didn't seem to be just friends either.


	34. Chapter 34

By the time Stef got home that night it was late. Her and Mike had stayed longer than expected during lunch and as a result had to stay longer at work to finish the report for the arrests they had made. A little extra time went in trying to find them proper rehab centers. They were just kids and Stef and Mike both hoped that they'd get the help they needed.

Stef entered the house quietly though she was sure that Lena would still be awake. Sure enough Lena was sitting at the kitchen table with a plate of lasagna in front of her ready for Stef. Stef smiled at the sight, she was hungry and Lena knew she would be.

"Hi love." Stef said as she walked around the table to give Lena a kiss.

"Hi." Lena murmured halfheartedly back as she stuck the plate into the microwave to heat.

"Everything okay?" Stef asked. She had noticed Lena's mood get somber as lunch progressed but chalked it up to the fact that she would be leaving again soon. Now she had expected Lena to be happy to see her again.

"Fine." Lena answered.

"Honey..." Stef tried to get her to turn around and face her but Lena pulled away from her grasp. Stef became worried. "Sweetheart, did something happen?" She asked, still holding on to Lena's shudders though she stopped trying to turn her around.

"Nothing." Lena answered as the microwave beeped.

"I'm sorry I'm home late." Stef said, wondering if that's the reason that Lena was upset. But she had called two hours ago to let Lena know that she'd be late and she also assured her that she was just going to be at the station and not out on patrol.

"It's fine." Lena answered, setting the plate down on the table for Stef before walking towards the stairs to go up.

"Sweetheart, please talk to me." Stef stopped her using more force this time. She didn't want Lena to get away.

"There's nothing to talk about." Lena said flatly. Stef's hold on her was strong and she knew she wouldn't be able to get away from it and the more she struggled the more Stef was going to push her to talk. "I'm just tired."

Stef knew it was a lie but she reluctantly let Lena go anyways. She watched Lena disappear up the stairs before sighing and turning to her plate. She sat down and stared at her plate of lasagna but didn't take a bite. Suddenly she was no longer hungry. She got up and stuck the plate into the fridge and followed Lena upstairs.

"You're done?" Lena asked from their bed.

"Um yeah." Stef answered. She didn't admit that she hadn't eaten at all.

Stef went about her regular routine of getting ready for bed. She kissed Lena on the cheek as she crawled into bed and turned out the light. What she didn't expect was for Lena to curl up behind her and slip her hand up Stef's t-shirt.

"Honey?" Stef said in surprise.

"Don't talk." Lena whispered as she turned Stef around to face her.

The two began kissing as Lena's hand roamed Stef's breasts under the t-shirt. Stef pulled Lena closer and kissed her hard. She had missed this and she had wondered how long it would take for Lena to be comfortable with sex again. She hadn't expected it to be this soon though and she had prepared herself to wait as long as Lena needed. But Lena seemed to be ready now which still seemed somewhat odd to Stef.

As Stef pulled Lena closer her hand went under Lena's t-shirt as well and suddenly Lena pulled away involuntarily and her body began to shake as she cried.

"I'm sorry honey." Stef said quickly as she reached for Lena again just to hold her.

"No." Lena stopped her and quickly wiped the tears away from her face. "No keep going." She instructed as she pulled her own t-shirt off completely.

"Honey no." Stef tried to stop her. "You're not ready. There's no rush. We can wait."

"I _am _ready." Lena insisted in anger.

"Baby what's going on?" Stef asked, worried.

"NOTHING." Lena practically shouted. "If you don't want to have sex with me just say so. Maybe all you want is Mike now."

* * *

Stef was stunned. That was the last thing she had expected. Mike? Really? She stared at Lena, her mouth open trying to figure out the right thing to say but failing miserably.

"Just go Stef." Lena said as she pulled her t-shirt back on.

"I'm not going anywhere." Stef finally managed to say right before she started laughing.

Lena looked even more hurt and tried to get out of bed but Stef stopped her.

"I'm sorry love." Stef said, trying to control her laughter. "This is just so ridiculous. Mike?"

"I've seen how close you two have gotten." Lena said.

"Honey, we work together and we're just friends, that's all." Stef explained, though she wasn't sure why. She knew that deep down Lena knew it as well.

"And what happens if I take too long?" Lena said, unintentionally admitting that she wasn't ready yet.

"Then we wait." Stef stated in an obvious tone. "I'm not going to have an affair. I love you and there is no one I would rather be with than you, no matter how long it takes. I love you Lena and I want you to be ready. It's no fun for me either if you're not enjoying it.

"I just don't want you to go back to Mike." Lena said softly. She was beginning to realize just how irrational she sounded.

"Honey, Mike and I are just friends. I admit that we have gotten closer lately but that's just because we've all been through so much together - the shooting, Brandon's hand, Ana. We've just spent more time together and now that we're working together again we spend most of our time together but he's still just Mike. You are the one I love baby, you are the one I come home to every night."

"So nothings going on?" Lena asked.

"No. We just talk. We're just friends. He's just been there for me lately. Since our parents left there hasn't been anyone for me to vent to." Stef admitted.

"You can talk to me." Lena said miserably.

"Honey, you're going through so much right now. I don't want to put that all on you. You may not admit it but you're hurting and I don't want to add to that. Mike just listens and helps me realize that things will get better. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I love you Lena, only you."

"I love you too." Lena said, leaning towards Stef so the blond could hold her.

* * *

Sunday went well for the family. Brandon was going to spend the evening with Mike but Stef made sure to avoid the topic completely. Instead she insisted on a game during the afternoon while all the kids were home.

"I haven't had a chance to whoop your butts in forever." Stef said, pulling monopoly out of the closet.

"I wanna be the dog." Mariana said as she quickly picked the little terrier out of the box.

"You're always the dog." Jesus laughed.

"He's so cute." Mariana defended.

"Alright, everyone got their pieces?" Stef asked as she passed the dice to Lena for the first roll.

"Three doubles and you're in jail." Jesus quickly reminded the group when Lena rolled a double five.

Lena laughed as she moved her piece and rolled again. Stef watched Lena, glad that she was happy again. She silently reached under the table and grabbed Lena's hand, holding on tight, reminding her that she was loved.

* * *

Monday morning was once again a dreary day for Lena. Stef was going to work and the kids were going to school. Jude's project was almost entirely complete so even that was not going to distract Lena much.

"How about those photos?" Stef suggested slyly.

"I guess." Lena said as she flipped a pancake over in the pan. She knew that Stef was trying to help out but she also knew that no project was going to take her mind off the fact that she was going to be home alone for at least six hours.

"How about you come have lunch with me today." Stef suggested. "You can come down to the station like you used to, remember?"

Lena smiled at the memory. Whenever school was shut for the summer or any other break Lena would surprise Stef by showing up at the station for lunch. It had started because the first time Brandon was upset that he was left alone with Lena but eventually became a ritual, even once Brandon no longer joined. It only stopped when the twins came to them. By then there was too many kids and both Mariana and Jesus required routine.

"I don't think so." Lena said softly. She still wasn't ready to leave the house yet, especially not on her own. She didn't mind so much when she had to go to the hospital or the therapist with Stef.

"Alright." Stef said. She considered telling Lena that she'd try to make it home for lunch herself but worried that if she couldn't then Lena would be even more upset.

"I'll be fine." Lena said, putting on a brave face. She could tell that Stef was worried about her and she hated sending her out to work when her mind was preoccupied.

"I know you will love." Stef encouraged as she kissed Lena and ushered the kids out the door.

* * *

Stef and Mike were driving around while the two of them talked she made sure not to mention Lena's concerns to him. Lena had been worried that Stef would share that particular incident with him and it embarrassed her greatly.

"So you up for another home cooked lunch?" Stef asked as Mike drove down the streets.

"Always." Mike answered happily. "Tell Lena to expect us everyday." He teased.

"I actually haven't told her anything." Stef admitted. "I didn't want to upset her if I couldn't make it."

"She's still scared?" Mike asked.

"A little." Stef answered. "She's better though."

"That's good." Mike said. "She just needs time. She's calling less too." He observed.

As if on cue Stef's phone rang. She shot Mike a humored look before answering.

"Hi love." She said pleasantly.

"Hey Stef, where are you?" Lena asked.

"Just driving around." Stef told her. "Nothing major so far. Looks like it's gonna be an easy day." She added, hoping it would help Lena.

"With Mike?" Lena asked, a slight edge to her voice.

Stef smiled to herself as she glanced over at Mike. What was the right answer - on the one hand Lena did feel better knowing that Stef and Mike were partners - she believed that Mike would never let anything happen to Stef but on the other hand Lena was currently jealous of Mike. In the end Stef decided to just go with the truth. Nothing good would come of it if Lena found out she'd lied.

"Yes." Stef said.

"Okay." Lena said.

Stef could hear the sadness in Lena's voice. Though she had tried to assure Lena that there was nothing going on between them it was obvious that Lena wasn't completely convinced.

"Remember I love _you_." Stef said, emphasizing the last word.

"I love you too." Lena mumbled before hanging up.

* * *

"Everything okay?" Mike asked with a frown.

"Yeah." Stef answered distractedly.

"You two having problems?" Mike asked.

"No, why do you ask?" Stef asked.

"Just the way you told her that you loved her." Mike pointed out.

Stef though for a moment. She had made it clear that she loved only Lena and obviously Mike had caught on.

"She's just insecure right now." Stef explained. "She thinks that if she's not ready to have sex yet then I'll move on or something."

"WHAT?" Mike asked in surprise. "That's never gonna happen."

"Yeah." Stef laughed too and then laughed harder as she added. "This is not something I ever imagined talking to my ex-husband about."

Mike laughed at that too. "Yeah, good thing you're gay or she might think that we'll get back together."

Mike had said it as a joke but the look on Stef's face told him that he had hit too close to home.

"WHAT?" He asked again.

"It may have come up." Stef finally admitted.

"Are you serious?" Mike asked. "Hasn't she seen the way you look at me?" He teased.

Stef raised her eyebrows questioningly at him.

"Like you wanna punch my lights out." Mike explained and Stef laughed.

* * *

Stef and Mike never made it to the house for lunch. They had gotten called back to the station for an emergency meeting and were then required to escort a political party from City Hall to the airport.

But on the bright side Stef made it home earlier than she'd expected. Once the plane took off she was free to leave and so they drove back to the station to pick up their cars and Stef was home almost two hours earlier than she had planned.

"Hi baby." Stef greeted Jude as she got out of her car. She hoped that he wasn't sitting out here again because he was upset.

"Hi mom." Jude replied.

"What are you doing out here?" She asked him.

"I'm waiting for Callie." He told her. "She should be home from group soon."

"Oh right." Stef said. "Who else is home?" She asked, hoping that the kids hadn't left Jude alone with Lena.

"Brandon and Jesus." Jude answered. "They're watching T.V."

"And you're out here?" Stef asked in surprise, it wasn't often that any of the kids gave up a chance to watch T.V.

"Yeah, they're watching some weird show about reptiles - not really my thing." Jude replied.

"Well, come on with me." Stef said, poking him. "We'll go get a snack and see what mama's doing."

"She's sleeping." Jude told her.

"Oh." Stef said as she pulled down the makings of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for each of them.

The two were silent for a while until Jude finally piped up.

"Can people be attracted to boys and girls?" He asked curiously.

Stef looked over at her son. Was he starting to realize that his feelings weren't like most peoples?

"Sometimes." Stef answered. "Just like some people are gay and some are straight. Some people are bisexual."

Jude was about to say something when Jesus barged into the kitchen.

"I smell food." He said.

Stef laughed, that was nothing new.

"Would you like a sandwich too young man?" She asked him and he nodded his head vigorously.

They heard the front door open, signaling Callie's arrival and within moments both her and Brandon had joined the others in the kitchen.

Stef assumed that the topic of Jude's sexuality would be shelved for the time being but was surprised when he continued his train of thought in sprite of being surrounded by his siblings.

"Does that mean that you can love a boy and a girl at the same time?" He asked.

Stef quickly looked around at the faces of her other children. She had expected them to be looking at Jude but instead they were all looking at her, obviously waiting for her answer.

"Why do you ask?" She asked him.

"No reason." Jude said with a shrug, a little too quickly though.

And just like that Stef realized that he wasn't talking about himself, he was talking about her. The kids had obviously caught on to Lena's concerns about Mike.

"Did mama say something to you?" Stef asked the kids in general.

When none of them answered she turned to her oldest daughter, knowing that she'd be the first one to tell the truth.

"She kinda freaked out this afternoon and said something about you and Mike." Callie finally admitted.

"I told her she was just imagining it, but that just seemed to make it worse." Brandon added.

"You're still with mom right?" Jude asked, his face clouded with worry.

Stef began to realize that the issue was more serious than she had originally thought. She had just assumed that Lena was feeling insecure but obviously there was some seriousness behind them if she was passing it on to the kids.

"Yes, I'm still with mom." Stef assured her son.

"Then why does she think that you're having an affair?" Jesus asked, not beating around the bush.

"Mama isn't ready for a physical relationship right now." Stef said, deciding to be honest with her kids. "She's feeling a little uncomfortable about it and I think this is her way of expressing it."

This was definitely not a comfortable conversation to be having with your children but Stef knew that they were curious and she'd rather they hear the truth than leave it up to their imaginations. She tried to be as honest as possible without giving them too many details - no kid wanted to know about their parent's sex life. But she also wanted them to feel comfortable coming to her with anything. After all, it was up to her and Lena to teach them these things.

"So you haven't done anything since the attack?" Jesus said, looking aghast.

Stef laughed at her son. "No, we haven't." She told him. "But we've gone longer than that before."

"Why?" Jesus asked, as though she'd just told him that she was moving to the dessert or something. For him, someone who had just recently discovered sex, everything basically revolved around it.

"We aren't all teenagers with raging hormones you know." Stef teased but then answered him seriously. "Things just come in the way."

"Like what?" Brandon asked.

"Like life." Stef answered. "Work, bills, kids..."

"What does that have yo do with it?" Jude asked curiously.

"Well, we need time for it, and energy and privacy." Stef told him. "That's not easy to come by with five kids." She teased. "It's not for you kids to worry about."

"But you guys are okay right?" Brandon asked.

"We're fine." Stef assured him. "Mama's just feeling a little insecure right now but she'll be okay and I promise that neither of us is having an affair with anyone."


	35. Chapter 35

The kids seemed to accept her answer. Deep down they all knew that Stef would never cheat on Lena but hearing their mom believe it upset them more than they'd like. Stef sent them all off so that she could go up and talk to Lena but while the three boys disappeared Callie hung back.

"Something on your mind Callie?" Stef asked her daughter.

Callie looked uncomfortable and it was clear to Stef that she still needed to talk about this.

"Let's go sit." Stef said as she lead Callie up to the girls' room where they wouldn't be disturbed.

Once they were both sitting on Callie's bed Stef turned to face her daughter and give her her full attention.

"What's on your mind love?" Stef asked.

"What if she's never ready?" Callie asked softly. "What if, like me, she's still not ready even after two years? How long can you wait?"

"There is more to your mom and me than just sex honey." Stef told her daughter. "I love her - everything about her and if I have to wait two years then I'll wait two years. I don't want to push her into something she's not ready for and when it's your time I hope that you find someone who won't push you into it until you are ready either. Just like we talked about."

"Do you think she'll be like me?" Callie asked.

It was clear to Stef that while Callie was asking about Lena she was looking for answers about herself - would she be able to overcome her own anxiety and was the way she was feeling normal.

"I don't think so." Stef answered honestly. She didn't want to discourage Callie but she also didn't want her to feel like there was something wrong with her if it didn't last this long for Lena.

"How come?" Callie asked.

"Mama's older." Stef said. "You were so young. You weren't ready for sex yet, even consensual. Mama's older and more experienced. She's known what sex is like with someone she loves. For you that's all you've ever known and so you're unsure to try again."

"Do you think that I'll get over it?" Callie asked, referring to herself finally.

"I think you will." Stef assured her. "Just like I said, when the time is right and the guy is right you'll take that step. For now I'm glad that you're not ready. You're only sixteen, there's no rush."

"Why does she think you'll leave her then?" Callie asked, moving the conversation back to Lena.

"I don't think that's really what she worries about." Stef said. "I think that she's just not ready but she wants to be but she's too afraid to try and she's using this as an excuse to force herself."

"But you're not letting her." Callie stated.

"No." Stef answered. "Not until she's ready."

Callie was silent for a while, obviously wondering how long it would take Lena to finally be ready. Suddenly she cringed at the image in her head.

"Is this weird?" She asked, just like a typical teenager would. "Us talking like this?"

"Not really." Stef said. "Who else is gonna explain these things to you?"

"But you're my moms." Callie said as she scrunched up her nose giving Stef a disgusted look. "I shouldn't want to know about your sex life."

"It's not like I'm describing anything." Stef said with a laugh. "Sex isn't something to be ashamed or uncomfortable about. It's private between two people yes, but it's still common, everyone does it. Every _adult _does it." She corrected herself giving Callie a pointed look, making her smile.

"I've never had a conversation like this with anyone before." Callie admitted.

"You've also never been a teenager with a mom before." Stef told her.

"True." Callie said, a big smile on her face. "I like having moms."

"And we love having you." Stef said, tapping the end of her daughter's nose playfully.

* * *

Stef finally made it to her own room but Lena wasn't in bed. She found her in the shower instead.

"Mind if I join you?" Stef asked as she stripped off her clothes, not waiting for an answer.

Lena just watched rigidly as Stef climbed into the tub with her. Stef pulled Lena to her so that she could hug her as the hot water beat down on them.

"Relax honey." Stef whispered to her wife softly. She just held Lena, keeping her hands strictly on Lena's back, until Lena finally relaxed into her embrace.

"I'm sorry." Lena whispered.

"Don't be." Stef told her as she kissed Lena's temple. "You're fine."

"I overreacted." Lena said.

"You know that there's no rush right." Stef said, pulling away from Lena so that she could look into her face.

"I do." Lena said. "I'm just afraid to try." She admitted.

"We're in no hurry." Stef reminded her. "We'll take it slow. Whenever you're ready."

"What's it going to be like?" Lena asked her wife.

"I don't know babe." Stef answered honestly. She had no idea what sex would be like for them from now on and honestly she was a little nervous about it as well but as long as it was with Lena then she was okay with anything.

"I'm not ready yet." Lena finally said.

"I know love." Stef told her, kissing her softly. "Just take your time."

Stef helped Lena shower, just like she had done the first time she was allowed to shower and then they both stepped out of the tub. Stef wrapped them both up in towels and lead Lena out to the bed. She sat Lena down, still wrapped in the towel, hair dripping, but she didn't care. She had something to say and she wanted Lena to pay attention.

Once Lena was sitting Stef stood in front of her, between her legs, placed both hands on the sides of Lena's face and forced her to look up at her.

"Lena, I love you." Stef began when Lena made eye contact with her. "I told you before and I'm telling you again - I love you and only you and I'm not having an affair with anyone, I'm not interested in doing anything with anyone else. You are the only one I want and you have absolutely nothing to worry about."

"I know." Lena murmured. "You already said that."

"But I need you to believe it." Stef interjected. "I need you to stop worrying about it. Lena, there is no one in the world I'd rather be with than you and I can wait as long as you need."

"I believe you Stef." Lena said. "I know I'm acting crazy, I don't know what's wrong with me." She looked away from her wife.

"There's nothing wrong with you." Stef assured her. "You just need to accept that this is going to take time and the more you try to rush it the worse it's going to get. And if it still keeps bothering you, you just need to talk to me about it. I'd prefer you do that than spread it onto the kids."

Lena's head snapped up instantly, concern filling her face.

"Jude basically asked me if I was bisexual and the others thought I might have sex with someone else if you didn't get over it soon enough." Stef explained.

"I'm so sorry Stef." Lena said again. "I never meant to pass that on to them."

"I know love." Stef said. "I explained it to them. They're okay."

"What did you say?" Lena asked.

Stef relayed the entire conversation with the kids. She still left out both conversations with Callie though, she didn't want to pass on Callie's insecurities to Lena just yet.

"That must have been awkward." Lena said, a slight grin on her face.

"I first thought Jude was talking about himself." Stef admitted. "I nearly died when I realized he was asking about me."

"We need to talk to Jesus though." Lena added. "He's been going through girls like they're the 31 flavors."

"Okay, we will." Stef agreed. "But not just yet. One awkward conversation a day is enough for me thank you."

* * *

Later that night Callie and Mariana were lying in their beds. Neither was asleep, both thinking about their moms. Mariana, living in a house with four other teenagers had heard about the conversation. She had been there when Lena had made her comment about Mike so she knew what she was feeling. Jesus and Callie had filled her in on their talk with Stef.

"I was kinda nervous when mama thought that mom would cheat on her." Mariana admitted as she climbed out of her own bed and into Callie's.

"Me too." Callie answered her sister, moving over to make room. "I mean, I know mom loves her and all but I just wondered what if it takes too long."

"What if it still takes too long?" Mariana asked. "What if things don't work out?"

"They will." Callie assured, though whether she was trying to convincer herself or her sister she wasn't sure.

"I remember this one time, when we first came to live here that I thought they'd split up." Mariana said. "They had a fight and mama got so mad at mom. She never really yells but she was yelling that day."

"What were they fighting about?" Callie asked curiously.

_"You promised Stef." Lena yelled. The two were in the back yard._

_"I know Lena." Stef replied. "I'm sorry, I tried."_

_"You've got custody of him." Lena reminded her._

_"That's not fair to Mike." Stef tried to reason with her wife._

_"Who cares about Mike?" Lena asked. It was unlike her to say something like that but she was upset._

_"He's B's father Lena." Stef said. "I can't just do that to him."_

_"This was supposed to be our time together." Lena said miserably. "We were going on vacation."_

_"But I didn't realize that it's Mike's weekend with B." Stef said apologetically. "I asked him if he'd switch but he already had tickets to take B to the game."_

_"Brandon doesn't even like the baseball." Lena reminded her._

_"But he wants to go with Mike." Stef said. "He misses his dad. I don't want to interrupt their time together. We'll go on vacation another time."_

_"This is the only long weekend I have until Christmas break." Lena told Stef. "I can't get another four days off in a row for months."_

_"I'm sorry Lena." Stef said again. "But I've already upset Brandon's life. He misses his dad and he's been looking forward to this for so long. I can't just change it all. I can't make him think that our plans are more important than Mikes."_

_"Everything is always about Mike." Lena said bitterly. "I hate that he still controls your life."_

_"He doesn't control my life Lena." Stef said, getting irritated. "But he is a part of B's life and that makes him a part of mine too. We wouldn't like it if he took B on a day that we had planned with him."_

_"It's not like we're asking him never to see his son again." Lena said. "All we want is for him to trade weekends."_

_"Next weekend the Padres won't be playing." Stef defended her ex-husband._

_"But Brandon..." Lena began._

_"...hates baseball." Stef finished with her. "I know, but he still wants to do it for Mike. He doesn't spend much time with him anymore and he realizes that it's important to his dad. He want's to go Lena. I can't stop him from it."_

_"Whatever." Lena said in a huff before walking back into the house._

_Little did they know that their newest addition was listening to every word from her bedroom window._

"Everyone fights." Callie said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, but this time may be different." Mariana said.

"Why?" Callie asked.

"Remember Garret?" Mariana asked and Callie nodded. "His moms split up and he said that they barely spoke to each other in the last few months that they were still together, let alone had sex. Things got really bad for them and then they got divorced."

"I remember that." Callie said. "I remember his poem, it wasn't half bad. His moms really seemed to still love each other though."

"But love wasn't enough." Mariana stated, once again planting the seed of doubt in both their minds.

Callie just shrugged - what did she know about love.

"I'm glad you're here." Mariana whispered. "I like having a sister to talk about these things with."

"Me too." Callie smiled back.

"I kinda hated you at first." Mariana admitted sheepishly.

"Me too." Callie said again, causing them both to laugh.


	36. Chapter 36

When Stef left for work the following morning Lena seemed much more relaxed. She had finally realized just how ludicrous her accusations towards Stef and Mike were and now she felt a little foolish. When she had woken up that morning Stef was still in bed and Lena had curled up close to her and held her tight. Stef had woken up smiling as she hugged Lena in return, both of them thinking that they were finally making progress.

"Bring him by for lunch." Lena said as Stef walked out the door.

"If we have the time I will." Stef promised. "I'll call and let you know."

"Okay." Lena smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too babe." Stef replied.

* * *

The kids also headed out to school though Mariana and Callie were rather quiet. Jesus was bouncing down the street, his medication hadn't kicked in yet and he was very active.

"Hey Jude." Jesus said to his younger brother. "I dare you to pick up that lizard and give it to Mariana." He said, pointing to a gecko on a tree.

"And risk my life?" Jude joked. "No thank you."

They all expected some sort of response from Mariana but the girl remained quiet as she continued to walk towards the school with her sister, neither of them even aware of what was going on around them.

"What? No comeback?" Jesus asked, pulling Mariana's ponytail.

"JESUS!" Mariana shrieked at the tug on her hair.

"That's better." Jesus said, happy that he got a rise from his sister.

"What's up with you two?" Brandon asked, noticing their somber mood.

"Nothing." Callie answered.

"Come on." Brandon said. "What's going on with you two? Did you have a fight?"

"No." Both girls answered together.

"Then what?" Brandon coaxed.

"We're just worried about moms." Mariana finally answered their brother.

"But mom said they were fine." Brandon reminded her.

"Yeah but remember Jenna and Kelly?" Mariana pointed out. "They were in love even when they had finalized their divorce."

"That's not gonna happen to moms." Jesus said firmly as he grabbed his twins hand.

"You never know." Mariana said.

Jude, becoming increasingly worried, walked up to Callie's side and leaned into her when she pulled him close.

"It's gonna be okay buddy." She whispered to him.

"But what if it's not?" Jude asked, eyes wide. "We finally got a real family, I don't want it to break."

He was on the verge of tears but being a thirteen year old boy he was trying hard to hold them in.

"You'll still have a family." Callie assured him. "You're an Adams Foster now remember."

"What about you?" Jude asked.

"She's got a family too." Mariana answered for Callie and she grabbed her big sister's hand. "She'll always have a family.

By now the four younger kids were already holding hands and so Brandon grabbed Jude's free hand and they continued towards the school. No matter what happened between their mom's they were a family and they were determined to stay that way.

* * *

"So Lena invited you for lunch." Stef said as the two headed towards their Captains office.

"She's not gonna poison me is she?" Mike teased.

"Nah." Stef answered. "She wouldn't risk her reputation as a good cook."

Mike laughed. "So what's she serving today?"

"No idea." Stef answered. "Dana's frozen meals are over so Lena'll cook something."

"How about I pick something up so she doesn't have the extra work." Mike suggested. If he was being invited over so often he wanted to contribute as well.

"No." Stef turned down his offer. "It'll keep Lena's mind busy, give her something to do."

"Gotcha." Mike said. "Desserts on me though."

"Deal." Stef smiled. "I do love the coffee cake at the bakery across from the station." She added with a smirk.

"Done." Mike laughed.

* * *

Ten minutes later the two were groaning. Captain Roberts had signed her team up for a refresher course and that meant the two were stuck playing pretend all morning and unfortunately it usually went on longer than planned.

"I don't wanna miss lunch." Stef whispered to Mike. They were sitting at desks while a video was being shown, informing them of what to do during emergencies.

"We won't." Mike whispered back. They were like two high-schoolers stuck in class.

"Have you never been to one of these before?" Stef asked with a roll of her eyes.

"We'll make it for lunch." Mike assured her before turning his attention back to the screen. "What is this crap anyways?"

"I wonder if they show the criminals these slides as well, so that they know just how they are supposed to act while they are trying to get away from us."

Mike grinned at her at the thought. There was no correct way to deal with these situations. Every one of them was different and at the end of the day every cop knew that they had to play it by ear. These courses were just a waste of everyones time.

* * *

True to his word Mike had himself and Stef out of the class by the time they had to leave for lunch.

"I cannot believe you did that." Stef said laughing as the two made their way down the corridor.

"I got you out didn't I?" Mike said

"By asking our son to call and say he got into trouble at school." Stef laughed. "What kind of lesson are we teaching him."

"That there are ways to get out of a boring situation." Mike answered with a shrug.

Stef punched him in the arm playfully.

"You wanna make it to your wife for lunch of not? Mike asked.

"Let's go." Stef said willingly.

"We'll stop and grab the cake on the way." Mike said. "And I'm driving." He added, quickly plucking the car keys off Stef's desk before she could reach for it.


	37. Chapter 37

"So how did you get her to let you drive?" Lena asked with a smirk. It was a known fact that if Stef was in the car she preferred to be the one behind the wheel.

The three of them were sitting at the dining room table instead of in the kitchen for a change, grilled chicken with asparagus and potatoes in front of them, while Lena did most of the talking.

"Stef drove all morning." Mike shrugged. "Just gave her a break."

Stef looked curiously at Mike before adding. "He basically stole the keys off my desk before I could stop him."

Lena chuckled along with Stef but Mike just gave an awkward smile.

The conversation continued in this awkward way through lunch with Lena and Stef talking and Mike basically adding very uninteresting tidbits here and there. Stef continued to talk as Lena's face also began to turn into a scowl as she constantly glanced at Mike.

Finally, lunch was over and Lena got up and headed into the kitchen to get the cake and as she was taking it out of the box and placing it on a cake tray a pair of arms wrapped around her, pulling her back into a hug.

"You've really mastered the art of that scowl there babe." Stef joked as she kissed Lena's cheek.

Lena shrugged away from Stef's hold and turned around to face her wife.

"Did you tell Mike about my..." Lena trailed off, embarrassed to even voice her accusations.

Stef's opened her mouth to respond but couldn't think of what to say and that was enough for Lena to get an answer.

"Why would you tell him?" She asked miserably.

"I didn't _tell_ him." Stef defended. "He sort of figured it out."

"How?" Lena asked. How could he possibly just 'figure it out' unless Stef had implied it in some way.

"He kind of got it from our conversation that day." Stef answered. "He was with me in the car. He was only kidding but he said it was a good thing I was gay or you'd be upset that we were together all day."

"So you admitted it?" Lena said with a sigh.

"I didn't mean to honey, I'm sorry." Stef tried to pull Lena back towards her.

"You should have warned me." Lena said.

"I didn't know he'd act like this honey." Stef said. "I think he's just trying to make you feel comfortable."

"Comfortable? When I know he knows how ridiculous I was?" Lena asked, wide eyed. "Besides you should have told me anyways."

"I'm sorry baby." Stef said. "I didn't want to upset you. We were finally past this and I didn't want to bring it up again. I'll talk to Mike, he'll go back to normal."

Lena could see the pain in Stef's eyes, she was trying so hard to do the right thing by Lena and Lena realized she was being too hard on her. Stef had been so good to her and do everything for her - it was only fair that she had someone to help her as well - god knows that she herself hadn't been doing that lately. Lena finally reached out and pulled Stef towards her, holding her tight, silently letting her know that she was forgiven.

* * *

"I think you might be right about moms." Brandon said, as he took a seat beside Callie during lunch.

"What do you mean?" Callie asked with a frown.

Brandon showed Callie the text he had received from his father.

_B, call mom or me to say that you were called into the principals office. We need an escape from this torture._

"What do you think they're up to?" Callie asked her brother.

"I don't know." Brandon answered honestly. "But I think until we know for sure we should keep it a secret from Lena."

"Yeah." Callie agreed. "She's been through enough."

The two began eating in silence, both thinking about what would happen if their mom was having an affair and their family broke up.

"You know, it won't change how they feel about you." Brandon suddenly said, remembering Jude's fear on their way to school.

Callie looked up at him, unconvinced. "Good thing at least Robert wants me. At least I won't go back into the system."

"You won't go anywhere." Brandon said firmly, hoping to convince his sister. "I won't let you." He added.

Callie smiled at him gratefully. She knew that Brandon still had feelings for her, it was clear when they kissed after the fundraiser but Callie had come to her senses and eventually pushed him away. She didn't love him, not like that. She wanted him as a brother and nothing more. But that didn't stop the way he felt about her. Though he was a good guy and made sure his feelings were kept in check.

"I hope not." She said honestly as she tried to give him a sincere smile.

* * *

The two oldest children had kept the text to themselves, deciding not to worry the younger kids either. They hoped to find out the truth about what his parents were up to but until they did, they weren't going to spread rumors. Instead they smiled and talked about random stuff the moment the twins joined them. Ever since the attack the four older kids, who had their lunch break at the same time, sat together. They still needed the security of being in a group and with each other. Jude, unfortunately had his break an hour before theirs and so wasn't able to join them but he always assured his siblings that Conner never left his side, regardless of what his father thought.

"I have to go to Kaitlyn's house at five for practice." Mariana told Brandon. "We have a meet on Friday against the public school and we need all the practice we can get. You think you could drop me and pick me up?" She asked.

Normally, anyone needed Brandon to drive them somewhere would have had to beg and plead and bribe to get his services but they all knew that right now Brandon wouldn't let Mariana go alone even if she'd wanted to.

"Sure." Brandon said, shrugging like it was no big deal.

"I'll come alone for the ride." Jesus smiled.

"I'll stay home with mama." Callie said. "No reason to leave her home alone longer than we need to."

All the kids smiled at each other. They had found a routine in this mess and took comfort in knowing that they had each other's backs. It was definitely reassuring, especially since they weren't sure what their family would be like in a while.


	38. Chapter 38

At a quarter to five Brandon drove Mariana to Kaitlyn's house and Jesus tagged along for the ride while Callie and Jude stayed at the house. Lena and Jude were putting the final touches on all the animals for Jude's project as he had to had it in the next day. Callie offered to start on dinner. She was going to try making Thai curry for a change and was busy in the kitchen, pouring over recipes on the internet.

Brandon drove down the street with Jesus beside him and Mariana in the back. So far the ride had been quiet save for the odd groan from Jesus each time his phone beeped.

"I don't want my own room." Mariana spoke up just a couple of minutes before they reached their destination.

"What are you talking about?" Jesus asked, slightly distracted.

"When Callie was sent to Girl's United, I hated having my own room again." Mariana said. "I don't want that to happen again."

"It won't." Brandon said fiercely.

"You can't promise that." Mariana shot back.

"Look, moms love us okay. No matter what happens between them we're still their kids." Brandon said. "Look at my mom and dad. They got divorced but they still love me."

"You're their kid." Mariana said.

"So are you." Brandon said as he pulled up to Kaitlyn's house.

"I know, but Callie isn't." Mariana said. "Who do you think will be the first to go?" Mariana asked bitterly right before she hopped out of the car and darted for the the door leaving Brandon and Jesus behind.

* * *

"She has a point." Jesus said.

"No she doesn't" Brandon tied to deny it angrily.

"Look, I'm not saying that they want to send anyone away or that they _are. _I'm just saying that Callie's not adopted yet so if they do _have_ to send anyone away it'll be her first and then Mariana, Jude and I. You're Stef's kid and you'll always be her kid."

"You will always be her kid too." Brandon shot back.

"Maybe, but I haven't always _been _her kid." Jesus said.

Both boys were silent for the rest of the ride back home.

* * *

When they got home Callie was busy with her curry and Lena was sitting at the kitchen table dicing chicken.

"Hi boys." Lena smiled at them.

"Hi mom." They both said in unison.

"Where were you two?" She asked.

"I drove Mariana to Kaitlyn's house for practice." Brandon explained. "Jesus came along for the ride."

"That was nice of you." Lena said with a smile. "What time is she coming home?"

"I gotta pick her up at six-thirty." Brandon answered.

"Good thing we're making lots of curry." Lena smiled at Callie. "She's gonna be hungry after dancing for an hour and a half."

"I just hope everyone likes it." Callie said. "I've never made it before."

"I'm sure it's going to be delicious." Lena assured her daughter.

"Yeah?" Callie asked.

"Yeah." Lena said. "Thai curry is always delicious."

"You've had it before?" Jesus asked.

"Yes, Gretchen and I used to go to this little asian restaurant in Paris that wasn't far from our apartment." Lena told her kids.

"What else did you guys eat?" Callie asked, exotic foods were catching her fancy.

"Thai, Indian, Chinese." Lena said.

"We have Chinese here." Jesus said with a smile, recognizing one.

"Yes, but authentic Chinese food is different from what we get." Lena said.

"It sounds like you guys had an amazing time." Brandon said.

"It was an experience." Lena admitted. "I got to see so much of the world. My parents were always traveling and then Gretchen and I traveled a lot as well. Though her much more than me. She's been almost everywhere."

"Do you miss that life?" Callie asked.

"Not one bit." Lena said. "I always wanted to settle down and have a wife and family. I would love to travel with mom someday but if I had to choose, I'd definitely pick her over the world."

All three kids shot each other worried looks - even Lena would be devastated if Stef left her. But Lena was still dicing the chicken so she didn't notice.

* * *

"So I hear you got into trouble at school" Lena said. The whole family was sitting down to dinner and after the first ten minutes of trying the curry and assuring Callie that it was delicious and praising her, the conversation moved on.

"You did?" Mariana asked shocked, Brandon rarely got into trouble, excluding the fake ID incident.

"No." Brandon said quickly, looking worriedly at Lena.

"Then why did the principal ask to see your parents?" Lena asked with a smirk on her face.

Suddenly Brandon realized what she was talking about. "You know about that?" He asked in surprise as he looked over at Callie, both of them confused.

"Yes, they told me at lunch." Lena said laughing at Stef.

"They?" Callie asked. She was the only one besides Brandon who knew what the conversation was about, the other three were just listening, completely confused.

"Mom and Mike." Lena said. "They came over for lunch."

"Oh." Callie said, once again looking at Brandon.

"What are you guys talking about?" Jesus finally asked.

"Nothing." Callie and Brandon said before their mom's could explain.

"So did you get into trouble or not?" Mariana asked, though her curiosity about that had diminished slightly after hearing that Mike had lunch with her moms.

"I didn't." Brandon confirmed. "Dad just asked me to pretend."

"Why?" All three younger kids asked together - why would a parent want their kid to pretend to be in trouble?

"We were stuck in a class and mama was expecting us for lunch." Stef explained, grinning. "We needed an escape."

"Why did you think I wouldn't know?" Lena asked Brandon.

"No reason." Brandon said but he once again looked to Callie and they both shrugged slightly.

Stef caught the look between them.

"Callie?" She asked.

"You were with Mike." Callie whispered, under the intense gaze of her mother.

Stef sighed. "We're back to this again?" She rolled her eyes and glared at Lena.

"Guys, I'm sorry for what I said about Mike." Lena said. "I was wrong, mom isn't cheating on me. She and Mike are just friends. We love each other and we're going to be fine."

"Mama was just having a bad day." Stef added.

"Mom's right." Lena agreed. "I was just a little frustrated with myself and I got irrational. I never meant to pass it on to you guys. We love you so much and we love each other." Lena grabbed Stef's hand and held it tight.

"Babies, mama and I are absolutely fine. You need to stop worrying about this." Stef said.

"But Jenna and Kelly weren't." Mariana said.

"We are not Jenna and Kelly." Stef pointed out.

"Honey, Jenna and Kelly had problems for a long time." Lena tried to explain.

"But they weren't having sex." Mariana said softly causing Stef to roll her eyes.

"What makes you think that?" Lena asked. She knew it was true but she wanted to know how Mariana knew that.

"Garret told me." Mariana answered.

"Well, even if it is true, their problems didn't stem from their lack of sex." Lena said. "If anything, it was probably the other way around."

"Our physical relationship is of no concern of yours." Stef said firmly. "I promise you that whether mama and I have sex or not we are fine and nobody is going anywhere."

Five pairs of eyes glanced quickly at each other prompting Stef to continue.

"That includes all of you." Stef said.

"You are our babies." Lena said. "And even _if_ something were to happen between mom and I you would still be our kids and nothing would change our love for you."

"You are legally ours." Stef added. "That means that in the eyes of the law we would be help responsible for abandoning you just as much as we would be if we abandoned Brandon. The fact that you are adopted has absolutely no value here. Your birth certificates say that you are ours and that's all that the law sees."

Stef watched as relief filled her kids faces before all eyes turned to a pale-faced Callie.

"Honey, you are just as much our daughter as the rest of them." Stef said. "You may not be legally ours but no one can ever change how much we love you. Robert isn't signing those papers but he can't stop all of us from considering you our daughter. If we have to, we'll wait until you're eighteen and then absolutely no one can tell you what to do or where to go. You are ours for the rest of your life."

Callie looked at Stef, trying to believe what she was saying.

"You're stuck with us kid." Stef said, smiling, trying to ease her mind.

Callie finally smiled back and Stef tapped the end of her nose playfully.

"Alright, do any of you still have concerns?" Lena asked, looking around at each child.

The five kids shook their heads.

"It's okay if you do." Lena added. "We'll talk through them and clear them up."

"We don't." Brandon answered for all of them.

"Alright, but if something does come up, you come to us okay." Stef added. "NO ONE is keeping secrets anymore." Stef said looking pointedly at Lena, receiving a grin in return.

"Mom's right." Lena said. "If something is bothering any of us we need to talk about it - that's the only way to avoid these kinds of misunderstandings."

* * *

"I never realized just now much of an impact my thoughts had on the kids." Lena said. She and Stef were doing the dishes and had sent the kids upstairs to do homework. "They should know by now that nothing can change our love for them."

"They've been abandoned before, by people who claimed to love them." Stef pointed out.

"But we've never given them any reason to doubt us." Lena cribbed.

"Old habits die hard honey." Stef said. "They're drawing results from other incidents."

"When Mariana brought up Kelly and Jenna I was stunned." Lena said. "I remember being shocked myself when she told me they were splitting up. I just didn't see it coming."

"That's probably what worries the kids." Stef said. "That they won't see it coming."

"It's not coming." Lena said firmly.

"No, it's not." Stef said, putting down the dish she was drying and reaching for Lena.


	39. Chapter 39

The following morning Jude was up early knocking on his moms' door. He barely waited for a groggy 'come in' before opening the door and charging towards Lena like a little bullet.

"What's wrong buddy?" Both Stef and Lena asked.

"How am I gonna get them to school?" Jude asked, pulling the comforter off Lena so he could pull her out of bed.

"What?" Lena asked in confusion as she tried to wake herself up properly.

"The animals." Jude said like she was just supposed to know. "If I put them in my backpack they'll get ruined."

"Right." Lena said, thinking of a solution. "Um... why don't you go get showered and we'll think of something okay?" She said, buying herself some time.

"Okay." Jude said. He had complete faith that his mom would figure this out for him.

Once Jude was gone Lena turned to Stef and the two just looked at each other bewildered but smiles slowly spread on both their faces until they were both laughing hysterically, loving the fact that their son was finally worrying about such trivial problems instead of where his next meal would come from or where he'd sleep that night.

"You'd better go figure this out." Stef said, still laughing, as she pushed Lena out of bed.

"How am I going to get fifteen model animals to school?" Lena asked as she reluctantly climbed out of bed and headed towards the bathroom.

"Don't look at me. You're the brains remember." Stef teased. "I'm just the brawn."

"Brawn huh?" Lena asked, turning around just before entering the bathroom.

"Hey now, you gotta admit it." Stef said, flexing her muscles at her wife.

"All brawn baby." Lena laughed as she went to brush her teeth.

Less than a minute later Lena was rushing back into the room in much the same was Jude had just minutes before.

"I got it." She said, a smile on her face. "We'll empty one of the old storage boxes for the day and put the animals in that."

"See, brains." Stef said, pecking her wife on the lips.

* * *

Stef was down at breakfast with her older four while Lena and Jude were busy arranging the animals into a large plastic storage tub that Stef had dug out of the crawlspace and emptied on their bedroom floor.

"I've never seen Jude this excited about a school project before." Callie said over her bite of sausages.

"He really has been obsessed with it." Mariana said. "I accidentally threw a yogurt tub into the recycling and he nearly bit my head of."

"He's happy." Stef said. "And it's really been good for mama too."

"Yeah, they've talked about nothing else for days." Jesus said. "Those animals are the last thing he talks about at night and the first thing in the morning."

"It's nice to see him happy." Stef smiled. "I remember the first time he had to do a school project in this house. He was paired with Conner and he was so nervous to come and ask if it was okay for Conner to come over."

"I never knew that." Callie said. "When was this?"

"About a month after you came to live here." Stef said.

"And he asked you anyways?" Callie asked in surprise.

"He did." Stef said, obviously thrilled about the fact.

* * *

Ten minutes later Lena and Jude finally made an appearance. Lena was holding the box as they came down the stairs. Part of their assignment was to list all the recyclable items used and Jude was proudly clutching a list of almost a hundred items.

"Thanks for helping me with my project mom." He said smiling, not putting his folder down.

"Any time baby." Lena smiled at him. "I loved spending that time with you."

"So did I." Jude said, picking up the box and heading to the door.

"Hey, breakfast." Stef called after him but he was already gone.

"I'll take him a yogurt." Callie said, grabbing one from the fridge to take for her brother.

"Just make sure you don't chuck the tub." Mariana teased as the rest of the kids headed out the door.

"That boy really has a special place in your heart." Stef said, noticing the smile that was still spread on Lena's face.

"Honestly, I feel like he's a part of me." Lena admitted. "I don't think he could be more like me if he was mine biologically. It's how Callie is with you."

"It is." Stef agreed.

"I'm glad they're here. They belong here, with us." Lena said as Stef wrapped her arms around her wife and kissed her.

"And that's where they're going to stay." Stef assured her.


	40. Chapter 40

Stef stopped by Anchor Beach two hours before school ended to pick Callie up before heading towards the house to get Lena. Callie had her first appointment with Doctor Paige Bennett and she was dreading it completely. Lena had assured her time and time again that Paige was a lovely woman and it hardly seemed like talking to a doctor at all, more like talking to a friend instead, but still the thought upset Callie.

"Mama is going to have her appointment first and I'm going to be in with her so you'll be out in the waiting room by yourself, are you okay with that?" Stef asked Callie.

Callie nodded silently.

"You can do your homework and get it out of the way." Stef suggested, hoping it would get her daughter's mind off her unease.

Once again Callie just nodded.

"After mama's appointment it'll be your turn. We can come in with you if you'd like or you can go in alone." Stef said, looking at Callie to judge her reaction but the girl's expression remained blank. "It's up to you honey, whatever you want is fine with us."

Callie nodded for a third time without making a sound.

Stef sighed. She knew that Callie didn't like the idea of going to a therapist but she also knew that she couldn't just allow Callie to continue burying her feelings and fears forever. Eventually she was going to burst and Stef hoped to lessen that explosion. Callie had done things on her own most of her life and she had grown used to it and in a way even grown to prefer it and though Stef and Lena had tried hard to get her to let them in she was still closed off to them about a major part of her life. Stef hoped that a professional stranger could help Callie open up a little more.

"You know we're only trying to help you right?" Stef asked Callie, knowing she wouldn't get a verbal answer.

Callie's fourth nod confirmed Stef's thoughts.

"Three turns." Stef said, finally getting the girl to look at her. "Three turns, and then if you still don't like it you can stop." She said, giving Callie an olive branch.

Callie nodded one more time but this time there was a hint of a smile on her face.

"But you have to really try." Stef added. "You have to make these three turns count and only then make a decision." Her voice was soft and kind but her tone was firm.

"I'll try." Callie whispered so softly that Stef wondered if she'd imagined it.

"That's my girl." Stef said, taking Callie's hand and giving it a squeeze.

* * *

Stef made sure Callie was situated comfortably in the waiting room of the doctor's office before following Lena into the room.

"Nice to see you again Lena." Paige said smiling.

"Hi doctor." Lena said, a sincere smile on her face.

"How have things been this past week?" Paige asked.

"Pretty good actually." Lena said, looking to Stef for affirmation.

"That's great." Paige smiled. "Any nightmares, fears, hurdles?" She asked.

"Actually no." Lena said. "We sleep with the light off again and I'm okay staying home alone while Stef is at work."

"That's a lot of progress." Paige assured her. "Any drawbacks?"

"Stef has to work the night shift on Friday." Lena said. "I'm not sure about that."

"Okay." Paige said, writing it down on her notepad. "What exactly are you afraid of?" She asked.

"Well, I'll be home alone without her for the first time at night." Lena admitted. "And she'll be out there. I just don't want anything to happen."

Paige turned to Stef. "How important is this commitment?" She asked the blonde.

"Almost every officer is called in." Stef told her. "The Vice-President is giving a speech and we're called in for security."

"She has to go." Lena said, her tone resigned.

"Okay, well what can she do to help you through it?" Paige asked.

"What do you mean?" Stef and Lena asked together.

"Well, she could call you every hour or so." Paige suggested. "Though that may need to be flexible, if she is busy at the moment. Another adult could come and stay at the house with you to help you if you get anxious, that way your kids aren't left responsible."

"That's a great idea." Stef quickly added, giving Lena a look.

"I agree." Lena said, she definitely didn't want to pass any more fears onto her children.

"We'll ask Jenna." Stef suggested. "She's been asking to come by, it'll give her a chance to see you as well."

Lena agreed though just the thought of an evening with Jenna brought back the images of that night.

"Okay, so we have a plan." Paige said. "Remember though, Stef may not be able to answer every call or call you on the dot of every hour."

"I get it." Lena said.

"Any other hitches?" Paige asked.

"Well, there was one." Stef said cautiously, hoping that Lena wouldn't mind her sharing.

"Okay." Paige said, sensing that this was a difficult topic.

"Well we haven't gotten physical since the attack." Stef began and Paige nodded in understanding. "But Lena sort of panicked and worried that if she didn't get over it quick enough then I'd move on... or rather, move back to my ex-husband."

"It's normal to feel apprehensive about sex after something like this." Paige assured Lena. "But take your time. It's something to enjoy and if you're not enjoying yourself then it's really not worth it."

"I realized I was being irrational." Lena admitted.

"Are you sure?" Paige asked. "If you're at all doubtful, you need to talk to Stef about it."

Stef looked worriedly at Lena, hoping that Lena wasn't just pretending to be fine.

"No, I know I was just acting crazy." Lena assured them.

"You're not crazy love." Stef assured Lena.

"Okay so you seem to be passed that." Paige observed.

"That's actually not the problem." Stef said.

Paige looked between the two women for an explanation.

"Lena passed on that fear to all our kids and they were pretty convinced that I was going to cheat on Lena." Stef explained. "And three of our kids are adopted and one is technically still a foster child and they became worried that if Lena and I split up then they'd get sent away."

"How do they feel now?" Paige asked, concerned.

"We talked to them." Stef said. "Assured them that we weren't going anywhere and neither were they. I think they believe us. Except maybe Callie. She's our foster daughter, the one outside who's coming to see you next. I don't think she's completely convinced."

"Are you planning to adopt her?" Paige asked.

"We've been trying for about six months and we came pretty close but her biological father won't terminate his rights."

"But you want to." Paige asked.

"Absolutely." Both women said in unison.

"Okay, I'll talk to her about it and try and figure out what's going through her mind but otherwise just continue to assure them that you're a family, do things together, maybe spend a day together or go on a weekend holiday or something. Most importantly, keep your normal routine, show them that things haven't changed and their life is still the same."

Stef and Lena nodded. They could do that.

"Back to the original problem though." Paige said, bringing the conversation back to Lena. "Have you thought about sex yet?"

"Not really." Lena admitted. "I've wondered how'd I'd react and whether or not it would ever be the same but I haven't actually thought about sex."

"Okay." Paige said, showing no judgement. "Do you feel pressured in any way? No by yourself but from someone else, Stef, your kids, anyone?"

"No." Lena said quickly. "Stef has been great."

Stef gave Lena a smile, assuring her once again that she would wait as long as Lena needed.

"Take it slow." Paige suggested. "There's no rush. Do what makes you comfortable." She then turned to Stef, giving her some tips. "Whenever she is ready to try make sure that she can see your face, tell her everything you're going to do before you do it and as far as possible give her moving space."

Lena nodded, thinking that all the things the doctor had said already made the thought of sex not so terrifying.

"I can do that." Stef said.

* * *

Soon their hour was up and the doctor was pleased with Lena's progress. She said that Lena wouldn't need more than a couple more sessions but she's always available if Lena still needed to talk. Now Paige was sitting with Callie in front of her. Stef, Lena and Paige had asked her if she'd like her moms to stay with her but Callie had shook her head adamantly and Stef and Lena had reluctantly left their daughter alone with the doctor.

"She's shutting us out again." Lena said miserably to Stef.

"I think she's just insecure." Stef said. "She's protecting herself, or at least she thinks she is."

"From what?" Lena asked.

"From everything crashing down on her." Stef said. "So far Robert hasn't insisted on it but he could demand that Callie goes to live with him and there's not much we can do about it."

"We'll fight for her and in just over a year she'll be eighteen and he can't stop her from anything." Lena said.

"Yes, but until then she's still sort of drifting." Stef said. "And now with her fear about us she probably feels more insecure."

"I'm sorry about that." Lena said, frustrated with herself for putting her family through that.

"No honey, it's okay." Stef said. "We'll show her that she's safe. We'll show them all."

Lena nodded as she grabbed Stef's hand and held on tight, drawing strength from the blond.

They continued talking about their daughter and eventually Stef tells her about her conversations with Callie about sex and her failed attempt at sex with Wyatt.


	41. Chapter 41

Meanwhile Paige was trying to get Callie to talk but so far Callie would only answer the doctor's questions with the bare minimum, without giving too many details. She didn't really want to be here but she'd promised Stef she'd try so instead of sitting silent she answered the doctor in as few words as possible.

"Honey, we just want to help you." Paige said gently, sensing the girl's discomfort.

"I know." Callie said. "I'm fine."

"Okay, let's talk about your mom then." Paige suggested, hoping that talking about what happened to Lena would help Callie open up.

"What about it?" Callie asked.

"Well, how do you feel about it?" Paige asked.

Callie shrugged. "I'm fine." She said once again.

"You're fine even though your mother was attacked and hurt?" Paige questioned.

Callie couldn't agree to that so she shrugged again.

"So what were you feeling?" Paige asked. "Anger? Fear?" She offered.

"Sad I guess." Callie replied.

"Sad?" Paige asked.

"I was angry and scared but I was also sad because I know..." But she trailed off the moment she realized what she'd been about to say.

"...Because you know what she's feeling?" Paige asked knowingly.

Callie nodded slightly.

"Did this remind you a lot of what happened to you?" Paige asked

"Kind of." Callie admitted. "I thought I was over it but I could feel hear fear and her anger."

"You never really dealt with it yourself." Paige pointed out.

"That's what my mom said." Callie told her. "She said I'd just buried it and it would resurface if I didn't deal with it."

"She's right." Paige said. "Do you feel comfortable talking to your mom?" She asked.

"I guess." Callie answered. "I've never really talked to anyone about this kind of thing before though so I don't know."

"About the rape or just sex in general?" Paige asked.

"Both." Callie answered. "We had sexed in school and the rest I learned off the internet like most things these days. When I got my first period it was actually a male teacher that told me what I needed to do. He had his wife bring me some pads and help me. My foster parents weren't exactly paying any attention."

"That must have been hard." Paige said.

Callie shrugged. "I lived." She said.

"What made you talk to your mom this time?" Paige asked.

Callie was silent for a moment but soon found herself opening up to Paige more. She told her about trying to have sex with Wyatt and how she'd freaked out and how she'd continued to freak out if she was alone or in a crowded place. She told Paige about Liam and the trial and how much pain she'd been in. As she spoke she realized that Lena had been right - talking to Paige didn't feel like talking to a shrink but instead a friend and she said as much to Paige.

"Sometimes it's a lot easier to talk to someone you don't know." Paige answered with a smile.

"I kinda thought you'd call me crazy and dope me up on drugs or something." Callie admitted shyly.

Paige laughed. "No, you'd be surprised to know that just talking actually does solve a lot of problems. When you talk about it you're able to see it more rationally and it doesn't seem so big anymore."

Paige waited a moment to see if Callie had anything to say but when the girl remained silent she continued.

"I know your mom's would love for you to talk to them." Paige continued. "They want you to be happy and they'd do anything to help you."

"I know." Callie answered.

"I also know that they'd rather you wait a few more years before having sex but no one can really stop you so here are some things you can do to help ease through it. Talk to your partner, tell him what makes you comfortable, have him tell you what he's going to do before he does it and stop him if something doesn't feel right." Paige continued to tell Callie almost the same things she told Lena and encouraged her to wait until she was really ready to take that step.

"You're still so young and you've been through so much." Paige said.

"How much about me have they told you exactly?" Callie asked curiously.

"Enough to know just how brave and strong you are." Paige answered. "How you've been put through so many hard times but you've survived. You fought through and got your brother through unharmed as well. That's admirable, you're so young but you've achieved so much. It's been an honor to meet you. You're proof that if you stick it out then you can make it through."

"But I'm not through yet." Callie denied.

"What do you mean" Paige asked.

"I'm still Callie Jacob but I want to be Callie Adams Foster and it doesn't look like that's going to happen at all now."

"That's not the important part Callie." Paige told her. "What's important is that you did it - you got through it all, basically on your own. That's amazing but you now have people to help you, to lean on and to let pick up some of the slack. Your next hurdle to get over is to learn to let them in. Learn to let them help you just like you learned how to survive. That's just as hard but I know you can do it. Whatever's on paper isn't important, at the end of the day the people who matter are the ones in your heart.

* * *

Callie's session was finally over and they were all home. School was long over by then tough only Jesus and Jude were at home. Callie went straight up to her room while the moms headed towards the living room.

"Hi boys." Stef greeted them as they entered the living room.

"Hi." They both replied, not looking up from the T.V. screen.

"Where are Brandon and Mariana?" Lena asked.

"Brandon drove Mariana to the mall and then when to band practice. They said they'd both be home before dinner." Jude answered his mom just as Jesus' phone began to ring.

"Aren't you gonna get that bud?" Stef asked Jesus.

But Jesus shook his head. "It's not important." He said.

"You haven't even looked at who's calling yet." Stef noticed.

"It's Hayley." Jude answered for Jesus, receiving a dirty glare from his brother.

"Is something going on?" Lena asked concerned.

"No." Jesus answered. "She wanted me to go to the mall with the dance girls but I didn't want to so now she's mad." He told his mom.

"Okay." Stef said, not fully convinced. She shared a look with Lena and they both silently agreed that they needed to talk to their son sometime soon.

* * *

Stef was upstairs showering while Lena went to talk to Callie.

"How did it go today?" She asked her daughter.

"Not bad." Callie admitted with a guilty grin.

"She's nice isn't she?" Lena answered.

"She is." Callie agreed. "She was easy to talk to."

"I know." Lena said. "I was nervous at first too but she's not so scary."

"No she isn't." Callie laughed.

"So we're going back next week?" Lena asked cautiously.

"Yeah." Callie said. "Besides mom already ordered me to go at least three turns." Callie watched as Lena's face turned into a frown and quickly added. "She just meant that I had to give it at least three turns before I could shut it down." She amended. "But I don't think it's so bad."

"Good." Lena said. "Mom was right about giving it a real try but I don't want you to feel like we're overpowering you on this."

"No, I know you're just trying to help me." Callie assured her mother. "I think you guys were right this time."

"This time?" Lena teased in mock surprise extracting a giggle from Callie. "Better not let your mom know that she was right though, she'll hold that over your head for the rest of your life." Lena teased her daughter.


	42. Chapter 42

Thursday after school Jesus came home in a huff, slamming the front door as he entered and threw his backpack on the bench by the stairs before heading into the living room where Lena was reading a book.

"What's wrong baby?" Lena asked, putting her book down and sitting up so Jesus could take a seat beside her.

"Girls." Jesus grumbled, putting his feet up on the coffee table.

"Something happening with Hayley?" Lena enquired.

"Yeah, she wouldn't talk to me because I didn't want to go to the mall with the dance team girls yesterday. I mean, I would have been the only guy there, what was I supposed to do." Jesus asked.

"No, you were right, you didn't have to go if you didn't want to." Lena assured her son.

"But it gets worse." Jesus continued. "She wouldn't talk to me and for a while I tried to apologize but when she kept ignoring me I just left her alone and she got mad about that. She said that I never paid any attention to her."

"Honey, I really think you and Hayley need to take a break." Lena said carefully, hoping to talk to her son without upsetting him.

"She's not always like this." Jesus said. "Usually she's really nice and fun."

"But honey, lately you've been on edge about her a lot." Lena pointed out. "You're suppose to be dating, not looking after her all the time."

"Isn't that what a good boyfriend does?" Jesus questioned.

"Yes, but not to this extent and definitely not at your age." Lena said. "I honestly think that Hayley needs more help than you can give her."

"So I'm just supposed to break up with her?" Jesus asked. He was getting a little upset but at the same time the though seemed to relieve him as well.

"Are you happy with her?" Lena turned the question to him.

"I guess." Jesus answered uncertainly.

"Are you happy with her like you were happy with Lexi or Emma?" Lena asked.

"No." Jesus said. "Lexi was the best and Emma was great too, a bit bossy but still fun to hang out with."

"And how do you feel when you're with Hayley?" Lena asked.

Jesus thought about it for a second before answering his mother honestly. "Well sometimes she's so much fun and we laugh and talk but most times I'm always wondering when she's going to freak out on me."

"Sweetheart, I'm not telling you to end it with her if that's not what you want, and the fact that you want to help her makes me so proud but I do suggest that you talk to her and tell her that you guys need to take a step back from each other, spend some time doing your own things and when you are together don't get physical." Lena suggested. "And if at all you feel like you're in over your head or you can't handle something you are always free to come to use, you know that right?" She asked.

Jesus nodded before leaning in to hug his mom.

* * *

Lena felt better after talking to Jesus, thinking that their conversation had gone better than she'd expected, but the relief didn't last long for the moment Mariana came home she went in search of Jesus and the two started arguing.

"This is why I wish you'd stay away from my friends." Mariana was yelling at her twin.

"I can't help that she drags you into everything." Jesus defended himself.

"Why did you have to hook up with her in the first place?" Mariana asked. "Now she keeps asking me why you're avoiding her and if you're having sex with someone else. Honestly, I don't want to be involved in your drama and I _definitely_ don't want to talk about your sex life with anyone."

"Then tell her you don't know anything." Jesus said.

"I did, she doesn't believe me." Mariana told him. "She thinks I'm covering for you or something. Look, just talk to her or whatever, tell her not to involve me in this. I'm having a hard enough time with the dance girls without you making it worse for me."

"Fine, I'll talk to her." Jesus said.

Lena had heard the entire conversation and though she didn't intervene she began to realize that the situation was more serious than the kids were letting on. She decided to talk to Stef first and then talk to the kids together.

* * *

Stef came home in an extremely good mood. They had been called into a domestic abuse case and had arrested the husband on the spot. The wife had admitted to her husbands battery without trying to cover it up, like many women did and their two children seemed to have come out of it all unharmed. Stef loved cases like this where people stood up for themselves and their children. Both kids had been so brave and reminded Stef of her twins when she'd first met them though these kids were a little younger.

"Good evening loves." Stef said as she entered the kitchen and pulled out a beer from the fridge.

"Hi honey." Lena said, chopping up a head of lettuce for the salad. "How was work."

"Good." Stef said. "We rescued a woman and her two children from her abusive husband and she didn't try to cover for him." She said, taking a swig of beer and then suddenly stopping to judge Lena's reaction. She hadn't thought about how Lena would feel, talking about violence.

But Lena was smiling at Stef. "That's good." She said. "You usually complain that they deny that they are being hit. Are the kids hurt?" She asked, always concerned about the children.

"No." Stef said. "The mom said that he never laid a finger on them."

"They're lucky." Lena said. "I wish our kids had been that lucky."

"Me too love." Stef said, giving Lena a kiss and wrapping her arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

"Speaking of our kids, we need to talk about the twins." Lena said.

"What's wrong with them?" Stef asked.

"Jesus is having trouble with Hayley like you said and Mariana seems to be getting dragged into it." Lena told her wife. "And Mariana also seems to be having a difficult time on the dance team."

"Is she not enjoying dancing?" Stef asked.

"I don't think it's the actual dancing so much as the girls on the team." Lena said.

"Okay love, we'll talk to them after dinner. What are we having by the way? I'm starving." Stef said.

"Grilled Salmon and a Shrimp Salad." Lena answered.

"Can't wait." Stef said. "I'm gonna go shower and change and then we'll eat."

"Okay." Lena said. "I'll get the kids together."

* * *

After dinner the moms sent Brandon, Callie and Jude upstairs and asked the twins to help with cleanup. They wanted to talk to them hoped to help solve both their problems.

"So mama told me what happened with Hayley." Stef began as she handed Lena the dishes to rinse out.

"She's been messaging me all evening." Jesus said. "I don't reply to every message."

"What does she say?" Stef asked.

"She asks why I'm ignoring her and when I don't ignore her she asks why I'm not calling her or going over there or doing something with her." Jesus said frustrated. "I can't spend every waking moment with her."

"Are you still sleeping with her?" Stef asked.

"We haven't in like a week." Jesus said as he put the rinsed out dishes into the dishwasher. "Why?"

"I just wondered." Stef said. The truth was that she wondered if every time they did meet they had sex in which case she understood why Hayley was acting the way she was.

"What else have you guys done together?" Stef questioned.

"What do you mean?" Jesus asked looking grossed out, thinking his mom wanted more illicit details.

"Like have you been to the movies or for a meal or something?" Stef asked.

"Well we went to the pier together a couple of weeks ago and we've been to movies and just hung out." Jesus said. "We haven't really done much of anything since..." He trailed off but Stef understood. No one in the family had done much of anything since the attack.

"But we still hang out at school all the time and we're chatting constantly." Jesus continued. "But nothing's ever enough. If I have sex with her she thinks that's all I want from her and if I don't then she complains that I'm not interested. I don't know what to do."

"She's been asking me if he's seeing someone else." Mariana added to the conversation. "She keeps asking me to find out the truth or convince him to hang out with her. I told her that we've sort of been hanging out together as a family lately and Jesus has been with us but then she accused me of covering up for him."

"Well, I agree with your mother." Stef said. "You and Hayley need to take some time from each other. You can be friends and even date but you both need to find things to do separately from each other but let her know, don't just disappear on her. And don't sleep with her till you figure this out. You don't want to give her mixed signals."

"Yeah okay." Jesus said.

"And if things get more completed, come talk to us." Stef said.

"I will." Jesus answered, putting the last dish that Lena handed him into the dishwasher. "Can I go now?"

"Yes." Stef said.

Jesus walked up the stairs and Mariana got up to follow him but Stef stopped her.

"Not so fast Miss. Thing." Stef said. "We want to talk to you too."

"Am I in trouble?" Mariana asked worriedly.

"No honey." Stef assured her daughter. "We just want to talk."

"About what?" Mariana asked curiously.

"Tell us about your dance team." Stef said as all three of them sat down at the table.

"We have our meet tomorrow after school." Mariana said. "The teams from La Jolla High and Carmel Valley are gonna be there at three and the dance-off starts at four."

Mariana seemed so excited about it and both moms found themselves smiling.

"We each have to perform three dances to different types of music and each team gets points. You have to give the other teams their points and at the end whichever team has the most points wins." Mariana explained.

"Well we're all going to be there to watch and I'm sure you're gonna do great." Stef assured her daughter before moving on to what she really wanted to talk about.

"Coach Spears even admitted that you guys look pretty good." Lena said with a grin, remembering how Jesus' wrestling coach had hated the idea of sharing the gym with the dance team earlier in the year.

"We've been working really hard." Mariana agreed.

"What about the rest of it?" Stef asked. "Besides the dancing part. You guys hang out a lot right?"

"Sometimes." Mariana answered, her excitement dissipating a bit.

"You went to the mall yesterday." Stef pointed out.

"We had to get our costumes." Mariana said.

"Is that all you did?" Lena asked.

"We got smoothies afterwards." Mariana answered. "Then I came home."

"What did the other girls do?" Stef asked.

"Some of them went on shopping." Mariana admitted. "But I wanted to come home."

"Is everything okay?" Stef asked. "Are you enjoying yourself with those girls?"

"I guess." Mariana answered. "I love the dancing but we don't do much else together. Hayley's really the only one who hangs out with me, and Tia too, but we just work on the steps."

"Are the other girls giving out a hard time?" Lena asked.

"Not really." Mariana said. "Like I said, we don't do much together besides dance."

"Okay, well you'll come and tell us if something is bothering you yes?" Stef asked.

"Yeah." Mariana answered.


	43. Chapter 43

Seeing as they were on a roll the moms decided to talk with the other three kids as well, just to see how they were doing. They headed to Brandon first and when they got to his room they heard him practicing. Knocking on the door they waited until the music stopped before heading inside.

"Hey B." Stef said as they entered.

"Hey." Brandon answered, turning around on his keyboard stool.

Both moms took a seat on his bed.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Nothing." Stef said. "We just wanted to check in with you."

"Oh okay." Brandon answered.

"What's going on with you?" Lena asked.

"Nothing really." Brandon said. "Been working on this new song."

"I can't wait to hear it." Stef said. "Why don't you invite the band over to practice one day."

"Yeah." Brandon said, as though it was a new idea though his band mates had come over often since he joined them. Just not since Lena was attacked, everything seemed to have stopped since then.

"You know it's okay to invite your friends over." Lena said, sensing her son's thoughts.

"Yeah I know." Brandon said. "I just kinda liked it being just us for a while though." He admitted.

"I know what you mean." Stef said. "I've liked having it be just us too."

"Me too." Lena agreed. "But I miss all the noise and activity around here. You kids have been so quiet lately."

Brandon just looked at her, unsure of what to say.

"I'm okay baby." Lena said, watching him. "You guys don't have to walk on eggshells around me."

"We haven't been walking on eggshells." Brandon said. "We've just been keeping it down a bit."

"Well you can stop." Lena said. "I miss the noise."

"I'm glad you're okay mom." Brandon said sincerely to Lena.

"Thank you baby." Lena said, hugging him.

* * *

They headed to Jude next and found the boy sitting at his desk writing fervently.

"What you doing bud?" Lena asked.

"Homework." Jude said, turning away from his work.

"An essay?" Stef said, looking over his shoulder.

"Yeah." Jude said. "We have to write about something we did recently that was special. I'm writing about making the animals with mom." He said smiling, looking over at Lena.

"That was definitely pretty special." Lena admitted. "I loved doing that project with you."

"When do you get to hear about your grade?" Stef asked.

"After the science fair next month." Jude answered. "All our projects will be displayed and we get graded too."

"Well I can't wait to come and see it." Stef said.

"Come give me a hug baby." Lena said and held her arms out to her youngest son. "I love you so much." She said when he came to her.

"I love you too." Jude said, then turned to Stef and hugged her too. "I love you too mom."

"I love you baby." Stef said.

"You look happy again." Jude said to Lena.

"I am happy baby." Lena assured him. "Especially when I have my favorite kid in my arms."

Jude smiled at her, his infectious smile that lit up his face. "You say that to all your kids." He teased.

"Maybe." Lena admitted, smiling back.

* * *

Last they headed to Callie knowing that that conversation would be the longest and possibly the hardest too. They found Callie sitting on her bed reading her book about photography that her grandparents had given her with her camera and all it's parts around her.

"You finally opened that up." Stef said with a smile.

"Yeah." Callie said. "I figured I'd use it tomorrow at Mariana's dance-off."

"Good idea." Lena said. "Do you like it?" She asked.

"Yeah." Callie admitted shyly.

"Great, soon we won't have to pay hundreds of dollars for professional family photographs." Stef teased. "We'll have a pro in the family."

"Who said I won't charge you top dollar?" Callie teased back.

Both Stef and Lena were thrilled that their Callie was coming back out of her shell again. She had been so distant lately, taking on so much extra responsibility since the attack to help her moms out. But today, right now, she was a kid again, just for a few minutes.

"So mom told me about what happened with Wyatt." Lena said, moving to a more serious topic.

"I'm kinda surprised she waited this long." Callie said looked at Stef. "I kinda thought you told each other everything."

Stef wasn't sure what to say but Lena answered for her. "I don't think I was quite ready to hear it." She admitted. "I was feeling what you were feeling and I don't think I was ready to worry about both of us."

"Do you still feel like that?" Callie asked cautiously.

"A little." Lena admitted. "I haven't crossed that line yet."

"And you're okay with that?" Callie turned to Stef again.

"I am." Stef assured her daughter.

"Callie, you know that we love you right?" Lena asked. "We may get angry or fight or make mistakes sometimes but that would never change our love for you."

"I know." Callie said.

"That goes for mom and I too." Lena continued. "We love each other even though we argue and get mad at each other, even though we have our bumps in the road right now."

Callie nodded.

"Nothing could ever change the way we feel about you." Stef said. "Whether you're adopted or not, whether mama and I are together or not, you will _always_ be our girl."

"You are together right?" Callie asked.

"Absolutely." Stef said, taking Lena's hand. "That's not my point, my point is that no matter what happens, you will always be ours."

"I love our family." Callie said finally with tears in her eyes. "I love being a part of it."

"We do too baby." Lena said, hugging Callie as the girl cried.

"I was so scared that you'd send me away." Callie admitted.

"Never baby." Lena said. "Never ever."

"I kinda feel like I can do anything now." Callie said, pulling away from Lena.

"What do you mean?" Lena asked.

"I always used to wonder what would happen to me once I turned eighteen and was no longer in the system. I wouldn't be able to afford college or anything so I wondered what kind of job I'd get." Callie explained. "Now I feel like I can be anything - I can choose whatever I want."

"You can do anything love." Stef assured her daughter. "You're so smart and I have no doubt that you'll succeed in whatever you decide."

"That wouldn't have been true if it weren't for you." Callie said. "You guys are the reason I can do anything."

That last line stuck with Lena for the rest of the evening and when she and Stef finally headed to their room after going a second round to say goodnight to all their kids Lena turned to Stef and whispered softly that it was time.


	44. Chapter 44

"I think it's time." Lena whispered as Stef shut their bedroom door.

Lena stood facing Stef, looking a little unsure but determined.

"Honey, are you sure?" Stef asked as she walked up to her wife.

Lena nodded, allowing Stef to wrap her up into a hug.

"We're in no hurry you know." Stef reminded her. "Is this because of what Callie said?"

"No." Lena answered. "I'm ready, really. I want to try at least. You're going to work tomorrow night and I just want this. Please."

"Okay." Stef said softly, continuing to hold Lena. "But anytime you want to stop just say the word and it'll end."

"I know. I love you." Lena said.

"I love you too." Stef replied.

"How do we start?" Lena asked uncertainly.

"I'm not sure." Stef admitted. "This is your show, you're in charge."

Lena didn't make a move so Stef leaned in and kissed her, that was always a safe bet.

Lena finally began to unbutton Stef's plaid shirt and pulled it out from her jeans while Stef reached for the hem of Lena's blouse.

"Can I take this off?" She whispered, asking permission.

Lena nodded and Stef quickly pulled it over Lena's head, leaving both of them in their bras.

The kissing continued as Lena slowly lead the to the bed. They both knew that it was Lena who'd set the pace and the boundaries. Lena lay back in bed and pulled Stef with her but instead of laying on top of her Stef rolled to the other side so that the length of their bodies were still touching but Lena could get up if she needed to.

Stef's hands went to Lena's hair as they continued kissing until Lena's hand gently brushed against Stef's breast, indicating that she was ready to move on. Stef let her hand slip down slowly until she reached Lena's breast and cupped it while Lena's hand went around Stef to unhook her bra. Stef followed suit and unhooked Lena's bra as well, leaving them both completely topless. Stef slowly kissed her way down Lena's neck and chest until she reached her breasts and then looked up at Lena, silently asking for permission before taking one pert nipple into her mouth and sucking on it gently, the other being massaged by her fingers.

They continued like this for a while until Lena tugged at Stef's jeans, instructing her to take them off. Stef quickly undressed herself as well as Lena and soon the two were completely naked. Stef knew that Lena wanted her to go lower so she began kissing her way down but right before she reached her center she looked up at Lena for permission.

After receiving another nod Stef planted a kiss right above Lena's center before parting her thighs slightly and lowering herself between Lena's legs. She didn't part Lena's folds but instead kissed her slit a few times to allow Lena some time to get comfortable. She felt Lena's hand reach down and grip her own. Stef held on tight as she continued.

Stef then parted Lena's folds with her thumbs and placed the softest of kisses on Lena's nub before sucking on it gently for a while before moving lower. The moment Stef reached Lena's opening she felt Lena's entire body tense. She looked up and saw Lena's eyes shut tight as tears poured silently down her face. Stef instantly stopped and moved away from Lena but Lena stopped her and guided her back down.

"Honey..." Stef began but was cut off.

"No, I'm okay." Lena whispered through her tears. "Go on."

Stef looked concerned but did as Lena asked. She traced Lena's slit with the tip of her tongue a few times and noticed that Lena was still pretty dry - she obviously wasn't having any fun.

Stef pulled herself up again lay next to Lena so their bodies were touching.

"Don't stop." Lena whispered again.

Stef nodded but instead of using her mouth she allowed her hand to wander down to Lena's center. She reached Lena's folds and the stopped.

"Look at me." She instructed to her wife who's eyes were still shut tight.

Lena's eyes remained closed.

"Honey, look at me." Stef said, slightly more firmly. She wanted Lena to watch her. She didn't want her to keep her eyes closed and picture those two men. She wanted Lena to know it was her.

Lena finally looked up at her wife with teary eyes.

"It's just me babe." Stef reminded her. "We can stop any time you want."

Lena nodded slowly and Stef finally slid a finger into her wife moving it slowly, once again allowing Lena time to adjust. She knew exactly where that special spot was that would drive Lena wild but instead of focusing on it she just let her finger flutter over it, not wanting to overwhelm her. Slowly she felt Lena's body relax against her own and so she slipped another finger in and started working.

Keeping eye contact with Lena she finally felt her contract around her fingers as Lena began to get wet. Lena closed her eyes once more but lightly this time, they were shut in pleasure, not fear. Stef leaned down and kissed Lena softly on the lips as her fingers continued to work their magic. Lena began moving along with Stef and soon Stef could hear her breathing get heavier and quicker as she got closer to a climax.

"I love you." Stef whispered as she watched Lena go over the edge.

Lena's only response was to open her eyes and look up at her wife. She couldn't say it in words but her look told Stef that she felt just the same way.

Stef held Lena for a while longer before pulling them both out of bed and heading to the bathroom. Stef began to fill the tub and poured a capful of vanilla scented oil into it, climbed in and helped Lena in as well. She was finally allowed a bath since her wound had healed significantly. Stef lay against the tub with Lena between her legs leaning against her. Stef held her wife tight as the two sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts.


	45. Chapter 45

Lena woke up the following morning expecting to still be wrapped up in Stef's arms however she wasn't and when she rolled over to Stef's side of the bed she realized why - Stef wasn't in bed. Lena glanced at the clock on her side table that read five-forty-five. The day was just starting to get light but it was still too early for her to be up.

The two had finally climbed out of the tub when they found themselves drifting to sleep and after drying off and pulling on some PJ's they crawled into bed and curled up together with Stef holding Lena. Lena smiled at the memory as she climbed out of bed in search of her wife.

The pot of coffee told Lena that Stef was somewhere downstairs and the unlocked back door told her that Stef was out in the back yard. Sure enough Lena found Stef sitting on a chair in front of their recently planted cherry tree, legs curled under her, lost in thought. Lena walked up to her wife expecting her to say that she hadn't wanted to wake Lena so she came downstairs but instead she found her, eyes red and face wet with tears.

"Honey?" Lena asked, suddenly concerned, causing Stef to be pulled out of her thoughts.

Stef smiled up at her wife through her tears and pulled her down onto her lap.

"What's wrong?" Lena asked, wiping away the tears on Stef's cheeks.

"Nothing." Stef promised with a smile.

"You're crying." Lena pointed out. "It can't be nothing."

"No, I'm just happy." Stef said. "I was so worried last night and I know it's not over but we're over the hard parts. No more doctors, no more stitches, no more medication, you're almost done with therapy and we got through... last night." She said. "I was terrified that everything would be different." She finally admitted, holding Lena close as Lena leaned into her and allowed her own tears to spill over.

"I was scared too." Lena whispered. "I didn't want anything to change."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that Lena." Stef said. "I really wish I could have protected you from it."

"I know you do." Lena answered her. "I wish that too." She paused before she continued. "But you are the reason that I got through it all. You're the reason that I get through everything. You're my rock. You brought Brandon into this world and you brought our twins home and even though I brought Callie into our lives you're the one that protected her and Jude that night, you're the one that kept them safe. You keep us all safe. You don't know it half the time but you're what holds this family together. You're the one that stays strong when the rest of us are falling apart. You're the one that takes charge when I can't.

"You do all that for me." Stef replied.

"Maybe." Lena said. "But you do it much more. You've given in to so much for me. You married me because it's what I wanted..."

"I wanted it too." Stef cut her off.

"We decided to try for a baby because of me." Lena continued. "You're always doing stuff for everyone else. Honey, you did protect me. You couldn't stop what happened but you stopped me from driving myself crazy because of it. You helped me when I couldn't eat or sleep and you fixed things when I freaked the kids out. You're the reason I got through this. So you did protect me honey, you protected me from myself. You never let me give up. You reminded me that our kids needed me to move on. I am moving on babe, but you need to learn to do that too."

Stef remained quiet as she thought about what Lena had said. She did need to let it go or else the guild would kill her.

* * *

A few hours later the kids were gone and Stef and Lena had the house to themselves. This was an absolute first and the two of them were enjoying the time to themselves. Mariana's dance-off would be Lena's first outing since the attack that wasn't a hospital or therapist visit and much to her surprise she wasn't nervous about it at all. Of course Stef was going to be with her so it wasn't too awkward but still she didn't think she's feel too bad going somewhere herself either. What she was worried about was Stef working the night shift and more than the fact that she'd be home alone at night without her wife she worried about Stef being out at night.

But Lena pushed those thoughts aside as she sat on their porch swing with her wife, legs tangled, fingers entwined and heads resting against each other. Lena felt relaxed in Stef's arms as Stef gently swung them creating a cool breeze that felt refreshing in the hot afternoon.

"Mariana was so excited this morning before she left." Stef said, pulling Lena out of her thoughts. "I hope today goes well for her."

"As long as she enjoys herself I don't care if she wins or loses." Lena said.

"I don't either, but I get the feeling that she really needs this." Stef said. "She needs the boost."

"Is it just me or do all the kids seem a little insecure lately?" Lena asked.

"I think so too." Stef said. "This affected them more than I imagined. But I think it'll be okay, as you get better so will they."

"They'd be happy to know that I am getting better." Lena said with a smirk, knowing that Stef would turn a gorgeous shade of pink.

"Please, let's not share that bit." Stef said. "I've had enough of those conversations for a while."

Lena laughed as she brushed a thumb over Stef's darkening cheeks. "It'll be our secret." She said.

Stef grinned back at her wife, loving the fact that she was finally so carefree and happy again.

* * *

Just as Stef expected, Mariana was a complete wreck as she got ready for the competition and the other girls on the team were no better. Jesus had gone to wish Hayley good luck but she just brushed him off with an angry glare before turning her attention back to her teammates. Callie was fidgeting with her camera, trying to make all the final adjustments for the perfect pictures and Jude and Brandon were just sitting beside her watching all the chaos around. Kids from both the guest schools were pouring into the gym along with supporters from Anchor Beach and amongst them Jude suddenly spotted Stef and Lena.

"Moms." He yelled loudly, his face lighting up at the sight of them.

Stef and Lena turned to the voice of their youngest son and smiled, loving the fact that he was happy to see them. They joined their three kids and all five were soon talking about nothing in particular. Jesus came up to join them after wishing Mariana and Hayley good luck but he looked distracted.

"Everything okay baby?" Lena asked as he took a seat beside her on the bleachers.

"Yeah." He answered.

Lena would have said something more but just then Mariana came running up to them as well. She was obviously already dressed in her costume but was wearing an oversized white t-shirt over it to keep it hidden until the show.

"We're almost ready to start." She said nervously. "Just wanted to make sure you were all here."

"Of course baby." Lena said. "We wouldn't miss it."

"I'm all set with the camera." Callie smiled.

"And she promised I could take some pictures too." Jude added, looking at Callie, reminding her of her promise.

"Yeah baby." She smiled at her brother. "We're gonna get great shots of our star here."

"I hope we win." Mariana said. "It's our first meet and I'd like to win."

"Just do your best honey." Lena said. "That's all that matters."

"I know mom." Mariana smiled. "I'm glad you're here."

Mariana ran back behind the makeshift curtain that was the designated 'backstage', hearing her family yell her name in cheer as she went.


	46. Chapter 46

The whole family was piled into the car after the dance-off. It was late evening and everyone was in good spirits, including Mariana, even though her team came second. Even she had to admit that the kids from Carmel Valley were almost like professionals.

"You were great Mariana." Jude said smiling.

"You really were babe." Stef agreed with her son.

"But the best was when that kid from La Jolla fell on her butt." Jesus added, making everyone laugh.

"I'm just glad it wasn't me." Mariana said in relief. "Though I do feel kinda bad for her. Luckily she doesn't go to this school, at least this way only a few people she knows saw it happen."

"Kids can be so cruel." Lena grumbled. "Every little mistake is judged so harshly."

"All part of growing up babe." Stef said, trying to keep Lena from getting annoyed. She knew that this sudden change in attitude stemmed from the fact that in just a few hours Stef would be leaving for work.

The family decided to drive down for some ice-cream before heading back home and the kid were thrilled with the idea.

"I can't wait to see the pictures you took Callie." Mariana said, excited to see herself perform.

"I'll upload them as soon as we get home." Callie answered. "I kinda can't wait to see them either." She added shyly.

"I'm so glad you're enjoying your camera." Lena told her daughter. "We weren't sure what to suggest when grams asked."

"I do love it." Callie smiled. "Thank you."

"I told you grams always gets the best gifts." Mariana added playfully. "What did you do with your fifty dollars?"

"What fifty dollars?" Stef and Lena asked in unison.

"Grams and gramps gave us fifty dollars each the first night you guys came home." Brandon explained.

"That's quite a bit of money." Stef said, frowning, remembering Callie mention some money when they got their presents but never imagined the amount. "Did you know how much they were given?" She asked Lena.

"No." Lena answered. "This is the first I'm hearing of it."

"What did you guys do with it?" Stef turned her attention back to her kids.

"I bought clothes and some makeup." Mariana said excitedly.

"Mariana the last thing you need is more clothes." Stef chastised. "What about the rest of you?"

"I changed the wheels on my skateboard." Jesus said. "Mine were pretty worn out."

"I added mine to my new stereo fund." Brandon replied.

"Okay those aren't so bad." Stef relaxed a bit. "What about you two?" She directed the question at the last two.

"I have mine and Jude's." Callie answered. "I wasn't sure what to do with it so I just kept it."

"Callie's idea was to open a bank account." Mariana stated in a tone of disgust.

"That's a good idea." Lena said, relieved with the knowledge that none of her kids had gotten anything they wouldn't have approved of.

"That's lame." Jesus added his two cents. "Jude wanted to buy a video game."

"But I don't need to anymore." Jude added quickly. "We already got new games anyways."

"You could buy something else." Jesus suggested.

"I don't need anything." Jude said.

"Did Callie bully you?" Mariana asked, remembering how Callie had reacted to the money.

"I do _not_ bully him Mariana." Callie said harshly. "He just doesn't need anything worth fifty dollars."

"Enough you two." Stef said. The situation was quickly spinning out of control and the last thing Stef wanted was to leave Lena alone with a bunch of whiny kids.

"Grams said that Jude was allowed to buy whatever he wanted and Callie couldn't stop him." Mariana defended her little brother. She knew that Callie loved Jude and always looked out for him but she also knew that sometimes she babied him and fussed over him a bit too much.

"Mama and I will discuss this with Callie and Jude when we get back home." Stef said firmly. "But it's not your concern so please can we just go in and enjoy our ice-cream without making a scene?" She asked, pulling into a spot outside the ice-cream place.

The kids got out and though their mood did lighten quite a bit as they choose their ice-cream Callie and Mariana were still glaring at each other and Lena looked upset.

"We'll sort this out before I go." Stef promised her wife softly. "It's not such a big deal. We'll work it out."

"My mom should have asked us about the money." Lena said. "She gave the kids two hundred and fifty dollars in all. That's a lot of money."

"Honey, really that day neither of us was too concerned about anything." Stef reminded her. "The kids were also all worried and your parents were probably just trying to cheer them up some."

Lena didn't look convinced so Stef tried another tactic.

"On the bright side none of our kids misused the money." She said. "They're good kids and they're making good decisions."

"Why would Callie stop Jude from buying a video game?" Lena asked, going back to the original conversation.

"I'm not sure." Stef said. "I think she's just a little uncomfortable having so much. She barely asks us for anything either and even when she did need new clothes it took her ages to ask us."

"She didn't exactly ask us." Lena smiled slightly.

"She asked us if she could get a job." Stef agreed. "But I think that's been good for her too. And Daphne's there so she's happy."

"She's come a long way but I wish she'd let us in a little more." Lena said, glancing over at her eldest daughter who was trying to pick a flavor. "She still keeps the personal stuff to herself."

"She's getting there baby." Stef said, guiding Lena towards the counter to get their own ice-cream. "It's just harder for her."

* * *

After their ice-cream that definitely helped with the mood the family headed back home. Stef and Lena took Callie and Jude up to their bedroom and sat the siblings down on the bed.

"Okay, so what exactly happened about this money?" Stef asked.

"Nothing." Callie shrugged. "Jude wanted to buy video games but then grams and gramps gave him some anyways so he came and gave the money to me."

The moms turned towards Jude to see if that's how he remembered it and he nodded. "She's right."

"Why didn't you buy something else?" Stef asked casually.

"I didn't need anything else." Jude said firmly before glancing at Callie.

"Okay." Stef said. "Why did you give it to Callie though? Why didn't you keep it?"

"I don't know." Jude said softly, unsure of what the right answer would be.

Through out this Stef and Lena kept a close eye on Callie and noticed her looking a little uncomfortable. Obviously she had influenced Jude's decision and he was trying to cover up for her.

"Did Callie ask you to give her the money? Or force you in any way?" Stef asked.

Jude looked at his sister once again, the gesture telling his moms just what they needed to know. Stef sent him to order pizza with the others before turning to Callie.

"Callie why didn't you let Jude buy whatever he wanted?" Stef asked, turning to the girl.

"He doesn't need to waste fifty dollars." Callie defended herself. "That money could be useful at some point."

"What do you mean?" Lena asked, unsure of what Callie meant by 'useful'.

"We've never had that much money before." Callie said. "He could use it to buy warm clothes when it gets cold or food when he's hungry." She snapped.

"He doesn't need his own money for that." Stef reminded her firmly. "He has us now."

"I know." Callie said, lowering her voice. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" Lena asked.

"Whenever we got any money before for anything I'd save it." Callie answered. "I'd keep it hidden in a sock for when we weren't fed or were cold. But we never had this much and I guess I don't know how to just spend it on crap."

"Honey, what about the money you make from the diner?" Lena asked.

Callie opened her mouth to speak but then closed it again and turned towards her bed side drawer, pulling out a rolled up black sock. Stef and Lena watched as Callie pulled out over five hundred dollars in cash, their eyes going wide at the sight.

"Where did you get all this?" Lena asked.

"I've been saving." Callie answered. "Nothing's ever been spent on junk except for Jude's birthdays. Some of it I got from the diner, some I had from before, some you guys gave us."

"You've saved it all?" Lena asked surprised. She'd never meet a teenager who didn't splurge with this much cash.

"I let Jude have about twenty dollars whenever he's given anything but the rest I keep." Callie answered. "You guys bought us some clothes so a lot of the money got saved."

"Sweetheart..." Stef's heart broke. "You know that we wanted to buy you those clothes right?" She asked. "We want to spoil you a little just like we spoil the others. It's our job as your moms to get you the things you need and sometimes even the things you don't need. Your job as kids is to bug us for stuff you don't need and spend every penny you own."

"Well not _every _penny." Lena added, getting a smile from Callie.

"I think Jude would have liked to spend his own money." Callie finally admitted. "He'd buy candy and some other junk probably."

"So how about this, you give him back his fifty dollars and he can spend part of it on whatever he likes and the rest we can save up." Stef suggested. "Saving is never a bad thing honey, but just remember that now you don't have to save for essentials anymore."

"You've got a lot of money here, how about we do open that account you suggested. That way you'll get interest too." Lena said. "It'll be safer in a bank too - this is a lot of money for you to just keep in a sock in a drawer.

"Okay." Callie said, feeling a little relieved as she handed Lena the money. "No matter how safe she was she still liked the idea of having savings."

Stef took the wad of cash from Lena to count it. She found one bundle rolled in a rubber band.

"That's Jude's." Callie explained her unasked question.

Stef pulled out a fifty dollar note along with a couple of tens and handed it back to Callie. "How about you keep this, to spend on yourself." She said with a wink.

Callie nodded and took the money as Stef pulled out another thirty from Jude's bundle to give to him.

"I wasn't trying to bully him." Callie said softly, still upset at the statement Mariana had made.

"We know that honey." Lena assured her. "You aren't wrong, saving is good but sometimes it's okay to splurge a bit too."

* * *

After their conversation and then another short one with Jude instructing him to be careful with his money and not to buy something they wouldn't approve Stef and Lena headed to their own room.

"She's a good kid." Stef said. "She just forgets how to be a kid."

"I wish we'd gotten them sooner." Lena said. "We couldn't have protected them from so much."

"Someone once told me that even if you can't protect them the people you love from everything you can still be there for them to help them through." Stef said with a smile as she pulled Lena close.

Lena finally cracked a smile herself and leaned into her wife's embrace.

"They sounds like a very wise person." Lena grinned.

"Um." Stef said, not actually acknowledging the statement.

"Do you have to go to work?" Lena asked sadly.

"I do honey." Stef said. "I'll keep calling I promise."

"Just be careful okay." Lena said. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

Stef wanted to promise that she'd be fine but she knew she couldn't make that kind of a promise. It wasn't something she could control. "I promise I'll be careful." She finally said, hoping it would be enough.


	47. Chapter 47

Stef hadn't expected to be nervous but as she and Mike were driving around she realized that she was. They were circling the hall where the Vice-President was and Stef let Mike drive, keeping her eyes peeled for any signs of trouble. She didn't want to miss a thing. She kept glancing at her phone looking for a call or text from Lena but unlike before, this time she was actually waiting for it. Finally she decided to just make the call herself.

Jenna had come over about twenty minutes before Stef had to leave for work. She came with a Lavender and Vanilla Spa Basket and a huge box of chocolate and pretty soon she and the kids were going a pretty good job of keeping Lena distracted. They were all telling stories of when the kids were little.

"I remember the first time we brought Garret over." Jenna said. "Mariana refused to play with him."

"Why?" Jude asked.

"Because he was a boy." Lena answered her son, giving Mariana a teasing look. "They were eight and at that age girls apparently didn't play with boys."

Mariana was grinning sheepishly while the rest of the family laughed.

The phone distracted everyone and Jesus jumped up to answer it.

"Hey mom." Lena heard him say in the entryway, prompting her to get up and follow. "She's right here."

Jesus handed the phone to Lena and walked back to the living room.

"Hi honey." Lena said pleasantly.

"Hey babe." Stef said, smiling. "Are you guys having a good time?"

"Actually yes." Lena said. "We've just been telling stories about when the kids were little."

"Good." Stef said, relieved that Lena was okay.

"What are you guys up to?" Lena asked.

"We're driving around waiting for everyone to get here." Stef answered. "I should be home by about midnight. We have to escort the party back to their hotel after the speech and then head back to the station for our cars."

"Be careful okay." Lena reminded her.

"I will babe." Stef answered. "Love you."

"Love you too." Lena said, hanging up.

When she returned to the living room everyone was laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?" She asked, taking her seat beside Jenna on the couch.

"They were telling us about the time Jesus, Brandon and Garret decided to be super-heros." Callie answered.

"They actually wore their underwear outside their pants." Mariana said in disgust.

"You're just jealous that we were having so much fun." Jesus shot back.

"We invited her to play." Brandon added, defending their nine-year-old selves.

"Yeah jealous." Mariana scoffed. "I just loved the days Lexi came over, it was a refreshing change from hanging out with _boys _all day." She said.

"You don't seem to have any trouble now." Lena smiled at her daughter, causing Mariana to blush slightly.

"Well Matt does wear his underwear inside his pants." Callie added with a laugh.

"I hope." Lena said, giving Mariana a warning glance.

"New topic." Mariana said quickly, desperate to get the attention off her.

"Well I remember a time when Jesus and Garret got it in their heads that they could use a bed sheet to parachute out the window." Jenna said.

"Oh I remember that." Lena said, her eyes growing wide at the memory. "God I was terrified when I saw them up there."

"I don't remember this." Jesus said.

"It was at our house." Jenna reminded him. "You and Lena had come over for a while. You kids headed upstairs and after a while we realized that you were too quiet. We came upstairs to find you guys holding a sheet and trying to balance on the window sill."

"What did you do?" Callie asked in amazement.

"Lectured us for hours." Jesus answered for his mother, suddenly remembering the incident.

"Well, I'm sure that was better than a few broken bones." Lena added.

"It would have worked." Jesus tried to argue playfully.

"Yeah right." Jude said.

* * *

They continued to talk for a while, laughing and sharing whatever stories they could remember until Jude announced that he was hungry.

"I can take care of dinner." Callie quickly offered. As much as she loved hearing the stories and didn't have much to share anyways so she could make dinner.

"No honey." Lena declined her offer, not wanting Callie to take on any more responsibility. "I got it. Why don't you guys watch a movie or something till it's ready."

Lena got up and headed to the kitchen to start dinner with Jenna close behind.

"So how are you?" Jenna asked, once they were alone. She had been meaning to ask but didn't want to do it in front of the children.

"I'm okay." Lena answered truthfully, giving Jenna a sad smile.

"I had no idea what happened." Jenna said regretfully. "I never even imagined..."

"I know." Lena said, handing Jenna some zucchini to chop. "I never thought it would happen either."

"I should have just left with you." Jenna said.

It's not your fault Jenna." Lena assured her. "We've done the blame thing but we're past it. I'm okay, really."

"Stef was so mad at me when I called the next morning." Jenna remembered.

Lena smiled sadly as she pulled out some frozen shrimp. "It wasn't really you she was mad at." She said. "It was herself."

"Why?" Jenna asked confused, wondering how Stef could be blamed for any of this.

"She was patrolling just a couple of blocks away. She was one of the first to the scene." Lena explained. "And you know Stef - sometimes she thinks she can do everything."

"She said they caught the guys." Jenna asked for confirmation.

"Yes." Lena answered. "She didn't know it was me and another cop was already with me so she went to help cuff the guys. I heard her voice and called for her."

"I can't even imagine what she must have felt." Jenna said, bringing Lena's mind to Stef's reaction for the first time.

"Honestly, I never thought about that." Lena said. "I was just so glad to see her. She makes me feel so safe you know."

"Yeah, she has that quality." Jenna agreed. "How is she doing? The kids seem to be doing okay."

"We're all getting there." Lena said. "We have bad days and good days but now we have more good days than bad. I did work myself up into a frenzy and freaked everyone out though." Lena explained. "I was nervous about having sex and I just needed to know what it would be like but I wasn't ready so I blamed Stef."

"Blamed her?" Jenna asked.

"I may have accused her of having an affair with Mike." Lena said, smiling at the ridiculousness of the idea.

"Oh my god." Jenna said surprised. "What did she say?"

"That I was being crazy." Lena answered. "Which I was." She admitted. "But it was too late, the kids caught on."

"Oh no." Jenna said sympathetically. "How did that go?"

"We talked to them." Lena said. "It took a while but we keep reassuring them."

"You two really are something." Jenna said in amazement. "I wish Kelly and I had what you two have."

"Mariana actually brought that up." Lena told her friend. She was sitting down at the table now while the shrimp and vegetables were cooking. "When they realized that I was worried Stef wouldn't wait until I was ready she said that you guys got divorced because you stopped having sex."

Jenna's eyes widened slightly at the knowledge that the girl knew that many details.

"Apparently Garret told her." Lena answered Jenna's unasked question.

"I didn't know he knew." Jenna said in surprise.

"They tend to know more than you want them to, trust me." Lena smiled.

"Well, our problems started before the sex stopped." Jenna said. "We just didn't realize it."

"How are you guys doing?" Lena asked. It had been almost a year since their divorce and Lena had hardly spent much time with Jenna.

"We've formed a new routine." Jenna answered. "Neither of us is seeing anyone seriously though we've both been out on a few dates. Garret is the only reason we even communicate though."

"It was like that with Stef and Mike at first as well." Lena said. "It gets easier. They're actually friends now."

"They must be if Stef is running off with him." Jenna teased, trying to move away from the morose topic.

Lena threw a dish towel at Jenna as the two laughed.

"How are you two doing with sex?" Jenna asked.

"Pretty good." Lena said, smiling sincerely for the first time. "Only once so far but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I was nervous and so was she but we got through." Lena had tears in her eyes now but she was happy.

Little did she know that Callie was standing by the piano in the living room, listening to every word.


	48. Chapter 48

Callie hadn't meant to eavesdrop, she was coming to see if Lena needed any help with dinner but just as she was about to enter the kitchen she heard Lena mention Mike and that had caused her to halt. But now she was glad she did because she now knew that her moms were okay; they had had sex and it hadn't destroyed them. Callie felt so much relief that she hadn't realized how worried she had been. A smile creeped up to her face as she headed back to the couch and her siblings.

"What are you smiling about?" Mariana asked as her sister sat back down.

"Nothing." Callie said, though she couldn't get the silly grin off her face.

"Oh, a secret." Mariana said excitedly. "Tell me."

"Shut up Mariana." Jesus said, he was totally engrossed in X-men and didn't want to be distracted.

"You've watched this movie like five times Jesus." Mariana complained and the two soon started squabbling back and forth and Callie was relieved that Mariana's attention had been distracted.

All the kids were now distracted so Brandon got up to go to the bathroom and Jude came over to sit beside Callie.

"Are you okay?" He asked, also noticing the odd smile on Callie's face.

"I'm great baby." Callie assured him. "We're all going to be just fine."

* * *

"So, tell me your big secret." Mariana whispered.

It was past eleven by the time Jenna went home and Lena got all the kids in bed. Lena had had Jesus and Brandon walk Jenna to her car even though it was parked in the driveway and made Jenna promise to call the second she got home. Finally all the kids were in bed, later than she'd liked but having them around was a good distraction. Stef had called constantly and that did make Lena feel more comfortable but still Jenna and the kids did a great job of entertaining her. Now there was less than an hour for Stef to come home and Lena decided to take a bath with the new salts that Jenna had brought while she waited for her wife.

"It's nothing." Callie said, not really sure she should share her knowledge with her sister.

"Yeah right." Mariana said and Callie could tell she was rolling her eyes in the darkness. "I'm not stupid you know, come on, tell me."

"Alright, but you have to promise not to tell _anyone_." Callie said, though she knew that this wouldn't be a secret for too long - not in this house anyway.

"Pinky-promise." Mariana said excitedly, using a phrase she hadn't said in years.

"Okay so I overheard mom tell Jenna that her and Stef had sex." Callie whispered as though she was saying something bad.

"What?" Mariana asked in surprise. "Are you sure."

"Yeah." Callie said.

"And..." Mariana said, asking for more detail.

"She said it was pretty good." Callie said and then laughed when she heard her sister squeal in excitement.

"Oh My God!" Mariana exclaimed. "I didn't think it would happen this fast."

"Neither did I, but I guess they were right." Callie said, still feeling so relieved.

"Yeah." Mariana said.

"I know they keep telling us to trust them but honestly sometimes I don't." Callie admitted. "Adults lie so often to kids that you never know when they're telling the truth."

"Yeah, but moms never lie to hurt us." Mariana said. "They just want to protect us."

"I get that, but if something bad was going to happen I'd rather see it coming than be surprised." Callie said. "I've had enough bad surprises to last me a lifetime."

"That's changing Callie." Mariana assured her sister. "Even for you."

* * *

When Stef finally got home it was just after midnight, all the kids were asleep but Lena was on the couch waiting for her.

"You're home." Lena said with a smile as she got up and went to meet her wife.

"How was it tonight?" Stef asked as she kissed Lena.

"Good." Lena said. "It felt almost normal."

Stef smiled at Lena as the two headed up to their bedroom.

"I want to talk to you about something." Lena said after Stef was changed and the two of them were curled up in bed together.

"Humm." Stef murmured as she combed her fingers through Lena's hair.

"Talk to me about that night." Lena said, surprising Stef.

"What do you mean?" She asked, turning to face Lena.

"I never thought about what you must have felt when you saw me lying there." Lena said. "Jenna brought it to my attention."

Stef didn't know what to say. Finding Lena lying broken on the sidewalk had nearly killed her. She finally understood what Lena had said when she got the call that Stef had been shot and she absolutely hated that feeling.

"Talk to me." Lena whispered, realizing that Stef was lost in memory.

"I don't even know how to describe it." Stef said.

"You were scared." Lena said for her.

"Terrified." Stef corrected. "If you hadn't survi..." She choked on the word. "I don't know what I would have done; I don't know if I couldn't have gone on." Tears slipped through her tightly shut eyes even thought she tried hard to hold them in.

"I know you could." Lena said. "You're strong and you would have done it for me and for our children."

"I would have been miserable." Stef said, knowing that Lena was right - she would have gone on, she would have just been lonely.

Lena held Stef tighter as the two sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Is this how you feel everyday?" Stef asked. "Every time I go to work?"

"A little." Lena admitted. "But it's not really the same." She tried not to worry her wife. "You're out there but you have training and weapons and protection and strength." Lena explained. "I know that you're as safe as you can possibly be. Bad things happen but... well we learnt that they can happen to anyone."

"I promise I do absolutely everything to be safe." Stef told Lena. "Especially after the shooting. I wouldn't do anything that would make me leave my family."

"I know honey." Lena assured Stef. "If it hadn't been Jesus in that house you would have been more careful there too. I get it."

"We're going to grow old together." Stef said. "We're going to watch our babies grow up and have babies of their own. We're going to spoil them rotten and we're going to do it together." She tightened her grip on her wife.

"I like that." Lena said smiling.

"I love you Lena." Stef said seriously. "You have given me the most wonderful life. You made me happy with who I am and you have give me four of our beautiful children. I couldn't have done any of it without you."

"I couldn't have done it without you either honey." Lena said. "And I'm not going to do anything without you for another fifty years at least.


	49. Chapter 49

Everyone slept in on Saturday. Stef had the weekend off and it was a relaxing day for all of them. Stef and Lena had talked for another couple of hours before they finally went to sleep themselves, both feeling a little more relaxed after their talk. Stef hadn't really thought much about how she felt, she had been so focused on Lena and the kids that she pushed her own fears aside but when Lena made her talk about it she finally let it out and she felt like she could breath again.

It was almost ten on Saturday morning when the moms heard a soft knock on their door.

"Come in." Stef mumbled sleepily as she turned to check the time on Lena's nightstand.

Mariana opened the door and came in. "I just wanted to see that you were home." Mariana said as Lena moved away from Stef making room for their daughter in the middle.

"I got home just after midnight." Stef assured her daughter. "You were all asleep when I checked on you."

"We tried to stay awake." Mariana admitted as she crawled into the bed and smiled as two pairs of arms wrapped around her.

"That's okay." Stef assured her daughter. "I heard that you kids were great for mama last night."

"We didn't cause any trouble." Mariana offered, glad that she and Callie hadn't fought.

"Are you and Callie okay?" Stef asked, as though reading the girl's thoughts.

"Yes." Mariana said.

"Did you apologize?" Stef asked.

"No." Mariana replied.

"You really hurt her you know." Lena added. "She spent years trying to protect Jude and calling her a bully for it was not right."

"She missed out on a lot herself trying to make sure that he was safe." Stef added.

"I know, it's just sometimes she does bully him and he never stands up for himself." Mariana defended.

"She isn't bullying him." Lena corrected. "She thinks she's doing the right thing. She finds it hard to let go and let us be the moms sometimes but she's learning."

"I get that but so what if he buys something he likes?" Mariana asked. "Doesn't he deserve it?"

"He does baby, he definitely does." Lena agreed. "But you have to understand it from Callie's point of view. Have have spent years having to sometimes feed and clothe themselves and just blowing that money away seems like a waste to her."

"But they don't live like that anymore." Mariana stated.

"No, but it takes time honey." Lena continued. "It took you a long time to speak remember, even when you knew you were safe in this house you still preferred to let Jesus speak for you. Callie's been doing this a lot longer than you and it's going to take her some time too."

"Okay, I'll apologize to her." Mariana said, finally understanding Callie's point. "I didn't meant to hurt her anyways, I was just defending Jude."

"And we love that." Stef said. "We are proud of you for looking out for Jude but not at the expense of Callie."

"She didn't seem too upset actually." Lena said, remembering Callie smiling away at dinner. "She seemed so happy."

Mariana smiled, knowing why her sister had been smiling. "Yeah, she was happy." She told her moms. "And we were talking last night so things are good."

"What did you guys have for dinner?" Stef asked curiously.

"Stir-fry shrimp." Mariana said.

"Lucky bug." Stef said, poking her in the side, causing her to giggle and squirm. "All I got was a stale chicken sandwich."

* * *

It was late morning when everyone was finally up and dressed so they decided to have a big lunch and skip breakfast completely. Stef hauled out their rarely used grill with Jude's help while Lena seasoned some pork chops and Callie and Brandon made a salad. The twins were still upstairs getting ready.

"What have you and Callie been whispering about?" Jesus asked curiously, entering his sister's room to find her rummaging through a jewelry box. "After the dance you two could barely look at each other."

"Nothing." Mariana said. "Just girl stuff."

"Gross." Jesus said scrunching his nose.

"It's not gross." Mariana defended, excited to share her secret knowing that Jesus would be just as thrilled as she was.

"I don't wanna know." Jesus said, afraid that it was going to be something about bras or tampons or something.

"It's about moms." Mariana said, her excitement getting the better of her now.

"What about them?" Jesus asked, suddenly curious again.

"They did it." Mariana said, a big smile on her face.

"Did what?" Jesus asked with a frown.

"You're so stupid." Mariana groaned. "They had sex."

"How do you know?" Jesus asked. He sat down on the bed next to Mariana, eager for more information.

"Callie told me." Mariana said. "She heard Lena tell Jenna."

"Are you sure?" Jesus asked. This is exactly how rumors tended to spread.

"That's what she said." Mariana said. "Why would she lie."

"So everything is okay now?" Jesus asked, coming to the same conclusion as the girls.

"Yes." Mariana said as the two headed downstairs to join the rest.

* * *

Everyone was sitting around in the back yard ready for lunch. Stef was putting a pork chop on each plate and Lena was handing them out to the kids after adding a spoon of salad to each.

"Are you going to work tonight again?" Jude asked Stef as he passed out glasses of orange juice.

"No baby." Stef answered. "I'm off for the weekend."

"So you're going to be home with us all day?" He asked.

"Yup, you're stuck with me." Stef smiled at him.

"Don't you kids have any plans for the day?" Lena asked, surprised that her teenagers were all still home on a saturday afternoon.

"In the evening." Brandon answered. "I'm going to hang out with Lou and Matt. We're working on a new song."

"And Hayley and I are going shopping." Mariana said excitedly. "We're going to buy new shoes to celebrate not losing yesterday."

"Good." Jesus added. "Because I'm going to the skatepark with the wrestling team and I don't need Hayley bugging me to hang out with her instead."

"You know buddy you don't have to do anything you don't want to do." Stef reminded her son before turning to Mariana. "Aren't your other friends going to celebrate with you too?"

"No." Mariana said. "They do their own thing."

Stef shared a look with Lena. Their daughter was definitely having some trouble making friends lately and they were determined to find out why.

"What about you two?" Lena asked the last two.

"I'm working on my pictures." Callie said. "Then I might go down to the beach to take some more."

"You should take Jude with you." Jesus joked. "That way moms' can get laid again."

Jesus suddenly realized his mistake the moment both moms stopped what they were doing to look at him, glaring at him. Jesus looked away sheepishly as Mariana waxed him in the chest.

"Jesus!" She chastised.

"Mariana!" Callie immediately added.

"You weren't supposed to tell anyone."

"It's just Jesus." Mariana defended herself.

"How come no one told me?" Brandon asked. "How do you even know?"

"ENOUGH!" Stef yelled angrily, still glaring at the kids.


	50. Chapter 50

Suddenly silence filled the back yard as all heads turned towards Stef as she looked at each child, studying their faces. Only three faces looked guilty, one looked annoyed and one looked on curiously. Obviously Jude and Brandon had no idea of how this conversation came about but the other three knew something.

"How..." Stef began, looking at Jesus but not sure how to phrase the statement _how do you know that your mother and I had sex_.

"Mariana told me." Jesus answered, under her glare.

Stef immediately turned towards Mariana. "And how did you find out?"

Mariana was a little more reluctant to give her sister away so instead she remained silent and stared down at her hands to avoid looked at her mother.

Callie could tell that Mariana was struggling. She'd been in trouble enough times to take it. "I heard Lena tell Jenna." She finally admitted before looked to Lena. "I'm sorry, I hadn't meant to listen I just overheard."

"And so you told your sister, who told her brother?" Stef asked, connecting the dots.

"I'm sorry." Callie said, looking remorseful. "Honestly, I was just glad that you guys were okay and I knew Mariana would be too. I guess that's how she felt about Jesus."

Stef looked to Lena, hoping Lena would help her figure this out but instead she found her wife trying hard to hide a smirk.

"Lena?" She questioned. But Lena was not much help. Instead she looked towards the kids, all sitting quietly staring at their mom, waiting for whatever was coming next. The curious and slightly scared looks on their faces snapped her out of her thoughts and she eventually reached out for Stef's hand, leading her back into the house.

"Start eating." She instructed, on her way to the door. "Mom and I will be back in a minute."

"You think this is funny?" Stef asked once they were out of earshot.

"Not _funny _exactly." Lena admitted. "I just... I honestly think it was good for the kids."

"What?" Stef asked in shock. "How is our children being so focused on our sex life a good thing?"

"Honey, they were obviously still unsure about us and even though we did assure them we were fine, I think deep down that feeling was still there. We may not have known it, hell they may not have even realized it but I think it was there and knowing this eased their minds."

Stef's expression softened at her wife's words. She was finally beginning to understand just why something this personal was suddenly constantly under the spotlight.

"You heard Callie." Lena continued. "The relief in her voice when she said she was glad to know that we were okay."

"Will this ever end?" Stef groaned. "I miss the days when they were little and we could just tell them we were play wrestling when they heard us." She had always been less confident about sex than Lena and having to discuss it with her kids just intensified it. She had no trouble talking to them about sex and their sex lives she just didn't want to have to talk about her own.

"Let's just go back out there and enjoy lunch shall we?" Lena suggested.

"Fine, but we're not letting Callie take Jude anywhere this evening." Stef said, wanting their kids to know for certain that nothing was going to happen.

"Okay." Lena laughed as the two headed back outside.

* * *

The kids visible relaxed once the moms were back outside and Stef didn't mention the conversation again. Everyone ate as they continued to discuss their evening plans and were playfully teasing each other. Stef heading back to the kitchen to grab some water from the fridge when Callie showed up behind her.

"I'm sorry if I upset you." She said. "I never meant to, I hadn't even planned to tell Mariana. I was just nervous and when I heard Lena say that you guys were okay I was just..."

"It's okay." Stef stopped her. "I get it. I just wish you'd come to me when you feel scared. We've told you this a hundred times - come to us."

"I know." Callie said. "I'm sorry. You had already promised that you were okay and it's not that I don't believe you it's just..."

"Things happen even when you don't mean for them to." Stef finished for her daughter.

"I'm just sorry." Callie repeated what she had come in to say.

"I know." Stef said. "You're forgiven." She gave her daughter a smile but was surprised not to get one in return. Or at least not one that looked like she meant it. Stef decided that there was one more kid that needed a heart to heart with her moms.

* * *

"And no eavesdropping." Stef said as she shooed the kids up the stairs.

Stef and Lena decided to do the dishes alone so they could talk. They needed to work out what they were going to say to their kids. So far they knew that they needed to talk to Jesus about Hayley and Mariana about the dance team girls but they weren't sure what to say to Callie because they weren't sure what the problem was.

"I think it's still about sex." Stef said, scraping leftovers into the sink before rinsing out the plates.

"But you said that she told you she believed us now." Lena said.

"I don't think it's us." Stef clarified. "I think it's her. As glad as she is that we're doing it..." She said with a roll of her eyes. "I think she now feels like there's something wrong with her for not getting over it as quickly."

"She's just sixteen." Lena clarified as she put leftover pork chops into a box.

"Tell her that." Stef said. "She just thinks that it's been long enough and she should be over it by now."

"As much as I hate to admit it, this is the time she's supposed to be trying sex for the first time, not hoping that she can actually go through with it after being raped." Lena said. "She should be a little nervous, just for different reasons."

"Look, we aren't even sure what the problem really is, we're just assuming this." Stef said. "So let's deal with the other two tonight and then focus on her tomorrow."

"Sounds like a plan." Lena said.


	51. Chapter 51

"So, I'm sorry that I called you a bully." Mariana said. She was sitting on her own bed painting her nails to match the dress she was going to wear to the mall and Callie was working on her pictures.

"It's fine." Callie shrugged. "It's no big deal."

"It is." Mariana said. "I know you've done a lot for him and it wasn't fair for me to say that."

"Fine, then apology accepted." Callie said, hoping to end the topic entirely.

"It's not like that anymore you know." Mariana continued, much to Callie's annoyance.

"Like what?" Callie asked.

"You don't have to save up anymore." Mariana said. "You'll always have people to take care of you. You have moms, grandparents, siblings... We're all here and you're not alone."

Callie went back to her computer without replying and Mariana turned her attention back to her nails. Had she kept looking at her older sister she would have realized that Callie wasn't really working.

"I'm glad that you care about him." Callie finally said. "I'm glad that he has more people he can count on. I know I may not have done everything right but I really did do my best." Callie said, a catch in her throat as she said the words.

"I know you did." Mariana smiled. "You still do."

* * *

Slowly the kids began to disappear. First Mariana, excited to get to the mall and start shopping and then Brandon and Callie, Brandon offering to drop Callie at the beach on his way to Lou's house. Jesus and Jude were the only ones left. Jude was hanging around the house this evening but Jesus was waiting for it to get a little cooler before heading to the skatepark. The two were watching Kung Fu Panda when Stef and Lena walked into the living room.

"Jesus can we talk to you for a bit please." Stef asked.

Both boys instantly looked up at their moms, Jesus looking a little worried that he was in trouble.

"We just want to talk." Lena confirmed to ease his mind.

Jesus got up and followed his moms upstairs. "What's up?" He asked as he entered their room.

"We, uh, we wanted to talk to you about Hayley." Stef began.

"What about her?" Jesus asked.

"Well, we've noticed that you've been having some trouble with her and we just want to make sure you're okay." Stef elaborated.

"She just gets weird sometimes." Jesus answered. "She get's demanding and needy but she isn't always like that. Sometimes she's really fun and it's great to be around her then."

Stef and Lena watched as their son began to open up to them.

"I like hanging out with her but she expects me to hang out with her every moment that she's free. And yet when she's got plans she just tosses me aside. I never know what mood she's going to be in." Jesus continued.

"Honey maybe you two need a break." Lena suggested. "Maybe you need some time apart to figure out what you both like."

"She'll never agree to that." Jesus said. "She'll freak out."

"Honey, it's nice that you don't want to upset her but you also need to look out for yourself." Stef reminded him. "She is not your responsibility."

"We're not saying you have to be rude." Lena continued "You can be nice, be a friend but just friends, at least for a while until things settle down. She may actually need it more than you. It sounds like she may be having problems in her life that she needs to sort out before she involves anyone else."

"Her parents just got divorced." Jesus reminded them.

"Yes, but I don't think that's just it." Lena said. "I think there's more that you don't know about. She may not even know what it is."

"So then how am I supposed to help her?" Jesus asked.

"Be there for her." Lena told him. "Remind her that people care for her and help her figure out what's going on."

"But don't give in to everything she demands." Stef added, wanting her son to know that he is important too. "Let her know that you have your own life too."

"She won't want to even look at me if I break up with her." Jesus said.

"That's her choice." Stef said. "But you can still offer to be there for her."

* * *

"That went better than I thought." Stef said, heaving a sigh of relief once they had sent Jesus back downstairs to join his brother. She reached up to the back of her neck to relieve some of the tension.

"He's obviously having trouble with her." Lena agreed, taking over the massage on Stef's neck.

"The last time I brought this up, you were at camp with Jude and he got so defensive." Stef remembered as she stretched her neck to allow Lena more access.

"It was new." Lena pointed out. "At least he realizes that something is wrong."

"Thank god for that." Stef said as she and Lena headed downstairs to join their sons.

* * *

It was early evening by the time Stef, Lena and Jude were alone. They had continued the movie long after Jesus had left and enjoyed the time snuggled together on the sofa. Lena in the middle with Jude and Stef on either side of her.

"That was funny." Jude said, still laughing as the credits started to roll.

"There's a part two as well." Stef told him.

"Can we watch it?" Jude asked excitedly.

"I don't think we own that one yet." Stef said as Jude jumped up to check through the collection.

"How about we go rent it?" Lena suggested. Then you, mom and I can spend the evening together.

"Or you could buy your very own copy." Stef put in, reminding Jude that he had some money to spend on whatever he wanted.

"Actually I was saving that." Jude said.

"Honey, we talked about that." Lena said. "You don't need to save up. We've kept the rest of your money safe but this is for you to spend."

"I know." Jude confirmed. "I was saving it to buy something special for Callie."

Both women were taken aback at Jude's statement.

"She's always looked out for me and she's always gotten me presents at christmas and my birthday." Jude explained. "I never got to do that for her. All she ever got from me was homemade junk that broke the moment I gave it to her. When Mariana told her not to bully me she looked hurt and I just thought maybe I could get her something nice to show her that I love her."

Stef was on the verge of tears while Lena was letting her's flow freely.

"I think that's a wonderful idea baby." Lena said, leaning in to kiss her son's cheek.

"And I think this evening is the perfect time to go look for something." Stef said, pulling her wife and son up off the couch.

"Do you have anything in mind?" Lena asked as they headed to the car.

"No." Jude said. "Do you?"

"How about we look around for some ideas." Stef suggested.

* * *

The three had been at the mall for over an hour but Jude still hadn't found the perfect gift. They had looked for jewelry, accessories for her camera, books and a bunch of other stuff but none of it seemed right. They were running out of stores to look through but Jude was determined to find just the right gift so they trudged on.

Stef and Lena were looking out for Mariana and Hayley as they wandered the mall but so far hadn't spotted either girl - though they weren't exactly going through the same stores - Callie and Mariana's tastes were vastly different and very few stores had something for both girls.

"How about a picture frame?" Lena suggested as they passed a store that sold personalized products. "You could put a nice picture of the two of you into it."

"No." Jude said peering at the frame that Lena was looking at. "That's not really Callie." He was just about to continue to the next store when something caught his eye. "That's perfect!" He yelped in excitement as he dashed into the store.

Stef and Lena both looked in the window in wonder, wondering what the little boy had found - and then they spotted it - the little silver guitar pick.

"How much is that?" Jude asked, still bouncing up and down in front of the salesman.

"Forty-nine, ninety-nine and another ten for engraving." The man said, handing the object to Jude.

"Oh." Jude's face fell instantly as he cradled the little silver wedge carefully in his hand. "I only have thirty dollars."

He was about to hand the pick back to the man when Lena stopped him. "You know what Jude, I think that's the perfect present and Callie should have it. How about mom and I put in the other thirty."

"I want it to be from me." Jude said, debating on whether he could take their offer or not.

"It will be from you sweetheart." Stef assured him. "We're just helping you out. Kinda like a present from us to both of you for letting us be your moms."

"Okay." Jude finally said with a smile, not wanting to miss out on the perfect gift.

* * *

More than happy with his purchase Jude practically skipped down to the food court for ice-cream. He moms were letting him have a treat and he was on top of the world. He couldn't wait to give Callie her present but he wanted to wait for the right moment.

"What flavor do you want bud?" Lena asked.

"Double scoop Rocky Road." Jude said with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Double scoop huh?" Stef asked with a laugh.

Jude nodded excitedly and neither mom could refuse. His joy and excitement was such a refreshing change from their usually shy little boy that they didn't want to disappoint him for something so simple.

"Double scoop it is." Stef finally said as she placed their orders.


	52. Chapter 52

"So how was the mall?" Stef asked Mariana as she walked in the door. Stef and Lena had continued to look for the girl right up until they left but hadn't found her anywhere.

"Oh we didn't go there." Mariana answered. "The other dance girls were hanging out there so we decided to head to the pier instead."

Mariana had come into the kitchen to let them know that she had come back and Stef and Lena decided that now was the perfect time to talk to her. Jude was the only one home and he was still busy admiring his present so he would be occupied for a while.

"Why did you have to leave?" Lena stopped tossing a salad and sat down at the table to give her daughter her full attention.

"We didn't _have_ _to _I guess." Mariana said. "We just didn't wanna hang out with them."

"Honey are you really enjoying this whole dance thing?" Stef asked. "Sometimes you sound more like you aren't."

"I do." Mariana quickly said. "At least I like the dancing part of it."

"Just not the girls." Lena observed.

"Do they mistreat you?" Stef asked concerned.

"Not really." Mariana said.

Both moms waited for her to continue so Mariana decided to just tell them the truth, she headed towards the table to sit down as well and waited for Stef to do the same.

"They didn't really want me on the team." Mariana admitted once everyone was seated.

"What do you mean?" Lena asked.

"Well when I tried out for the team you were running for principal and they picked me because they thought that having your daughter on the team would help to keep it from being cut." She said, avoiding her moms' gazes.

"How do you know this?" Lena asked.

"Hayley told me." Mariana answered. "First I thought it was because I was Latino but she told me the truth. She's the only one who's ever honest with me. It was her and Tia that helped me be a better dancer so that they wouldn't kick me off the team."

"That's why you dyed your hair blond?" Lena asked, though she already figured out the answer.

"Sweetheart are you sure you want to be a part of this?" Stef asked, not really liking the things she was hearing.

"I like dancing mom." Mariana defended. "I know I'm not exactly the best but I like it and as long as they're willing to have me I want to continue. Besides, they aren't exactly mean or anything they just do their own thing outside of dance. And Hayley and I hang out all the time."

"She doesn't treat you different?" Stef asked, remembering the things Jesus had said about the girl.

"She's the only one who's nice to me." Mariana said. "She's not like the others. I don't know why she acts so weird with Jesus but she's not always like that."

"Well then maybe you can help her as well." Stef said. "Help her figure out what's going on that makes her so insecure with Jesus. Maybe she needs a friend just as much as you do."

"It'd be nice to have a best friend again." Mariana admitted. "Ever since the whole Kelsey and the pills thing the kids at school barely talk to me and then Lexi left and I had no one. I know it's not fair to blame Jesus but I kinda do because if he hadn't gotten together with her then her parents would never have moved her two thousand miles away."

"Honey, it's not Jesus' fault." Lena said. "They made a mistake but they're teenagers. You made some mistakes too, we don't hold a grudge against anyone in this house."

"I know." Mariana said. "I just miss having friends."

* * *

Soon the other kids were home and the kitchen was full of noise.

"What's for dinner? I'm starved." Jesus said, coming in with his skateboard in one hand, sweaty and covered in dirt.

"We were thinking we'd order out." Lena said.

"Really?" The kids asked in unison, big smiles on all their faces.

"Well mama and I took Jude out for a while so we haven't had time to cook so what'll it be?" Stef asked.

"Pizza." Jesus said quickly.

"No that's too fattening. Chinese." Mariana said.

"We never have burgers." Brandon added.

"Oh yeah, burgers." Jude added.

Callie just shrugged as usual, having no opinion and ready to go along with whatever the other's decided.

"Burgers it is." Stef said as she grabbed the phone to place the order.

* * *

Stef guessed she'd been asleep more than a couple of hours when she felt Lena's arm wrap around her and her head bury into her back.

"What's wrong love?" Stef asked as she turned around to face Lena, kissing her cheek and finding it damp. "Baby?" She asked, more concerned.

"I just can't stop thinking about the attack." Lena said, her voice small. "I like to believe that I'm over it but sometimes it still scares me."

"It'll take a while babe." Stef said, holding Lena close and rubbing a hand up and down her back. "But you're safe. I'm right here with you."

"I know." Lena said. "I shouldn't have woken you, I just didn't want to be alone."

"It's fine love." Stef assured her. "I'd rather you wake me up then keep thinking about it."

"It's not all the time." Lena said, not wanting Stef to think she was still that scared. "I just couldn't sleep and it was dark and so quiet..."

"I get it." Stef said. "Whenever it does come back just find me, I'm here for you."

"I love you." Lena said, relaxing in her wife's embrace.

"I love you too babe, so much." Stef said as they closed their eyes and fell asleep in each other's arms.


	53. Chapter 53

It was a lazy Sunday morning so when Stef woke up the house was quiet. She headed down to the kitchen to make coffee and was surprised to find Brandon, sitting in the back yard with his music book in front of him. Since they had already spoken to the twins and Jude and were planning to talk to Callie, she decided to talk to Brandon as well, just to make sure he was doing okay.

"Hey baby." Stef said as she headed outside to her son with her coffee in one hand and hot chocolate in the other. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep." Brandon answered as he took the mug she offered him. "We're working on this song but we can't seem to get it just right."

"You've started really enjoying this huh?" Stef asked with a smile. She was glad to see her son passionate about something again and the fact that it still involved the piano thrilled her greatly.

"Yeah. It's different and so far not as challenging but it's still fun." Brandon said. "I still wish I could play classical professionally but I guess I'm grateful that I can play at all."

"I know what you mean baby." Stef said. "I wanted it for you too but when you wanted the surgery that could have done more damage than good I was so worries. I'm really happy that you gave it a try before going through something like that."

"Me too." Brandon admitted. "Better this than nothing at all right?" He smiled at her.

"How did you get to be so smart huh?" Stef asked, pulling him closer to her on the bench.

Brandon smiled at his mom. "I have you for a mom." Brandon answered honestly.

"Oh come on now." Stef said playfully. "Mama's smarter than me and you're more talented than all of us put together."

"True." Brandon said, making both of them laugh. "But really, I'm lucky I got you for a mom from the start."

"Where's this coming from B?" Stef asked seriously.

"I just realized how lucky I am. I've been watching the others and I get why they freaked out so much after the attack. I'm just so grateful that you never let me experience not being wanted. You've always been there for me, through the divorce, dad's drinking, whatever's been going on I've never felt like I don't belong. Dad and Lena have been great, Lena since I was five and dad mostly all my life too but you're the one who's always been there for me."

"B, you can't understand how much I love you." Stef said. "I love the others too but going through pregnancy with you and giving birth to you, you were so tiny and it made me want to protect you from everything in the world. I feel the same for the others but with you it's a little bit different. For them I want to protect them from the lives that they've known. But for you I want to protect you from a life you've never known. Unlike the others you were my responsibility from the day you were born so when something happens it's on me. I can make their lives better but I can keep your life good right from the start."

"You have." Brandon said. "You have mom. Even when the others came I never felt unloved or unwanted. I only ever knew love so it was easy for me to love them too."

"You make me so proud B." Stef said. "Everyday I am so grateful that you came into my life."

"Me too." Brandon said. "Even though I've made so many stupid mistakes and decisions you've still loved me and supported me through it."

"It's what parents do baby." Stef assured him.

"Not all parents." Brandon answered and both of them thought of the four children still sleeping.

* * *

After talking to Brandon Stef headed back upstairs to shower. She hadn't wanted to cry in front of her son but just knowing that she had managed to keep the promise she had made to her son all those years ago had made her want to burst into tears. Yes he'd made mistakes, like he'd pointed out, and bad things had happened to him and the people he loved, but in the end he still knew that he was loved and wanted and really, that's more than she could have hoped for.

Stef headed into the bathroom and turned on the shower before stripping out of her clothes. The sound woke Lena who came into the bathroom just as Stef was about to step into the tub.

"Morning babe." Lena said, reaching around Stef to hug her before she entered the tub.

"Morning." Stef said. She turned to face Lena and give her a kiss.

"What's wrong?" Lena asked, noticing the slightly watery eyes in front of her.

"Nothing's wrong." Stef said. "B and I just talked and he told me that I'd protected him from the life that his brothers and sister's had."

Lena smiled. She always knew that Stef, who was usually so strong and tough, would just melt whenever any of her kids told her that they loved her. It's what she loved most about her - the fact that she could be strong and strict and protective but soft at the same time.

"Can I join you?" Lena asked with a smirk.

"Of course." Stef smiled as she helped Lena undress.

The two stepped into the tub together and under the hot spray, lips joined, fingers entwined and bodies touching from top to bottom.

* * *

"Callie, can we talk to you please." Lena said a few hours later as she climbed up the stairs.

The kids were doing the dishes after lunch and Stef and Lena decided now was the time to talk to Callie - she seemed relaxed and happy. Through lunch she was talking about her pictures and all the things she could do with her camera and software. Soon she'd be ready to take some of her pictures down to the printers to get some physical copies.

"What's up?" Callie asked as she entered her moms' room.

"Come sit love." Stef patted the bed where she was sitting.

Callie's face fell a little as she walked towards her mother. She still felt apprehensive whenever she was called like this - it usually meant that something bad was about to happen.

"Your mom and I wanted to talk to you." Lena said as she also took a seat on the bed next to her daughter.

"About what?" Callie asked nervously.

"About you finding out that we had sex." Stef said.

"Look, I'm really sorry about that." Callie said quickly. "I know I shouldn't have listened to a private conversation and I shouldn't have told anyone else..." Callie rambled.

"Honey." Lena stopped her. "That's not what we wanted to talk about."

"Then what?" Callie asked.

"Sweetheart, we want to talk to you about how you feel." Stef clarified. "You were pretty concerned about being ready yourself and wondering if it would take as long for Lena."

Callie looked down uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact with either woman. She knew they'd figure it out eventually and want to talk to her, she just thought she'd have more time. Callie had always been able to hide her feelings and emotions, that is until she got here. Now she was starting to realize that she wasn't all that good at hiding them, the other foster parents just didn't care but here, with the Fosters she couldn't keep much to herself.

"Talk to us honey." Stef said gently. "Tell us what you're thinking."

"We know this is hard for you but it's just as hard for us to watch you try to deal with everything by yourself. Let us help you baby." Lena added.

"I'm happy for you guys, I really am." Callie said, on the verge of tears.

"But you're afraid." Stef added.

"What's wrong with me?" Callie asked, finally looked up at her mothers. "Why is it taking me so long?"

"Sweetheart there is absolutely nothing wrong with you love." Stef said firmly. "It's like I told you before, while you and mama have been through some similar incidents, there are still some major differences. You were so young when it happened to you and you weren't ready for any sort of sex so now you've reached an age when you would normally try but you're afraid to."

"It's natural to be afraid." Lena confirmed. "I was scared myself. We got through it, yes, but I was terrified and so was mom. But we were ready to try."

"That's right." Stef said. "Mama tried to force herself into it once before but she wasn't ready and it didn't work for her either at the time." She explained, showing Callie that they weren't really all that different.

Neither mom had planned to open up this much to their daughter but they felt it was important for her to know that she wasn't the only one feeling the way she was and understand why they handled things differently.

"It's something mom and I have done a million times before and I knew what I was getting into." Lena continued. "It's new for you so you're not sure and Wyatt probably isn't exactly experienced either so you would have a lot to work out. Don't rush it baby. You're so young and there are so many reasons why it's so different between us."

"Sweetheart, some of the things you're feeling probably don't even have anything to do with the rape." Stef added. "Most people are nervous their first time and you are no different. Yes, what happened may make it a little more difficult for you but the nervousness, the uneasiness are all natural. You may not even like it the first few times you try and that's normal too. But the most important thing is to wait until you are ready."

"That's right." Lena said. "There is no right age to have sex, and waiting doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you."

"I just want to know that it won't always be like this." Callie admitted.

"Honey, pushing yourself before you're ready may be worse than you think." Lena said. "When you are ready you will start to enjoy it but if you're just doing it for the sake of getting past it you may not feel anything and then you'll continue to think that there's something wrong. Your body will tell you when it's ready and you just have to wait for that time."

"I know this is uncomfortable but trying to figure it out yourself may help." Stef added. She wouldn't normally say this but she'd rather Callie explore what makes her feel good by herself than force herself into something with someone that she isn't ready for.

"What do you mean?" Callie asked, furrowing her brow.

"Learn for yourself what makes you feel good." Stef said.

Callie thought for a moment before her eyes went wide and her face turned bright red. "Gross." She said, looking back down in embarrassment.

"Callie, there is absolutely nothing wrong with self pleasure." Lena said. "Everyone does it and it's known to be very helpful in learning about your own body and what works for you. We just want you to know that there's no shame in it and it helps to know your own body when you're ready to try sex with someone else."

"Can we _please_ be done with this." Callie asked, not looking up.

"Yes." Lena said. Knowing that they'd said all they could to help her for now.

"Just remember you can always talk to us." Stef said as Callie was about to run out of the room. "And you don't have to wait for us to come and question you. You can come to us whenever you need. We love you."

Callie quickly gave one nod to show that she understood before disappearing out the door leaving Stef and Lena behind. The moms looked at each other laughing and shaking their heads at the awkwardness of that conversation.

Callie avoided her moms for most of the evening after that but neither mom minded. They understood that she was embarrassed and needed time to think about what they had said but they felt they had done what any mother should; something their own mothers had done back when they were around Callie's age.

* * *

Jesus and Jude were playing video games downstairs when Callie and Mariana came into the living room.

"We were going to watch a movie." Mariana said when she noticed her brothers.

"Well we're playing." Jesus said, not looking up from the screen.

"Come on." Mariana said. "A movie is something we can all do. Only you two enjoy those games."

"Too bad. We were here first." Jesus said.

"Come on Mariana." Callie said, trying to pull her sister away before a fight broke out. "We'll go do something else."

"No, Jesus, you've been playing for over an hour. It's our turn now." Mariana argued.

"There's no rule like that." Jesus said, still keeping his eyes fixed on the screen.

Mariana huffed as she walked over to the screen and stood right in front of it.

"HEY!" Jesus yelled as he heard the special music that signaled that his character had died. "What the hell Mariana."

The twins began arguing while Callie and Jude looked on quietly. Their voices raised and soon Stef was down in the living room to find out what had happened.

"What's going on here?" Stef asked over the voices of her children.

"Mariana just ruined our game." Jesus complained.

At the same time Mariana told her side of the argument. "He's been hogging the T.V. all afternoon and now Callie and I want to watch a movie.

Stef turned to Callie to see what she had to say but the moment she looked at the girl she ducked out of the living room. Stef smiled slightly to herself as she turned back to the twins.

"Okay how about this... No T.V. for anyone for the rest of the day and no fighting and then in the evening we can go out and rent Kung Fu Panda part two." Stef said, winking at Jude.

"Cool!." Jude said smiling.

"Fine." Both Jesus and Mariana groaned.

* * *

Jude had noticed Callie being distant all evening and decided now was the time to give her her present.

"Can I have it now?" Jude asked as he entered his moms open room without knocking. "I want to give it to her."

"Sure." Stef said as she reached into her night stand for the little box that she had hidden for Jude. "I think she's out back."

Both mom's went to their daughters' room to watch from the window. They saw Callie, sitting under the tree strumming her guitar and humming softly to herself and soon they saw Jude walk towards here.

* * *

"Hey baby." Callie said as she put her guitar aside to spend some time with her brother, something they hadn't done in a while since there were so many people in their family now.

"Hi." Jude said as he sat down beside her. "Are you okay?"

"Of course." Callie said. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seemed sad." Jude said.

"No baby. I'm not sad." Callie assured him, hugging him. "Just been thinking."

Jude accepted the answer and leaned into the hug before pulling out the box from his pocket.

"I have something for you." He said as he handed it to Callie.

"What's this?" Callie asked, looking quizzically at the box.

"Open it." Jude encouraged as he held his hand further out to her.

Callie carefully took the box, still staring at her brother's face before opening it and looking inside.

"JUDE." She gasped as she touched the little silver pick with the letter 'T' engraved on it. "What is this?" She asked, looking back up at him.

"It's a present." Jude said.

"But why?" Callie asked. "And how did you get it?"

"Stef and Lena took me." Jude explained. "I wanted to get you something with the money I was given. You always got me presents and you always looked out for me, I just wanted to do something for you for a change."

"Jude you didn't have to do that." Callie said. "I love you and I'd do anything for you."

"Doesn't mean I can't thank you for it." Jude said.

Callie looked at him and suddenly she understood when Stef and Lena kept telling her that they'd do anything for her. She could feel in herself what she saw in their eyes - unconditional love.

"I love it Jude. Thank you." Callie said, looking back down at the box. Slowly her brow furrowed and she looked back up. "T?" She asked.

"Thanks." Jude answered and Callie's eyes filled with tears and she gave Jude a tight hug.

"I can't believe you spent all your money on this." Callie said as she released him.

The look on Jude's face told her there was more. "How much did it cost?" She asked quickly.

"More than I had." Jude admitted. "Moms paid for the rest." He looked down but then quickly back up again. "They offered." He added before she could get upset. "I didn't asked."

"It's okay Jude." Callie smiled at him, making him smile as well. "Thank you and I'll thank them too."

"You're not mad?" Jude asked. "No. I love it and I love you and I love them so this is really special."

Jude gave her the sweetest smile in the world and Callie hugged him once more as their moms watched, teary eyed, from the window.

* * *

Stef and Jude ran out for the movie and a tub of ice-cream later in the evening while the other kids helped Lena with dinner and after dinner the whole lot were sitting around the living room waiting to start the movie.

Callie and Jude were sitting on curled together on the couch. Brandon and Mariana on the single chairs and Jesus was sitting on the floor, leaning against the footstool. Stef and Lena entered with two big bowls of popcorn and took seats. The only available ones were on the couch next to Callie so Stef sat next to her and Lena sat next to Stef.

Stef expected the girl to keep as much distance between them as possible but as the movie progressed she watched the girl move closer and closer to her until her head was resting on her shoulder. Callie had been thinking about what her moms had said the entire evening, especially as she sat in the back yard as she tossed the little piece of silver in her hands. She wasn't thinking so much about _what _they'd said but the fact that they had said it at all. Like she realized before, no one cared enough to have such a talk with her and after seeing Jude's face she realized what they saw when they looked at her. If they could do all this for her then she could do something for them too.

"Thank you." Callie whispered, just loud enough for her moms to hear. She was still holding on to the little silver pick.

"You're welcome honey." Lena said as Stef leaned down to kiss her head. "We hope you like it."

"I do." Callie confirmed. "But not just for that. Thank you for everything." She added, looking directly at her moms as she said it.

* * *

Three weeks later and just a little over a month since the attack Lena and Callie were sitting on the double bed with the blue sweater folded in front of them.

"You ready to do this?" Lena asked her daughter and Callie nodded.

Stef pulled down a storage box from above their closet that held all their rarely used warm clothes and took it to the bed to open it. She watched as Lena and Callie carefully placed the sweater into it together. Lena then took Callie's hand and held it tight as Stef sealed up the box again.

"We're healing." Lena whispered to Callie. The two had decided that for now the sweater was no longer needed but would be safe if either of them ever did need it again.

Callie nodded and smiled at her mother as the two of them picked up the box and took it back to the closet. They held it up to put back when they lost their balance and the box nearly fell on top of them. Stef instantly rushed to grab the box and caught it before either of them was hurt and pushed it onto the shelf with not much effort.

"Thanks babe." Lena said, smiling at her wife as Stef put her arms around her wife and daughter.

"Any time love." Stef said, kissing each one on the head. "Besides, it's that what I'm here for? To protect and serve?"

* * *

**Author's Note**

Okay so thanks again for all the great reviews for this story. It made writing it just as awesome as all the others. I hope you guys liked it. It was a little different from the ones out there but I hope it was interesting still.

The comparison Lena makes between Cop Stef and Wife Stef is something I myself think when I see her in the two roles - sometimes I feel like they are two different people. So I wrote it into the story.

The talk between Stef and Callie about sex was supposed to be a separate one-shot but it seemed to fit perfectly in here so I included it here instead. I also used a lot of stuff from my other stories in here - like their first fight, Callie first calling them Mom, Lena disciplining Brandon.

I know Dana can be quite difficult to deal with but the way some portray her in their stories is quite unfair I think and so I really wanted her to be seen as kind.

Thank you to Lacorra, Stephani3mk, Gabbyromig and Sharod for their help and support with various ideas. Sometimes it's really hard to come up with anything worth writing.

I've realized that no matter how I start, most stories always end up about Stef, Lena and Callie. Stef is my favorite and will always be in my stories but please let me know if you have any requests. Would love to write things you want to read.

This was my first attempt at writing an actual sex scene so I hope it wasn't bad. It wasn't exactly 'hot' seeing as she was just getting over being raped, but it still set the mood I think.

I tried to keep it realistic and humorous especially after the actual attack and aftermath was over to show that they were healing. The whole 'moms having sex' wasn't supposed to go on that long but it fit and again i tried to keep it realistic. I'm sorry if I made anyone uncomfortable and I change the rating of the story but I don't apologize for anything I wrote. If I had a daughter I would say the exact same things to her when the time came.

Anyways, hope you guys liked the stories and keep updating yours cuz I love reading them.

Love Junebug.


End file.
